MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ANNIKA THE NORSE GIRL BEGINS by Hamlet Annika sat next to me at the Bangladeshi restaurant Milaad Tandoori in Deal in Kent holding me by the hand and stroking my hair with Her fingerless leather gloves. She ordered the waiter over and decided to order the meal. It was clear She was in complete charge and I was to have no decision at all in what we were going to eat especially as She was paying for everything. 'Right Stephen as I said I'm absolutely famished and have only eaten curry once in my life back home in Norseland in my home city of Varense where even though it is a city of 10 million there are only two Indian restaurants and I don't believe they serve authentic Indian food but only what Norselanders like so it wasn't particularly spicy! ' 'So I thought we would start with an aloo chat for me and a lamb tikka for you Then we will have a chicken jalfrezi, a meat Madras, a king prawn vindaloo, two plain rices, one pilao rice and 6 papadums.We will also have two shandies now! She shouted to the poor waiter who looked as if he was sweating with fear in Her presence. 'Will you hurry up as we are starving and what's more I hope your kitchens are clean as I will inspect them later!' Just then Her friend Kristina rang.Annika was not allowed to switch Her mobile off as Her Teacher Supervisor Ms Toughaard had told all the school children that they had to leave their mobiles on as She need to know exactly where they were at all tines 'Hello Annika . I hope you are enjoying Yourself .Does Ms Toughaard know where You are? Also have You inspected the kitchens yet? I don't want to go on about cocks but do you know the size of his cock yet?' 'Ei Annika jeg haaper du nyter selv er Fru Toughaard vite hvor du er? Ogsa har du kontrollert kjookkenet ennaa? Jeg oonsker ikke aa gaa paa om kuku men vet due stoorrelsen paa hans hanen ennaa?' 'Look Kristina I told you to leave us alone! No I have not told Ms Toughaard but I'm sure as we are on holiday She would not mind me going out to a restaurant. No I have not inspected the kitchens yet but I will later No I haven't looked at his cock yet but I accept that it will be less than forty five centimetres! Unlike you I don't think about cocks all the time! Now will you please leave us alone and don't tell Ms Toughaard that I am at a Bangladeshi restaurant with an oslander!' 'Se Kristina jeg fortalte du til aa forlate oss alene! Nei, jeg har ikke sagt Fru Toughaard men jeg er sikker paa at naar vi er paa ferie hun ikke ville huske meg til aa gaa ut til en restaurang.No jeg har ikke undersookt det kjookken ennaa men Jeg vil senere Nei, jeg har ikke sett meg paa hans hanen ennaa, men jeg aksepterer at det vil v�re mindre enn fem og firti centimeter! I motsetning til deg tror jeg ikke om cocks hele tiden! Naa vil du vennligst la oss alene og ikke fortell Ms Toughaard som jeg er i Bangladesh ligger restaurant med en oslander!' 'I'm very sorry Annika it's just you are my best friend and I am very concerned about you. You know what a strict disciplinarian Ms Toughaard is even though She is a bit more lenient now we are in England.i just don't want you to face a thrashing from Her! ' 'Jeg er veldig beklager Annika det er bare du er min paa basta saatt venn og jeg er veldig bekymret for deg.Du vet hva en streng en som uppraatthaaller disciplin Fru Toughaard er selv om hun er litt mer taalmodige naa er vi i England.jeg bare oonsker ikke du aa face en biler fra henne!' 'I understand your concern Kristina but please understand I can take care of myself.Oh Here are the starters coming allo chat and lamb tikka!' 'Jeg forstaar din bekymring Kristina men kan du forstaa Jeg kan ta vare paa meg selv.Oh Her er starterne kommer till chat og lammet tikka!' 'Sorry to trouble you Annika but what the hell is allo chat and lamb tikka?!' 'Beklager problemer du Annika men hva i helvete er alloo chat og lammet tikka?!' 'Well I have made lamb tikka at home with my Mother and you mix the spices, colouring, lemon juice, ginger and garlic up into a paste with a little water and stir in well with the yogurt to make a tandoori marinade. You then marinate the lamb in the marinade for 2-6 hours. You preheat the oven to it's highest heat for at least 20 minutes. You then shake off excess marinade and place lamb pieces on skewers on a wire rack in the oven. You vook for 15-20 minutes and check the lamb is cooked before serving with a wedge of lemon.' 'As for aloo chat is the name of a street food item made in North India. It is prepared by frying potatoes in oil and adding spices and chutney.' 'It is a snack which can be served as a potato salad or a light meal.] It is made from boiled and fried cubed potatoes served with chat masala. It is a versatile dish that is prepared in many different ways by different people in different regions across the country. The word "Aloo" means potatoes in Hindi and the word "Chaat" is derived from Hindi word Chatna which means tasting. Thus, Aloo Chaat means a savoury potato snack. It is also spelled as Aloo Chaat.' 'Vel, jeg har gjort lam tikka hjemme med min mor og du bland krydder, fargestoffer, sitronsaft, ingef�r og hvitlook i en lim med litt vann og roor i godt med yoghurt for aa gjoore en tandoori marinade. Du deretter mariner lammet i marinaden for 2-6 timer. Du forvarm ovnen til det hooyeste varme i minst 20 minutter. Du deretter rist av overfloodig marinade og sett lam biter paa grillspyd paa en rist i ovnen.' 'Som for aloo chat er navnet paa en gate mat element laget i nord India. Det er utarbeidet av steke poteter i olje og legge til krydder.' 'Det er en matbit som kan serveres som en potet salat eller et lett maaltid. [ Det er laget av kokt og stekt poteter i terninger serveres med chat masala.' 'God Annika I just don't eat foreign muck at all! You just don't know what you are eating! I just keep to my Norse food of steak chicken fish and salad! I don't want to get gastro entiritis!' 'Gud Annika jeg bare ikke spis utenlandske goodensallle paa alle! Du bare vet ikke hva du er oppvarming! Jeg bare holde til min norroone mat av biff kylling fisk og salat! Jeg oonsker ikke aa faa kokkebesetningen entiritis!' I was beginning to tuck into my aloo chat as they wre speaking not able to understand what they were talking not able to understyand a word they were saying in their harsh guttural language! 'Oh I'm so sorry to be talking to Kristina Stephen sweetheart! She's just my best friend .She's just a bit hostile to foreigners or oslanders as we call them ! 'She really can't stand English women She calls them like we all do Dumme Engelsk Kvinner or (DEKs) as we call them.We can't understand why our gorgeous Norse Men or even you could be attracted to some stick insect with no brain, who always has to be accompanied by men,who depends on men for money like some prostitute and who expects men to entertain her.You must have had a miserable time with those 'stack insektora.' It's like having sex with a skeleton! ' 'Kristina also hates foreign food.in fact like all of our people believe we are superior to everyone in the world and foreigners or oslanders are all subhumans or undermaanniskor.I'm sure Kristina would really like you even if you are an oslander with a small cock and the two of us would love to give you a spitroasting or a spottrostning or a wanking and screwing or Onanera og Skruva fast as we call it!I will of course give you An OS first! ' 'Come on darling lets eat!' 'Our relationship of Loving Domination or Aalskande Herravalde(AH) has begun!! LET ME GIVE YOU A WELCOME KISS!! Any comments please to Norselandic@hotmail.com