Research and Development by Some Sort of Dog Issue 3 of the newsletter RESEARCH and DEVELOPMENT - Number Three ===================================== Greetings again, and first of all, our sincere thanks to those readers who have written with comments, questions, stories and anything else. Your interest is really appreciated. Yes, don't bother checking your calendars thinking your girlfriend is overdue, we are early. Nobody promised to get this thing out at exactly monthly intervals. It looked as if there was enough material to justify sending it out, so here it is. The next one could be the middle of next July... BUSTARTIST SHARPENS HIS PENCIL - WATCH THIS SPACE FOR FURTHER DEVELOPMENTS BustArtist was one of the first to write in after Number Two hit the streets. Is it the streets that it hit, or something else, like the phone lines, or the electrons? Whatever, BA wrote to say he had just completed a new picture which combined morphing techniques with 3D rendering. "It should get some writers penning away", he said. "And speaking of penning away, I'm working on my own story... and thinking of illustrating it. Hopefully, I'll put 'call outs' within the story to check out corresponding pictures... but it will be a long time in coming.. (heh heh heh .. he said long)." Speaking as one who is always a long time coming, I can sympathise. So, when's the story due? 'Not this month', was the gist of the message. Watch this space for further news. Meanwhile, check out that image, it's called bemachin.jpg. BUT C A N YOU CHECK IT OUT? We don't want to sound as though we're gloating when we advertise these pictures which are available at such and such a site, especially as some readers don't have a means of accessing ftp sites, or have difficulty getting in to Acotto's Place. And who doesn't? At the time of writing, as they always say in the best publications, ftp.netcom.com isn't speaking to R & D (must be because we didn't pay the bill or something). It just sits there and won't even issue a list. We know there's some life there, because it responds to 'cancel' and 'quit'. The lights are on, but there's no-one at home. Peak hours, maybe? How about every half-hour between 0700 and 1200 Greenwich Mean Time (or UTC if you're an anorak-wearer) on a Saturday. If those are peak hours, we are a Dutchman. Dat begrijp ik niet. Some readers can't even receive such required everyday reading as alt.sex.tits (to use our facetious name for it). There are those who would say they're not missing much, but we're willing to bet *they* still sneak a look from time to time, just in case some gem appears through the 80% noise level and the phone-sex ads. Good things do appear now and then, but it's never long before even the best of threads degenerates into the diarrhoeic blurtings of the semi-educated great unwashed and the simpering pale pink wetness of the New Men. Not to mention the ubiquitous female bullies whose DD cups entitle them to an opinion on everything. At least alt.sex.stories is relatively noise-free, but that's largely because of the masses of reposted material which is constantly being recycled. Very little of it is BE-oriented, so perhaps that shows we BE connoisseurs are better organised than the rest of the smut-reading riff-raff. FOOTNOTE ON THE EDITOR's ASS You remember last month, a gentleman wrote to the Editor asking if he could describe his ass and lips to him? The thread (in alt.sex.tits) was still running. Another e-mail arrived, this time from Brian in Ireland. 'Dear Cheryl', he said, 'I wonder if you'd be describing cantaloupes for me, as we don't have them over here.' We described the colour, the taste and the texture. And the size, of course, related to a soccer ball, which even an Irishman ought to recognise. He should really have been looking in alt.sex.fruit.salad. SO WHAT ELSE IS NEW? To blow the Editorial trumpet, the latest St Cat's story, 'Megan's Revenge' went out in three weekly parts and is now being followed by St Cat's Dairies, that's dairies as in milk, not diaries as in journals. The idea of sending them out in weekly instalments means that they get edited at least once more before being posted. This has already allowed the inclusion of a reference to pony tails - although not specifically Dutch Pony Tails - and velvet, in response to a request from an antipodean reader. There's simply no accounting for taste in a pan-global community. The trend for weekly instalments was set by 'Sex Slaves of East Longshott Down', which has reached Part X, with only four more instalments to go. With any luck, SSOELD will get down to Part XIV with only a little more hate-mail than it has received so far. Here's a sample: ' Where does your friend get off, asking you to post such incredibly prejudiced and ignorant comments about his perverted take on "Middle Eastern Culture"? How many assholes with absolutely no clue, taking a look at that, will come away thinking that every Ay-rab they see is just itching to have a collection of artificially enhanced young girls for his own private pleasure? Tell the guy to figure it out and NOT to believe the bullshit or spread any more of it around. Cool? Cool. I hope you take this to heart, and I thank you for bearing with me all the way to the end of it.' So, pale-pink PC liberalism is alive and well and flourishing in nyu.edu, as you would fully expect. We made no reply to this person whose username is JustAConcernedCitizen. Perhaps he ought to run for President, fighting for the rights of all those assholes with no clue. Cool? As he would say. One can only hope that if he bears with the story all the way to the end of Part XIV he won't come away thinking that all Arab, sorry, Ay-rab, policemen are as enlightened as Mansoor. What was he doing slumming around on alt.sex.stories, anyway? Checking it out before censoring the group to stop his students accessing it? Or looking for mindless, heads-down wanking material? AND FOR THOSE WHO DO IT WITH THEIR HEADS UP... R & D is going to be the first to go public and trumpet the news: Size Doesn't Matter! We've been longing to come out of the