My Story 57 By Corbin How life tests the endurance, patience, and sometimes faith of one young woman. ********** "All war is deception." ********** Everything went so quickly that the ability to take in details mentally was derailed. They remain but fragments in memory, which provide no proper image --- perhaps just an impressionistic water color, a tangled web of death and destruction, over which the sweet stench of death hangs, thick and inert. The images around us had not changed. One would like to be able to describe it, to show the homeland its gruesomeness, all the while holding an outstretched finger in admonishment, and letting every- thing speak for itself. For us, it was something not so new, certainly less so then for you at home. But again and again, whenever we encountered death, he spoke to us, he flung a comrade to earth and then he remained silent, whenever we asked him anxiously what he intended to do with us, with you and with me. -Tigers ********** You've seen them, you may even know some of them. They are those 'creep's, or 'creepy' person, that hangs around and eyeballs you with a look of suspicions or ill-will, or more often with a look of condescending contempt. Sometimes these 'creeps' are brief encounters at the mall, on a sidewalk, at a stoplight, well anywhere really I suppose. In my case, it's usually when I am working out at my jiu-jitsu school. At the front of the school there is a small area of about twenty or so chairs for parents and other interested members of the public to come into the school, take a seat, and observe a class in session. But every so often, we get these visitors, usually late at night or on weekends, to come and observe. It took my slow-mind to catch on, but these people are not potential students or simple on-lookers from the curious public, not at all, these are students or fighters (as they like to think of themselves) from other schools just scoping out the competition at our school. They come in and plop down, usually in groups of three or more and point, sneer, roll there eyes as we are in the middle of class. Personally, I think it's disrespectful and have never done that to another school or class. Fortunately these creeps don't come by our school often. But recently I took notice of the fact that several of them sported bruises and cuts, nothing big mind you, but it was noticeable from a distance, and some of these people were girls as well, which shouldn't surprise anyone I suppose. Like badges of honor, they made no attempts at hiding these injuries, and being naive my first thought was 'Wow that must be some hardcore school they have.' But I was quickly corrected by one of our black belts, who informed me that there were a couple of fight clubs which operated in the area, you never knew when or where one would pop up to have another meeting, it was all by invitation only. Upon hearing this disturbing news, I went from labeling these people as not just being 'creepy', but a bunch of 'freaks'! I mean what idiot wants to get potentially disabled, and for what? We are talking some serious mental deficiency on the part of such people. Why not expend some of that energy into helping the poor, homeless, less fortunate of society instead of beating each other senseless in some gym, or basement? What a waste of time and life. So I am actually going somewhere with this long rambling observation, and the setting takes place outside of my school, in the parking lot to be exact. On a side note, one of the things I love about warm weather are the long days, how the sun just seems to hang in the late afternoon sky for hours on end. It was late spring of 2006 when I was strolling to my car, in a very good mood from my excellent workout, I had also changed out of my gi and into a light pair of gray sweats and tee shirt. "Hey Corbin!" The voice came from my right as I was about to put my key into the lock, it was Jeff from my class. "You interested in entering a competition?" He asked, like me he was still sweating from class. "The school just had one." I said a little confused. "No, not at the school." He started. "No, absolutely not, I only do school competitions." I stated firmly. This has long been an annoying topic of debate between me and several other students at the school who like to go out and 'represent' themselves in competitions. They wanted me to join with them so as to 'represent' the female population at our humble little establishment. But as I have always said, no...no...and NO! "You wouldn't be fighting a guy!" He tried to state as if that was suppose to change my mind. "I won't be fighting anyone! Besides, you don't think I can handle a guy? I just handled you easily in class." I snapped back, but