MARTHA THE LINE DANCING SUPERVISOR by Hamlet MARISSA LEAD SINGER OF THE VALHALLAS LARA THE NORSE WOMAN KARLA LARA'S FRIEND AND NORSE WOMAN THE BARBECUE AND LINE DANCING AT VOTANS The time had at last arrived for the barbecue to start at Volans Bar in Grantham. Stephen could see a long queue outside the front door. He could tell the Norselanders from the English as the Norselanders all wore leather or rubber Cow Person outfits were all blonde and were all so much bigger and stronger in appearance with the Norse Women even taller and bigger than the Men. Before the doors were opened the Country band the Valhallas arrived. The three of them were dressed in shiny black leather Cow Person outfits with yellow silk scarves to make them look even more stunning. The lead singer was Marissa Nordstrom a well know singer in Norseland . The two guitar and violin players were Men Per Rigdahl and Jan Lagerkvist. They were both brilliant musicians and knew the full range of Norselandic and American country music As the customers entered, they were ordered to stand to attention by Ingrid for the Norselandic National Anthem and to salute the flag and to face the portrait of the Queen Goddess. The anthem was played by the Valhallas Glorious Nation our Motherland We will fight for thy liberty To make our nation strong and free We are prepared to die for thee Glorious Nation O Motherland We shall be true to thee till death We shall be true to thee till death (To the tune of Faith of our Fathers) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnj7d81RGZo Straalende Nasjon ut Fedrelandet Vi vil kjempe for din frihet For aa gjoore vaar Nasjon sterk en avgift Vi er forberedt paa aa doo for deg Straalende Nasjon o Fedreland Vi skal v�re tro mot deg til dooden Vi skal v�re tro mot deg til dooden As soon as the National Anthem had been played and sung the long queue began for the barbecue buffet, Stephen had never seen such vast quantities of meat cooked to perfection by the two Papian chefs Tahi and Teio There were 8 choices of meat all chargrilled and spit roasted almost to a cinder. Further along chargrilled potatoes and pasta piled high almost to the ceiling expertly cooked by Maha Teio's wife. Further along was a massive range of every single type of tropical fruits and ice creams imaginable stacked again almost to the ceiling. Stephen could go back and eat as much as he liked. even if he was in serious danger of a heart attack. He chose to eat a huge chunk of crocodile meat fries and quantities of salad he had never seen before. He had never tasted crocodile meat before and it tasted like rump steak and covered his whole plate. After eating he felt incapable of eating and drinking anymore and could only just manage one bottle of Volsson lager. Yet he looked at the Norselanders around him and they had the most amazing appetites he had ever seen He saw them go back in some cases for five helpings with their plates covered in massive chunks of meat, heaps of salads fries and pasta all drowning in torrents of mayonnaise. These people were incredible! He sometimes wondered whether they were human beings or giants from another planet! After most people had eaten Marsha the Supervisor announced on the intercom that the time had come for the Line Dancing. Everyone had to take part or else Stephen was weighed down by food yet Hilda the Assistant Manager was standing by him and it was a case of get up and dance now! Stephen stood in a line next to two big Norse Women whose names he later found to be Lara and Karla. As typical Norse Women they were dressed in the national costume in leather completely wearing high heeled boots and leather stetsons. They both held him tightly in their arms as if he was just a little child and they said they would show him the moves which were quite complex for a beginner. The Valhalla's started to play the famous country smog Elusive Dreams in Norselandic of course. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoU4cWvv1FQ I � followed you to Haraldshus I followed you to Ratersfoss We didn't find it there, so we moved on: I went with you to Silkeborg Things looked good in Vikingsborg We didn't find it there, so we moved on I know you're tired of following My elusive dreams and schemes For they're only fleeting things My elusive dreams Jeg fulgte deg til Haraldshus Jeg fulgte deg til Ratersfoss Vi fant den ikke der, saa vi gikk videre: Jeg gikk med deg til Silkeborg Ting saa bra ut I Vikingsborg Vi fant det ikke der, saa vi gikk videre Jeg vet at du er lei av aa foolge Mine unnvikende droommer og ordninger For t hei er bare flyktig ting Mine unnvikende droommer Marissa had a very strong voice and her singing almost blasted out Stephen's ear drums especially as there were speakers all over the walls. Martha the Line Dancing Supervisor took charge 'Right everyone gets ready for this dance called the Auctioneer! 'announced Martha the Supervisor. 'Alle gjoor seg klar for denne dansen kalt Auksjonarius!' The Valhalla's started to play full volume Martha began to call out in English for the benefit of beginners like Stephen 'Rock forwarding right Step in place on left Step right next to left! 'Rock frem hooyre Trinn paa plass paa venstre Trinn til hooyre ved siden av venstre! Stephen did not know what to do but fortunately; Lara and Karla guided him on all the moves forcing him to move as if he was just a baby. Martha continued to call out masking sure everyone did the moves exactly. 'Step in place on the right! Rock forward on the right! 'she shouted Gaa paa plass paa hooyre! Rock fremover til hooyre! The Norseladers were all brilliant dancers as Line Dancing was a national obsession almost like Aerobics. Most of the English people did not have a clue and were being forced into the correct position , manoeuvred them as if they were just objects! As Karla and Lara continued to imitate the right positions Stephen looked outside and could see some faces at the windows, He could hear them call out .'What a bunch of tossers!.' 'You all look bleedin stupid! Stephen could tell they were the thugs from the BBT (Bring Back the Tollemache) he had seen at the Goose, Suddenly Ingrid the Manager announced over the Intercom PLEASE COULD THE BAND STOP PLAYING AND EVERYONE RETURN TO THEIR SEATS! VENNLIGST KUNNE BANDET SLUTTE AA SPILLE OG ALLE TILBAKE TIL SINE SETER! Any comments to norselandic@hotmail.com TO BE CONTINUED