water closet and say that for years. Wait a minute! Isn't this the organ of Breast Enlargement? What is R & D on, claiming that size is unimportant? Have those New Men on alt.sex.tits finally got to us? Who mentioned tits, here? We're talking about willies. You may call them what you will, gentlemen, but we're here to confirm what you secretly hoped or feared all along. Five inches really IS twice as good as ten. All those women who say otherwise are just telling us what they think we want to hear. And yet, whenever the magic elixir is discovered in a big breast story, and the heroine swells triumphantly to magnificent proportions, shedding sundered bras in all directions, what happens to the hero? That's right! Somebody carelessly spills some down his pants, and away he goes, bursting out of his Calvins. Our woman reader can't quite understand why, but she assumes it's so the poor guy doesn't feel left out. And as if it's not bad enough that she has to be impaled by the hero's pork sword - well, he has to park it somewhere - the writer makes him produce gallons of what is always referred to as 'cum'. Never mind that it only takes one sperm out of all those billions to do the job, here's matey-boy pumping out the stuff as if it was going out of fashion. And if it was YOU that had to lie in the puddle every night, AND wash the sheets next morning; matey-boy, fashion is exactly what it would be going out of. Which of our patient, long-suffering lady readers is going to be the first to come out and admit it, it's what he does with it that really matters? As for our male readers, we all know what you do with yours... EVEN BIGGER WATERMELONS? Last month's story, 'Watermelons', brought a flood of reaction from readers. Isn't that the purpose of smut, to bring floods of reaction? "It wasn't complete", said one, "please send the rest of it." "Are there any more parts?" another said. "The ending left me high and dry", said another. "I want to see bigger breasts, not smaller watermelons", said a fourth. Another reader looked up the Guinness Book of Records and came up with the largest recorded watermelon, 118 kg, and about a metre long by half a metre across. No, we're not here to provide conversion tables, work it out for yourselves. Meanwhile, on the subject, the largest recorded breasts were said to belonged to a 27-year-old African woman, a few hundred years back, in 1690. Apparently, one of the pair was 58 inches in circumference, the other was a mere 53 inches. They weighed 64 and 63 pounds, respectively. She was a big lass, it seems: 168 pounds NOT including her breasts. Unfortunately, the poor girl got bigger when she became pregnant, and burst, if you'll excuse the crudity of our language. See? If you read it in a smut story, you wouldn't believe a word of it. But you only get the facts here in R & D. Now, we hope nobody comes away thinking all African women are like that... TRUDY SET FOR A COMEBACK? Many readers will have fond memories of Trudy, who made her appearance in a three-part story, described by author, Road Dog, as 'A Fifties Romance'. The story is available on Acotto's Place, but for those without the means, Trudy appeared working in a store, a painfully slim woman who fancied a fairly hunky but shy guy in the town. Along came the local hussy, big tits and all, and decided she'd steal hunky guy away from poor Trudy, at the local hop. Then we learned Trudy's secret, which was that after developing an enormous bust at a very early age, she was raped by a no-good shit. She lost weight after that, as well as her bust, and all recollection of the rape. Only years later, when she went to stay with her brother and his wife, did Trudy's memory start to return, and as she gorged herself on home cooking, her breasts made a big comeback. Realising what she had been missing all these years, Trudy went out to make up for lost time and met Roger Pym, an English gent in the States on business. They fell in love ... (He told you it was a Romance!) No, you're right, that doesn't do it justice. Get it and read it properly. And no, we haven't stolen Trudy and dragged her, kicking and struggling, into the public domain. We did a swop for a bunch of half a dozen overgrown sluts from 'Hooters UK'. Not much of a bargain, but we really NEEDED a busty grandmother ...! But now, years later, we find Trudy again, in England, about to be reunited with her daughter, who was cast out into the cold, cold snow for getting herself laid by a member of the common riff-raff and hoi- polloi. Her descendants, we are please to discover, bear a family resemblance or two to Trudy. Some of them have made an appearance before, in Some Sort of Dog's 'Big Little Sister'. A few more new characters make their appearance: daughters of daughters of daughters; plus the obligatory horny big-busted servant girl, and the odd young lad who discovers what his right hand is really for. It's coming soon. But here's where we get interactive with our readers. Trudy fans. Tanya afficionados. Anything you'd like to see happening in this story? Apart from the fact that some of the characters are undoubtedly freaks of Nature, there's no magic, no strange witches' potions, no leprechauns and no air-bags. The story will be in at least three parts, each of about 50k, and around 10,000 words each part. Part I establishes the characters; Part II and maybe Part III will, we hope develop a theme of some sort, with a sub-plot of Trudy's life-story thrown in. In the last part we hope to reach a climax. Well, we hope the readers will have reached a climax or two long before that, but you know what we mean. How about some situations? Rule 1 applies: nobody gets raped or killed, nobody's tits explode, no minors get fucked by adults. Apart from that, the floor is yours. (The bed's mine). [There is no 'THIS MONTH'S STORY' as it's been less than a month since the last issue. Let's have your stories for the next R & D, which ought to be the bumper Holiday issue. Short stories with a Christmassy flavour will be especially welcome.] That's all, folks, See ya later. Al - Some Sort of Dog