looked away when I realized I was getting snippy. "I didn't mean it like that." He said quickly. I took a deep breath and exhaled, I looked back up and Jeff was still blushing from my agitated remark about whipping his butt in class. "What kind of competition are you talking about?" I finally asked, but keep in mind I had no intention of competing, I was just making polite conversation. "It's just a private group that gets together." Jeff finally said after some hesitation. And that's how it sometimes happens, or at least that's how it happened to me, just someone knowing someone is all it takes, but that wasn't all of it. A few of the girls that fight in this so-called 'fight club' had been checking me out by dropping by at night (recall those creeps that kept hanging around?). Anyway, I was floored and disheartened, I actually grabbed Jeff by the shoulder with my left hand and tried to shake some sense into him! Literally I found myself shaking his shoulder back and forth. "Jeff have you lost your mind! Those fights are crazy! You could get really hurt!" Gheesh, I felt like some older sister scolding him. But it was no use, he just tuned me out, but a few months later he did get hurt pretty bad and he finally came to his senses, and quit going. "Just come check it out, these girls are pathetic!" And on and on, and on he went. But the more he spoke the more my stomach began to turn. Flash backs to me fighting Courtney came to mind for some reason, the closest thing that I have had to an all-out bare fisted brawl, and after that fight was done I was almost sick to my stomach. "NO!" I stated. "But they talk so much smack about you Corbin, you gotta at least put a couple in there place! Damn, come on!" "NO Jeff! It's just a never ending thing, and it's just plain wrong!" I said. I tried to talk HIM out of going, and he tried to talk ME into going, but in the end no one changed the other's mind. But as fate would have it, some butch looking girl, with cropped, spiked hair and several nose and lip rings came into class late one night. She basically said she wanted a private lesson but I knew she was from *that* club, the bruises and cuts on her arms, face and neck (some old, some new) were another clue. I was pissed that someone would have the rude audacity to march into my realm and challenge me like that, just so rude and vulgar! To my dismay, we drew a small crowd of students, yes friends of mine, but anyway I walked back into a small padded room and we grappled. There is no use going into allot of detail here, she fought dirty just as I thought she would (she fought street fight style, hair pulling, pinching, but even knew some ground fighting techniques), but it didn't help her one bit, I wrapped her up a dozen times in about ten minutes, choking her, knee locks, arm-bars, you name it, and when I decided it was time to end this joke of a fight I put her in a rear choke and asked her if she wanted any more, and warned her that if she answered 'yes', I would make her pass out. She actually did the smarting thing of the night, she said 'no more'. I shouldn't have done that, If my instructor knew I had done that, on School Property, he would have probably suspended me from the school or flat out kicked me out for good. I was a nervous wreck for weeks fearing someone in the School would slip up and tell him what I did. But it never happened. ********** I won't rehash in detail my first few days or weeks at the Nursery, I've already covered that somewhat in prior posts. But briefly I went thru a very brief period of indoctrination; First, I was a distraction for the male staff because they initially thought I was hired just for their viewing pleasure. What viewing? I wear very long baggy shorts and shirts year round. Second, I began to irritate a number of them because I was physically superior to any male there, so their pride took a hit. Third, I was challenged constantly about all aspects of horticulture and the like, but I'm a quick learner, err...well...sometimes. Pretty much what I expected, I was more enthralled with showing up to work in very relaxed clothing then anything else. My way of celebrating a first day at work was to hit the gym, no surprise there, normally I would have been to celebrate with Nik, but she was working late, so I went to the gym! Being a Monday night, it is usually swamped and with warmer weather hanging in the air, it was extremely packed with people desperate to get in shape by full blown summer time. 'What a bunch of tourists!' is my first thought every spring, whatever! These people are a joke! 1.) Half of them look like they are about to fall asleep on the equipment. 