Research and Development by Some Sort of Dog Issue 0 of the newsletter Hi, All! Welcome to not quite the first issue of your New BE! newsletter. That's not necessarily its name, it's more of a working title until somebody comes up with something better. In fact, New BE! sounds like a publication aimed at the next generation of Usenet lurkers, sitting in their cloistered halls of academe, working late into the night on their latest paper, entitled 'How do I download GIF's'. The first genuwyne edition - due out soon - is going to be written by YOU. That's the reason for this message. In fact, you have already shown yourselves to be ideal readers and contributors to a group like this one, by responding so positively and quickly to the initial contact letter. Now it's time to start living up to that. WHAT STARTED YOU OFF? The last issue of 'Developments', the lamented organ of Dr Enlarge, kicked off with a number of short pieces from readers telling, or confessing, how they first became interested in this subject. After all, it's a pretty weird idea, women's breasts getting bigger. I mean, men want it to happen. Women want it to happen. But it just doesn't. Yet we read about it, and we write about it, and we just can't get enough of it! Let's try and make it a regular feature, this 'What Started ME Off' thing. Maybe one or two a month. That alone would take us into 1997! SIZE DOESN'T MATTER? Have you got a short story? Maybe a short short story. It could be little more than an idea, or half an idea that's been buzzing around for a while in your head. Why not share it with us, and we'll all get pleasure out of it! Just a word here. Sometimes, authors who haven't yet taken the step of inflicting their work upon an undeserving public, tend to be backward in coming forward. Usually, they're selling themselves short. Most first stories have a great idea behind them. Thay have, after all, been mentally rewritten fifty times before they ever see the light of day. It has to be a good idea to survive that. Let's all share these great ideas. Please, don't worry about the appearance of your work, at this stage. Schlepp it over here and when it finally appears, live and on air, the spelling and punctuation will miraculously have been tidied up by the non-judgmental eye of our vast staff of proff- readers. (Never could spell that word.) Okay, your spelling may have become English English, but we all have our crosses to bear. To dispel another old wives' tale, the size doesn't matter. (But you knew that, of course). There's room for a three-minute read in our busy lives, whereas it takes real dedication to sit down and read the whole of 'Dr Hooters' or the collected stories of Saint Cat's. Later on, long after that first story has been and gone, writers will always say they cringe at the very thought of anyone reading their first efforts. But they *would* say that, wouldn't they? Even if you've turned out another 20,000 words a month ever since, there's still something special about your first blundering efforts. (Sounds familiar.) CHAT-LINES One idea that came up out of this first flush of letter- writing was an IRC channel for BE! Obviously someone who doesn't have to pay his own phone bills. But it's a thought, for those quick-witted enough to think and type in real time. And even in the good old money-grubbing UK, local calls at weekends have come down to nearly nothing. You don't get 'owt for nowt from British Telecom. But at a penny a minute, even I, The Dog, might almost be tempted. COLLABORATE OR BUST? Quite a few writers have been joining forces recently, either with other writers, or ghosting for people who need a helping hand to get their ideas put into words. Even as we speak, characters from one story are now cropping up in others. They will, no doubt, eventually be handed back, slightly the worse for wear but never quite the same again. This is an exciting concept, and can lead to a fascinating interchange of ideas as writers try to find out how their 'borrowed' characters would react or what they would say in different circumstances. Try swapping characters with another author. The last time I did it, *he* got half a dozen spectacularly- endowed young females (ages ranging between their mid-twenties and eight, but nine at Christmas), while *I* ended up with one spectacularly-endowed grandmother. So much for the Special Relationship between our two countries. Never mind, I can always invent more girls! LET'S GO! Let's go, then! We can talk about anything and everything. Illustrated stories? Sure, why not? A whole new dimension there for those who can't quite get their heads round some of our more outrageous flights of fantasy. And there must be an artist or two out there in search of a subject. I'd rather like to see the girls from the Fifth Form at St Cat's... Surely you don't need a full description of the school uniform, right down to the ... No, I didn't think you would! [Just in case, though, it's a white blouse (available in all sizes from 26" to 100"), tie in school colours, slightly flared navy skirt of regulation length, short white socks and sensible shoes. Fifth and Sixth Form girls may wear hose and high heels on FRIDAYS only. Hair must be tidy and may be secured by a plain coloured band. Suitable and ADEQUATE brassieres MUST be worn BY ALL GIRLS unless a special dispensation has been obtained from the headmistress. Brassieres must be white (although black girls may wear any colour). Red or black brassieres will be permitted on Fridays at the discretion of the headmistress. Knickers or panties must be worn and will NOT be removed in hot weather nor for any other purpose. Pubic untidiness will not be tolerated. A special note from the headmistress was recently published on the school notice-board: '... girls with Fuller Figures should take especial care in the tying of neckties. Complaints have been received from members of the public that the ties of some girls are failing to reach the peak of the bust and are thus lying horizontally on top of the breasts instead of hanging freely down the front of the blouse in the approved manner. The school has now negotiated the procurement of extra long neckties to overcome this problem. Please see the Matron.'] Sheesh! What triggered THAT off on a wet Saturday morning? Got a story coming along? In the deep-freeze on the back-burner? Whet our appetite about it, and we'll all nag you til' you get it out. In the time-honoured tradition, show me yours, and I'll show you mine. Need a particular story and don't know how to find it? Someone on here will know, and can either point you in the right direction or send you a copy. Perhaps someone could even set themselves the pleasant little task of compiling a list of all known BE stories, their authors, a brief summary of the plot (if any) and where to find it. Don't all volunteer at once. Let's have your three-pennyworth now. It might be just a few words on any subject, but enough to start the ball rolling on a stimulating discussion. New! BE will come out regularly, once a month, but there's nothing to stop free discussion by e-mail between different parties. As long as you promise to let us in on it when it gets *really* interesting. In between our regular monthlies, it can be like a highly-specialised newsgroup, but without the 90% noise level. And we won't need any tiresome FAQ's: after a couple of months, we'll all know all the answers. IN CONFIDENCE? If anyone on our list desires confidentiality or anonymity, at any time, please just say so. 'The New Hit-List' is all you will see in the To: field of the message header, so there won't be a huge list of names. Some of you have asked if it is possible to send a copy of the list round to members. Fine by me, but if any of you would prefer your address not to be circulated I will move you on to a second list called The Other Hit-List, or something. See you very soon Al - Some Sort of Dog