My Story 42
By Corbin
How life tests the endurance, patience, and sometimes faith of one young woman.

**********

Some people live their dreams
Some people close their eyes
Some people's destiny passes by

What are the reasons why
Nothing stays the same

Someday I'll try to forget them
Someday I'll be over you

**********

Anyway, we all lived happily ever after, The End. 
 
Yeah right! 

I still smile at the first time I ever confided to someone in College that I  
might have feelings for another woman. It wasn't the most reassuring 
conversation: 
 
"I think I'm gay." I told Claire. 
 
"Do you eat pussy?" She asked flat out, to which I just made this horrid  
expression and finally said, "NO!" 
 
"Then you're not gay." 
 
Oh, it's that cut and dry, *whew* and for a minute I thought it was going to be 
a tough thing to work thru. But I should have known, Claire was a big dummy and  
had the depth of the shallow end of a pool where the toddler's play. I think my  
reaction was more to the vulgar, insensitive way she asked the question. Anyway,  
Nikki and I never got *that* far back in school, but that was then and  
well...times change. 
 
******** 
 
It's odd how the day will start out one way and end up going in a totally  
different direction. In this case it started out well and ended up shitty, well  
not shitty for me, but I don't like tense situations. 
 
So at this point let me re-introduce Carrie. (Don't remember her? No biggie, 
she's best forgotten anyway. Which is sad because I wish more athletic women 
would be my friend instead of trying to be my competition.) 
 
Sharon and I were heading to a nearby College park to kick back and relax. We're 
sitting at a stoplight when a car rolls up to our right, loaded with guys and 
that's when I get that 'vibe'. They are all looking at us, that's when they 
start with the baiting;

"Where you girls going?"

No response from us.

"What are your names?

No response and now Sharon is waiving them off, not giving them the finger, just  
a few flicks of the wrist like 'get lost'. I just glance over and roll my eyes  
and look straight ahead. It's best not to engage in any kind of banter, no  
matter what you say it only encourages guys. 
 
I never understood the driving down the road, or stop light pickup attempts by  
guys. Do any of you have success at that? I mean that really is the lamest  
thing. It used to cause my blood pressure to shoot up, but because I can now  
predict exactly when it happens, (at least once a day it seems) I am able to  
simply tune them out. Some guys even wave their arms like a bunch of monkeys  
trying to get my attention, mostly the rednecks in pickup trucks and 
construction workers pull that crap. And NO, I'M NOT CUTTING THEM ANY SLACK, 
it's annoying and dangerous, I'm trying to drive a fucking car and those idiots 
are trying to distract me.
 
Anyway, we got to the park and headed off across the open green field to a place 
where a casual game of football was underway.  We would still have some privacy 
while being entertained. Sharon had on a pair of dark blue shorts, just snug 
enough against her nice firm butt.  Her long tan legs, stretched out forever, 
while her white designer t-shirt barely meet the top of her shorts, exposing her 
slender waist. Her long brown hair was pulled into a loose ponytail. 

As for me, I was wearing my blue Adidas knit warm-up suit, very sexy! (Not)
 
We had to move at least three damn times before Sharon gave her final approval, 
another thing that annoyed me to no end. "So damn picky" I would complain. 

And then I spotted her, Carrie down on the field. Carrie definitely had 'Top 
Bitch' attitude when it came to sports.  Still, I had to give the girl credit, 
she looked incredible, she seemed able to keep up with (even surpass)  
most of the guys.  Her lean, athletic build gave her the speed and endurance  
she needed, and while I'm not a fan of redheads, her hair was incredible, it had 
that wavy, flame red tint. 
 
During a break, John, a friend of both Sharon and myself ambled on over towards 
us. 'Ahhh NUTS!' I was thinking, 'There goes our attempt to sit back and relax 
in the sun.'

"You guys want to join in?" He asked. 
  
Sharon just burst out laughing at the suggestion, "I don't think so." Flexing 
her fingers to observe her perfectly manicured fingernails, instantly dismissing 
the idea. 
 
I just smiled, leaned back and stretched my legs out, shaking my head 'No'. Now 
that should have been the end of it, but I'm seeing Carrie watching with some 
intensity, I guess her curiosity led her to slowly navigate closer to where John 
was standing.  Again John asked but I just said "Nope". That answer apparently 
didn't sit well with the redhead, as she pipes up;

"Come on, we need the extra player." 