2.) The other half have put on more weight over the winter, and just when I thought some of them could not get any fatter! Look, why is it so hard for you people to reject food that is bad for you! Diets do not work and those five minute crunches during commercials will never work you fools. Only hard, sweat drenched physical activity with healthy balanced meals will get results. Everything else is a fade and you will always find yourself looking in the mirror, only to have a fat, defeated looser looking back at you. I believe in survival of the fittest. I have lost almost all compassion for overweight people in this world, particularly in the United States, we've become a country of comfortable lard asses. So back to the gym... When I say the place was packed, I mean everyone was there and allot of new faces I have never seen before, 'What the hell! I've only been away for a little over two weeks, you think I've been gone for over two years! I could feel the blood rushing to my head in anger, I loath waiting on a bench or workout equipment. Trying to walk from the check in desk to the locker room at the back of the gym was like maneuvering thru an obstacle course of friendly faces and small chit chat. "Hey! Corbin!" Oh god, what now! I was almost to the women's locker room, when I was stopped again. But I turned and saw Jenna briskly walking towards me, she had abruptly left a small circle of her friends. To this day I still have a hard time believing that this is the same Jenna that would shoot me dirty looks and issue personal challenges, now she is all smiles and hugs whenever around me, but what's not to love! Get to know me and life is grand! Okay, don't barf too loud at that self assessment. And then she pointed out someone in the gym, way across the other side of the weight room. "Do you know her?" Jenna pointed at the dark skinned girl, who was looking rather impressive from the back, when she turned my face crinkled with displeasure, it was Tasha. 'What the hell is she doing here, at MY gym, invading MY turf.' Was all I could think. On the flip side, she was looking pretty damn fit, she wasn't on my level, or Jenna's, but she was a distant fourth or fifth behind a few other women. I still put myself at the top tier, but that's my own personal assessment of the situation. "Sort of, friends with my roommate. Why?" I was studying Jenna, trying clue into where this was going. "Been hearing some unflattering remarks coming from her, not directly, so I can't validate them first hand. Just whenever your name is brought up, it's been said she goes out of her way to insinuate you are all show and no go." Jenna shrugged. "All show and no go? What the hell does that mean?" "All talk, no action? I don't' know" Jenna smirked. "Well, whatever, I think I just rub her the wrong way, we've never had a real falling out or anything, just one of those bitchy vibes." I said. "Want me to kick her ass?" Jenna smiled. "I can take care of it, but thanks." I sigh. "Oh I know you can take care of things." And Jenna's right hand grips my arm affectionately. The rest of the night, I could tell I was being watched, and I know who was watching me. Tasha even acknowledged me, by giving the ever faintest of nods, but that was it. It was bizarre, I'm used to guys and girls watching me exercise, but Tasha was observing me in a way that seemed to almost study me. I wouldn't say the girl actually shadowed me around the gym, but as the weeks progressed and she improved she would make an effort to push herself on the weight machines so that I could see how much see how much she could squat, curl or press. I think I flattened her balloon a few times when I walked right up to a leg press machine after her, and I would put the pin all the way to the bottom and started doing several reps. That really seemed to irk her, I smiled, but my little voice was warning me, 'Don't be a show off, stay humble Corbin!' So I corrected my ego trip and started to avoid Tasha, I told myself I had nothing to prove and promised myself never to do that again. After all, the karma police are always patrolling and the minute I let my pride get away from me, something always blindsides me. Better I keep myself in check. ********** If things sound all warm and fuzzy in my life, well guess again, Nik and I definitely have our arguments but we each go out of our way to make it up to one another. The last argument we had was my fault and I was just being a stubborn, hard headed...SOME ONE STOP ME ALREADY!!!...anyway, I can be very crafty when I want to be. I went to my primary care physician and concocted some excuse about my right knee in pain from an old soccer injury and asked for a referral for some physical therapy. I asked for a specific medical clinic, and wouldn't you know it, it's where Nikki works! How lucky is that :) I then had to specifically request that Nikki work with me as my Physical Therapist. "Corbin." And I looked up from flipping thru my magazine to see her standing there, in a very professional outfit. She looked stunningly beautiful, as usual. "What's wrong with your knee?" She asked, and I could tell she thought I was full of it. "It hurts when I do this." I lifted my right leg up and moved it back and forth. "Well stop doing that, and there are allot of other therapists in the state." She looked at me, very serious like, she was still pissed at me for the argument we got into, I could tell. "You won't help me? Do I need to speak with your boss? This is terrible customer service." And I couldn't hold back a smile. She still didn't think I was funny and clenched her jaw, abruptly turning around. "Follow me." And she quickly walked off down a hallway. I spastically grabbed my purse and chased after her. "Sit." She pointed to a padded table. "You've even gone to the trouble to have x-rays, nice touch." She sighed. "What really brings you here." And she hastily snapped each of the x-rays into the backlit display. "I need some therapy." That caused her to freeze and she looked over her shoulder, "You need therapy all right." But I caught a faint glimpse of a smirk as she turned away, back to my x-rays. "There's nothing wrong in any of the pictures. Do you want me to physically examine your leg and knee?" She asked reluctantly but I got the feeling it was required. "Absolutely." I said and stood up to unbutton my jeans, I watched her try and avert her gaze from my legs but I caught her eyes traveling up and down my thighs, all the way up to my cotton panties. She scooted her chair up and cleared her throat, as she seemed to be struggling with something. "Nice legs." She mumbled. I leaned over close to her head "Thank you." "We've been all over you knee Corbin, and nothing hurts, so where is the pain coming from?" She sat back in her chair. "Right here." And I moved my right forefinger to my chest, right over my heart and held it there, I had stopped smiling. I couldn't tell how she was taking all of this and so I decided to play the 'humorous card' some more. "I think I'm gong to need months of therapy, this could take a long time." "You got that right." She sighed and stood up, "And it's expensive, can you afford it." "It will be worth it." I said and finished slipping my legs into my pants, and I took a step forward until there was only about a foot separating us. "Nik?" I said finally and here goes, I took a big gulp and there went every bit of pride I had left. "Hmmm?" She sighed and set the clipboard down on the table and looked at me, finally looking into my eyes. "I'm sorry, I was rude and insensitive." Nik simply pulled me onto her shoulder and hugged me, I clutched onto her in return. "Oh love." Nikki sighed and began kissing me on the neck and cheek. "I'm sorry Nik for acting like an ass." I pulled away and both of my hands came up and cupped her face, "So does this mean you forgive me." I kiss her on the lips. Nikki smiles a little, her full lips, so lush and moist move to form a smile as her white teeth come into view, "Of course I forgive you, you certainly didn't need to go to all this trouble just to apologize!" Nikki gave me this funny look, "But it definitely helps!" "Oh well, your worth every bit of it." I said. There now, all nice and better, and if you managed to get thru that icky sweet moment, then you just might have a brain up there. ********** Life was getting settled now, I was getting adjusted to work, back in the gym on a regular basis, (On a side note, are you kind readers getting sick of me gushing over my girlfriend? WELL TOO BAD!! I'm going to babble and write lovey- dovey things until your eyeballs fall out!!) So, like I was saying before I so rudely interrupted myself, things finally were settled a bit when a big wrecking ball came swinging into my life; It was late in the fall of 2004, Sharon was being very low key, keeping to herself in her room, hmm, I should have read the signals but simply refocused on taking a shower and hitting the gym on this beautiful Sunday morning. I was in my room doing a quick towel dry of my long, pain in the ass, blonde hair when I heard the knock, my heart jumped with joy as I thought of it being Nikki. Although I was going to the gym, and already had my gym clothes on, I started to primp and brush my hair, powdered my face a little, and even sprayed on a little perfume. I was getting all excited and giddy!! I yanked open the door with a big smile on my face....and there stood...Dale? What a bummer. Don't get me wrong, I like seeing Dale, but I was still disappointed. "Hi Dale." I waved and froze for a minute, observing an awkward moment between Sharon and Dale as I stood watching. 