So now I'm picking up that competitive vibe from the girl, sure enough she gives 
a clue, "John's pays you allot of compliments, about how good you are at 
everything (the 'everything' comment was dripping with hostility) I'd thought 
you would jump at the chance."

'So there it is.' I thought and figured out her real motivation, she's insecure 
and needs to show everyone on the field that she can one-up me. 
 
Finally, with enough prodding, I handed my sun glasses to Sharon and slowly  
got up. Looking back briefly, Sharon discreetly blew me a kiss. Initially, 
after new selections were made, I found myself on the same team as Carrie's.  
'Well now, this kind of puts a kink in her plans.' and I smiled as she seemed to 
be obviously irritated by the way things worked out. I admit, I was a bit 
relieved, this girl had a bone to pick with me and I wasn't in any mood to find 
out what lengths she was willing to go to.


********** 
 
Even though I share a great many personal thoughts, I have found writing to be 
way cheaper then frequent visits to the therapist. It's true, it's good  
therapy for me, I get to reflect on things and along the way attempt to make  
sense of some of the things I've done, or should have done. 
 
Having watched my Grandmother's memory deteriorate over the years, it was an  
eye opening thing to experience. And one day, all of the things that have come  
to pass in my life will also fade from my memory (some of those can't fade fast  
enough), but that's a fact of life for all of us. That is why I try to include 
every nugget of information I can recall.

********** 

Will sex make a relationship more complicated? (Before marriage that is) 

I say yes, and I've always felt it best to abstain from engaging in 
sex/lovemaking before marriage.

"Sex will only make things more complicated." Most repeated statement from my 
mom.

"Wait till you get married to have sex." Second most repeated statement from my 
mom. 

Both are not exact quotes, but essentially that is what she communicated to me 
for years, prior to and during my developmental years. (Like that word? :) 
"DEVELOPMENTAL", sounds impressive so I used it.)

I think it helped that my mom walked the walk and talked the talk. She was a 
virgin when she married my father. He would just get all twitchy and 
uncomfortable when I would ask him questions about the subject, "Shouldn't you 
be talking to your mother about these things." He would say when I pressed him.

Sharon speaks very highly of sex, (as do some of my other friends) and makes 
good arguments of how sex can enrichen a relationship while a woman is still 
able to maintain her self respect. She argued that one can actually increase 
respectability by knowing how to wield her sexual powers in and out of bed while 
in a monogamous/long-term relationship. Choosing whom you have sex with, based 
on love and not lust, conveys allot. That's true; Nikki, Sharon and many other 
women I know are greatly revered by guys even though they were sexually active 
with their boyfriends. The difference was they never had one-night-stands (or 
casual sex if you prefer) and they always practiced safe sex.

Then there is the troubling side of things; The friends that told me horror 
stories of one-night-stands, date rape, and waking up the next day after going 
on spring break (or to a bar) and loosing count the number of guys they slept 
with.

College was obviously the hardest time to deal with this, what with the constant 
flow of social activities that puts one in constant interaction with the 
opposite sex. So picture my daily dilemma: I'm an athlete, in top physical 
condition, I'm going to the gym, my adrenaline is pumping and so are my 
hormones. Then I find myself surrounded by all of these good looking, in shape 
men, temptation was everywhere.

So, decision time came while sitting in the school clinic, I was holding the 
hand of one of my girlfriends as we sat there, waiting for the nurse to come out 
and meet with her. Waiting to see the results of a battery of STD tests. I was 
there for moral support and can remember NEVER wanting to be in her position. I 
played this support role for a few more girlfriends. The look of fear on they're 
faces as they sat waiting, knowing that a few test results could be life 
altering. I did not mind being a rock for them to lean on, often my friends 
would say to me in secret, 'I so admire you Corbin, I wish I had your 
willpower.' Yeah, yeah, nice compliment I know, but they sure as hell like to 
razz me with the other group of girls when I come around.

I sure got barraged with a wide spectrum of input from girlfriends about my 
position on premarital sex, from admiration and respect to mocking laughter. 
They didn't laugh so much when word of my virginity got out, and they watched 
guys re-doubling their efforts to get a date with me. Looks like I got the last 
laugh.