'Weird' I thought, and was lost in thought for a minute while my blonde scattered brain struggled with a startling assumption. "Corbin." I heard Sharon's voice call out to me, it was soft and sweet, more so then usual. "Huh?" I snapped out of my day dream and looked up. "Could you come in here for a minute?" Sharon was asking, and now she and Dale were walking into the small living area of our townhouse. Slowly I began to move, I seemed to be taking account of everything, every footstep, every breath I drew as my heart was beating harder now, not necessarily faster, but harder, how odd. My cheeks went flush and my brain suspended all thoughts, fearing what may be coming next, I didn't want to think, I wanted to hear it from her mouth. I sat down in the large chair, my palms resting on the top of my bare knees, I had my long running shorts on that stopped right above my knees. Sharon and Dale sat on the couch together and Dale was between Sharon and me, but that soon changed, Sharon stood and nervously brushed out her short dress before moving to sit down on the couch closer to me. "Babe, I want to tell you something." I sat, eyes wide studying Sharon, watching her pretty face, she tried to smile but it seemed forced and nervous. Her sweet blue eyes glanced at Dale a few times and he was avoiding eye contact with me, in fact he seemed to looking almost completely at Sharon. "While you were in Portugal with Nikki, Dale and I started talking, actually he came around looking for you but you were out of the country." Sharon smiled and reached over, her hand was warm and reassuring as she rubbed the back of my left hand. "This is about me?" I leaned forward, a bit confused "Well, not really, there is more, because you see, while you were away the more Dale and talked the more we found out we had allot in common." Sharon froze and Dale slowly looked at me and froze. I don't recall a muscle moving in my face or elsewhere in my body, I know I sat rigid, maybe it was my eyes that were conveying all of my emotion. Sharon's hand slowly withdrew from her soothing touch, maybe she feared I was about to snap it off. I was staring straight at Dale now, waiting for him to say something, he got the message and lowered his head, taking a deep breath. His strong hands clasped together in a tight ball and then looked up at me, his face was a mess of emotions as he tried to collect his thoughts. As for me, I was having a hard time gauging my own reaction, I wasn't sure to be angry, sad, betrayed, did I have a right to any of those feelings? I was very confused at that moment. Because while neither Sharon nor Dale had verbally confirmed it, I was already jumping ahead to the conclusion that they were dating...a couple! "I love you so much Corbin, but because of your feelings for Nikki I know that is where you wanted to be. Sharon and I didn't plan on getting romantically involved, but it happened, but we don't want you be upset with us. I don't want you to feel like Sharon or I have betrayed you because you and I dated back in College." "DATED!" I snapped, "We more then dated Dale, we were seriously involved, I thought I might marry you one day!" "I know, I know..." He gasped and leaned back with a look of hurt, "I was NOT insinuating it was anything casual!" He pleaded. "Baby please!" Sharon reached over, but I smacked her hand away and stood up, I felt my face turn beat red with anger. "YOU! YOU JUST SHUT-UP! You've always wanted to steal Dale away from me! You're nothing but a back stabbing coward!" I snapped. "I'm sorry! It's not like that Corbin!" Sharon started to cry profusely, I didn't expect that reaction at all and even Dale was getting upset, tears welling up in his eyes. Sharon immediately launched into a babbling, sobbing explanation, I had to literally lean over and shake her shoulders and order her to calm down. "You two aren't together, Dale and I are happy..." She kept blubbering shaking her head. "SHARON BE QUIET!" I snapped. She slumped forward and cradled her face into the palms of her hands. "I'm joking! I'm kidding!" I smiled and took a step back. "Damn, I should be an actor." I said pumping my fist a couple of times in the air triumphantly. "What!" Sharon sat up right, tears still streaking down her face, Dale expression was priceless, he was totally confused. "What?" Dale said. "Look I admit, I'm pretty floored by it, because I did have feelings for you Dale, so yeah I don't want to think about it too much I guess, might give me a headache. But the fact that you dumped that rotten bitch Tiffany, I am elated over that! And Sharon is well, so beautiful, caring and giving I don't know why I never thought of paring you two up before." I could see the relief sweep over Dale's face and he stood up, bit Sharon wasn't to be so forgiving, she bolted upright and pressed her left hand against Dale's chest before he could step forward and give me a hug. "That was all an act! I'm having a nervous breakdown and your ACTING!!!" Sharon snaps. "Sorry." I shrug. "You bitch!" Sharon seethes and her right hand slaps me on the left should hard. "OW!" I recoil. "That's for making me get upset and now I have to reapply all my makeup!" She huffed, "Now you can go give her a hug." Sharon dropped her hand and Dale gave us a big grin as he stepped in to embrace me, Sharon followed suite as the three of us hugged one another. "Don't get any ideas Dale, this is as far as this threesome is going." I say. "I was thinking no such thing." He protests. "Yeah right." Sharon sides with my comment. We all take a step back, forming a small circle holding hands, I'm smiling now and can feel the tears coming up in my eyes, "I'm really so happy for you both, I hope you fall in love and get married." And the tears really do start coming and now Sharon's crying to. "Well, you WILL be my maid of honor!" Sharon states. "Of course I will." I sigh. "Hey what the hell! We just started dating!" Dale looked at us both as if we were crazy. Sharon was very touchy feely with me, very relieved I was taking it so well, but then she pulled me aside in the kitchen and started to pick my brain about what Dale was like when he and I dated. I was reluctant to talk about that, I want to keep those memories private between Dale and I, but I told her I would open up a little more later tonight when it's just the two of us. Mean time, all this yapping is cutting into my gym time!! ********** Life did have it's downers, like watching Sharon and Dale get more and more serious, I sometimes shook my head in disbelief, but smiled because they both looked amazingly happy and in love. Just weird you know, after all I knew that Sharon had the hots for Dale but respected our friendship first and foremost so there was never any rivalry there. As backstabbing and manipulative as Sharon can be, she took great pains to never do that to me, more importantly she truly appeared to be happy with Dale. Sharon's family was overjoyed when she brought Dale home to meet the parents. Unfortunately Dale is not used to high maintenance woman like Sharon, but he made the adjustment. Then there was Tasha, her presence at the gym was not temporary, unfortunately, and she had developed a posse of hanger-on's, weak people who cling to the 'bold' personality in a group, regardless of how idiotic that ring leader may be. "Yeah I know, she's intimidated by me". The timing of that comment, again, was not by chance as I strolled by with my gym bag in hand. I had even slowed down when I heard it, although I vowed not to let Tasha manipulate me into some kind of confrontation. Yet saying and doing can be two totally different things, especially when someone is as determined as Tasha to pick a fight with you. I even considered working out on equipment that put the greatest distance between me and Tasha as possible, but that was silly, I usually kept my iPod plugged into my ears when exercising so that was the best way to tune people out. "Can I help you?" Came the voice as I was sitting on a bench just a couple of feet away, I was taking a minute breather from bench pressing some weights, it didn't even register that someone was standing to my left, talking directly to me, until I felt someone staring. Then it came again, "Can I help you?" It wasn't with the pleasant tone a Customer Service representative would have when sincerely wanting to help, oh no I noted, it was with that condescending tone. I tugged on my left ear piece and simply turned my head calmly, knowing full well it was Tasha standing there, and asked, "I beg your pardon?" Tasha smiled, "Oh, that's nice, 'I beg your pardon', very formal and polite." Tasha mocked. "Do you have a point to make?" I sighed. "Yeah, I do, why is it you seem too good to socialize with anyone here?" Tasha continued. "This is a membership club, and as a member Corbin can do what she pleases, it's not a social club." My buddy Leslie was suddenly there, obviously she had overheard Tasha's comment. Tasha sneered over at Leslie, the only thing on Leslie's side was that she was an employee of the club, other then that, Tasha could probably chew the girl up and spit her out. "It's okay Leslie." I looked over and up and gave her a smile. "It's okay?" Tasha leaned back and put her hands on her hips. "We will see about that." And the girl just walked off. "That was totally