"He who laughs last, laughs best."

But then there is this one:

"He who laughs last, thinks slowest."

I don't know which one applies to me...hmmm...

Anyway, it sucks having to put the brakes on things, BUT I've never woken up the 
next morning thinking, "Damn! I wish I would have had sex last night!" That 
tells me that I'm on the right track.

But trust me, I have wild, passionate fantasies about making love, the kind that 
you need a mop and bucket to clean up after.

*AGHEM* Okay, let me get my mind out the gutter.

**********

Carrie was not going to let me off the hook so easy.

"How about you guys take 'her'!" Pointing to me. "They're team needs all the 
help they can get." She smiled condescendingly. 

I just looked over to Sharon and shrugged my shoulders as if to say 'whatever' 
and moved over to the other team. When we lined up I heard Sharon whistle loudly 
and clapping her hands. Well, well, I look up and guess who is opposite me? 
Why it's Carrie! What a surprise! The dumb redhead has this smug grin on her 
face, like she has a present for me, a present which I am not going to like.
 
The ball snapped and I lunged to my left, Carrie took the bait, and I took off 
to my right. Carrie just found out I'm pretty quick, evident by the "Fuck" 
that came out of her mouth a second later. By some chance I looked over my 
shoulder to see if they were going to pass me the ball and damn, HERE IT COMES!

I have to slow and turn my upper body, I'm watching the football float in the 
air for a few seconds, perform that perfect spin against a cloudless blue sky. 
'I've got it!' my mind is telling me, it's coming home to mamma! I might have 
even had a grin on my face. The next thing I felt was a jolting impact, I'm 
grunting loudly as my face is eating dirt and grass. In almost the same instance 
I could hear Sharon's voice yelling,

"HEY! FOUL!...What the hell was that!?" 

I roll my head to the right and saw Sharon walking towards the field and she was 
pissed. I tried to push myself up, but there was this weight on top of me that 
shouldn't still be there. Carrie, it seems, was taking her sweet time getting 
off of me, not even bothering to extend a friendly help up. In fact she gave me 
this faint smirk of satisfaction before turning away. I rolled to a sitting 
position and watched as Brian ran up to Carrie, "Uhm, how about tackling her 
after she has the ball?" 

"Hey, I got carried away, it happens." Carrie shot back very defensive. I 
understood now, Carrie didn't care about winning this game at all, she 
wanted to hurt me and show me up. Carrie just blew off the grief she got from 
everyone about it being a 'cheap shot'. I observed that Carrie was back in her 
huddle, but rotating her shoulder slightly in discomfort, the one she used to 
nail me with. Now that brought a smile to my lips, guess she just found 
out I am wall of muscle under this long sleeve/pants warm up suite. So I'm up on 
both feet and Sharon is on the field looking me over, pulling grass out of my 
hair and wiping dirt off my chin.

"Are you ok? What the fuck is her problem? She blind-sided you, you can't let 
her get away with that!!"
 
"It's ok Sharon, really, let it go." I smiled to let her know I was okay.

Well, Carrie is now watching us, unfortunately Sharon also took notice of that 
and her notorious mouth went into action, "What the fuck are you looking at 
carrot top?" Sharon started walking in Carrie's direction, but I quickly grabbed 
her around the waist and pulled her back begging her to calm down.

"Bring it on Barbie doll!" Carrie threw the football down to the ground and took 
a step forward.

"I'll shove that football up your ass!" Sharon snapped and tried prying my 
arms from around her waist. Sharon was serious to, she rarely blew her top in 
public like this and when she did she was determined to follow thru on it.

"Sharon, please!" I pleaded into her ear again and again, "Let me handle it."

Sharon remained looking over at Carrie, who stood there as her left hand came up 
waving Sharon over in a taunting fashion. Sharon just mouthed the words above a 
faint whisper, "You...and...me...later...BITCH!" as she walked off the field.

So we line back up, "The game a little tougher then you thought?" Carrie began 
taunting me right away. I just shrugged and looked down at the ground avoiding 
eye contact, "I'll be fine." I just said.