uncalled for, her ass is out of here, I'll get her membership revoked...without a refund..." Leslie leaned over to me and hissed. "Forget it Leslie, not that I don't appreciate what you're trying to do." I wanted her to let it go. Sounds like I'm just trying to play nice, right? Well for a long time I used to think that too, play passive a little bit and hope the bully goes away. In reality, I have now learned I was being passive- aggressive, letting the antagonist continue to push things until I felt forced to retaliate, sort of provoking the situation if you will. All Tasha had to do was keep on being Tasha and with a little luck the right place and time will present itself and Tasha will learn a lesson she will never forget. OR... I will get my ass whipped, I certainly hope that doesn't happen! Anyway, more important things to focus on as my long legs were covering the ground quickly, giving only faint waves of goodbye as my worries were instantly dismissed, even Tasha's lingering presence in the gym was of no issue as I had one goal in mind, to see my girl. I bounced up the stairs to her second floor apartment, Nikki jerked open the door before my hand had even knocked a third time. She had a big smile and a second later we were in a tight hug. "I stink." I complained. "You smell wonderful." Nikki sighed. "I need a shower." I kissed her neck, I could still feel trickles of sweat rolling down my cheeks. "Be my guest. I'm so glad you came by." I still couldn't believe it, was this really Nik? Or some cruel twist of fate where I am about to wake up from a dream. We were chatting about work as I started to get undressed, there was a familiar sense to it all, we both felt at ease having been around each other in the locker room back in College so many times that we kind of took the situation for granted. But other parts of my mind and body were responding, my entire body felt flush and thought, but just for a moment, I could feel my friend's eyes studying my breasts as they swung free from my sports bra. I was standing in my socks, running shorts and nothing else. There was nothing to be said, I didn't need to, but I wanted to, "Would you...join me." I asked. Nikki's fingers fumbled a bit as she started to unbutton her nice silk blouse. I was felling slightly paralyzed in my efforts as I watched Nik undress, I turned and warmed the water up, when I turned back she was slipping her panties off and my eyes tried to soak in every beautiful curve of her toned legs, abs, shoulders, arms and breasts, she was stunning, more so then Sharon. I had to remember to breath, I even felt insecure about my own body now, that's how stunning Nikki is. I quickly pulled down my shorts and panties, kicking them aside, a second later Nik bridged the short divide and wrapped her arms around my neck, our mouths were locked in a heavy deep kiss and we gently brushed our breasts and crotches together. The steam now pouring out of the shower pulled us out of kiss and we climbed in, eagerly washing each other, I loved how her beautiful round breasts felt in my hands as I covered them with soap. "I've always admired your breasts" the soft voice seemed to float towards me from out of the steam, as I felt Nikki gently squeeze and massage my chest, in no time at all my nipples were extremely hard. "And I've always wanted your breasts." I sighed. Nikki smiled at my compliment and just looked down, twisting her body around under the shower until her backside was towards me, giving me another fleeting smile before her head turned away. My eyes followed the stream of soap tinged water as it ran down the crack of Nikki's beautiful ass. "Would you wash my back?" Nikki asked while looking over her left shoulder, but the question came out with a sheepish tone...almost pleading. I froze and blinked my right hand seemed to extend under its own power, gently scooping up the soap from its cradle. Suddenly I was 'right there' behind my girlfriend, my mind spun off into a million directions as my right hand slowly placed the soap onto Nikki's right shoulder, gently working it over her shoulders and neck. It felt like I was touching a woman for the first time, my whole body ached as my heart pounded with excitement. "That feels nice" Nikki moaned and rolled her shoulders, my fingers were running up and down the length of Nikki's back, slowly probing her muscles, watching and listening to my friend and lover for indications of where she was receiving the most pleasure. Nikki suddenly started to turn, 'Damn' I thought, I didn't even get a chance to caress her wonderfully, firm, round ass. But now her two hands reached out and cradled my right hand, slowly taking the soap from me, "I'll do you now." I started to tremble where I stood. My mouth parted and remained hanging open, I could feel that, in fact I was quickly breathing in and out of my mouth now as my chest rose and fell with anxiety. It was barely a nod, but it was at least something...the only form of acknowledgment I could muster and slowly I turned to face the wall that the shower head projected from. Even the spray and flowing streams of water running over my body were undetectable as Nikki disappeared behind me. I proceeded to close my eyes, seconds slipped, like I've said before all of my lusting in the past pale to what I feel my girl. "Ohhhh love" Nikki whispered into my ear. I felt the muscles along my shoulders and neck spasm as Nikki's fingers touched down. I actually felt a shiver run up my spine as those hands seemed to know where I wanted to be touched. I slowly opened my eyes and tilted my head back until the sting of the shower was hitting my lips and upper chest allowing my eyelids to blink several times to clear my vision as I thought about how everything was unfolding. "You're shaking?" Nikki sighed with concern. "I want you so badly." I moaned and tried to control my fear, but all of my thoughts and fears broke apart when I suddenly gasped out loud, Nikki's hands had slipped around my firm waist until they came to rest on my abs. I looked down and saw what was coming, Nikki's fingers slithered over my wet stomach, inch by agonizing inch they lightly touched and probed my stomach muscles as I seemed to take longer and deeper gasps of air. My ample breasts rising and falling, Nikki hadn't stopped and wasn't even asking permission now, she was just 'doing it...taking me...' I thought and my most private area quivered and ached for Nikki's fingers to feel me down there. Nik embraced me into a tight hug while kissing my ear, "Oh my love." I started to cry. My body seemed to sway for a moment as the hot shower pounded me, I was moaning loudly as Nikki was back again, exploring my body, cupping my breasts, slowly exploring every inch. But I was sent over the edge as Nik took each of my nipples between her forefinger and thumb to gently squeeze and began to roll them gently. Not one to be loud, but the flow of noises from my mouth seemed constant as my lover pinched down and started to massage my tits. I stopped thinking and let my lust assume total control, I started to grind my butt into Nik's crotch. Nikki's mouth was on my neck, biting, kissing and sucking on my skin "I've never wanted anyone like I've always wanted you, I'll never love anyone like I love you." I heard her moan as I could feel Nikki grinding her body against mine. Nikki pushed her hips and crotch against my ass, as a man would, whilst her hands firmly squeezed deep into my breasts. "Stay right where you are." Nikki moaned, and she turned around to get something, when she did her smooth, but firm ass pressed against mine and a moan left from my mouth. Instinctively I braced against the wall and pushed my own firm ass back into hers, soon we were engaged in a sensual grind as our two asses gyrated against and into one another, it was so erotic and stimulating. But now Nikki had other ideas and pulled away, "Turn around' she said. I turned to finally face my girlfriend, her right hand gracefully reached for the shower knob and turned it off. Our bodies, dripping wet as our arms reached for one another, Nikki's hands found my face as her fingers gently caressed. Every part of my body felt sensually alive...sexually intense. "You're beautiful" I sighed. "You are the beautiful one" Nikki kindly replied and she pulled me into a gentle hug. Her left hand came around to show me what she had retrieved, a copious amount of gel was in her hand, she slowly spread the lotion over her chest, shoulders and arms. "Rub it on me." I said with an excited smile. "I plan to." She smiled back and rubbed it on me she did, but instead of using her hands she began to slide her body up against mine and the mixture of water and slippery lotion was stimulating us with crazy lust. Our hard thick nipples dragged over our bodies and continued to stimulate them until mine were as hard as I ever felt them. Sometimes I feel like sharing all of the intricate details of my personal life and other times I do not, this is something I will keep to myself. After that shower, when we got to her bed we began a slow exploration of our bodies, giving one another pleasure for hours, talking openly and honestly about what we wanted the other to do. Our eyes rarely closed, partly seeking continue validation in what was happening and the other half was a desire to witness the beauty that was unfolding. When Nik and I make love, it goes far beyond anything I ever could imagine.