"Maybe you should get your little girlfriend over here to help you." Carrie just 
kept on with it. I kept my head lowered and took a deep breath, I thought about 
how Sharon and I were worlds apart sometimes. I typically 'took it' while Sharon 
would have smacked the girl by now, although I have a short fuse sometimes. 
Suddenly the ball was in play and I found myself running interference for one of 
the guys. Their was a massive collision of bodies and Carrie took the 
opportunity to nail me yet again from behind. I went down and winced in 
discomfort, 'Damn that hurt' I thought moaning. Carrie triumphantly planted her 
hands on my back, giving me a firm push as she got up.
 
So now I'm getting up slowly, Carrie's little buddy Debbie had wondered over and 
leaned in to give me a hand. "You ok?" she asked and I just nodded 'yes'.

"She's brutal" Debbie said with a smile.  "But you'll survive, heck, look at me, 
I'm still kickin'."

That made me laugh a little and I thanked her. Everyone was taking a small 
break, a few of the guys came up to me and patted me on the back, "You okay?" 
they all asked. 

"I'm Fine" I smiled and enjoyed some of the attention for a few minutes, I 
enjoyed it more so because I saw that it was irritating the crap out of Carrie, 
even though she was nailing me left and right, I was getting all the attention 
on the field. During the break, I walked off the field over to where Sharon was 
sitting, rubbing my side a little as I walked.  By now, Sharon had her knees 
pulled up tight to her chest, her arms wrapped tightly around her legs as she 
rocked back and forth on her butt. "Uh-Oh, this is not good." I mumbled, noting 
that Sharon had that irritated look going on, with her nervous rocking motion 
that she sometimes does. I knelt down on the ground, to Sharon's left, all the 
while I kept my back to the field. Sharon just beamed a disgusted stair at the 
redhead several yards away.  

"Thank you." I said when Sharon handed me a water bottle.

"I'm pissed!" Finally she speaks, I knew it was only a matter of time, I could 
only smile for some wacky reason. 

"What about?" I played dumb, tilting my head back and shot a stream of 
water from the bottle into my mouth. God I was getting hot, I could now feel how 
sweat drenched my clothes were underneath.

"You know WHAT! That redheaded bitch down there on the field, she's been nailing 
you every chance she gets." 

I put the bottle down and looked up to the sky, closing my eyes I let the warm 
sunlight wash over her face, "I'm a mess and my running suite is probably 
ruined."

Sharon had now stopped rocking and looked over at me, "Don't change the 
subject!" Speaking to me in a slow direct manner, "I want to see some ass 
kicking." And she turned back toward the field.

"You're seeing it, mine!" I glanced over with a self mocking smile, which 
Sharon did not find amusing.

"No! I want to see HER ass starting to get kicked, now stop screwing around." 
Sharon whipped her sunglasses of and started to lean in close again. Sitting 
perfectly still, I smiled long and hard, watching my friends beautiful blue 
eyes and face tense up with hostility.

"I don't know I'm pretty tired." I just sighed, I could tell Sharon was trying 
not to smile.

She leaned in some more until our faces were only about two inches apart, 
"Either you go out there and put her in her place, or I'll kick *your* ass when 
we get home, I'm serious Corbin!"

"Is that a promise?" I asked, now I'm breaking into a full-blown smile while 
lifting my eyebrows with excitement. Sharon simply leaned away and put her 
sunglasses back on and stared straight ahead. 

"Yes." She said in a very a matter of fact fashion, "Now get busy." Came the 
order from her mouth.

Well, I noticed Carrie had this look of excitement when she saw me stroll back 
onto the field. Although her expression changed to puzzlement when I just waved 
and smiled at her in a casual manner. I guess that pissed her off cause she 
walked right up to me and asked, "Back for more?"

"Yep" I just smiled.

When the ball snapped, I stepped aside and let Carrie make her run out to 
receive the ball.  I watched and waited, Carrie was fast alright, but I paced 
myself and caught up beside her. At the moment the ball grazed the palms of 
Carrie's outstretched hands I banked to the left, hard, my mind and body were  
ready...IMPACT. It was beautiful, as quickly as the ball came to Carrie's 
waiting, hungry palms, and she probably even felt that exhilaration of the 
perfect catch. But the glory was taken away from her, suddenly expelled from 
her grasp upon me plowing into her. I had thrown everything I had into it and I 
was amazed to see her toppled over like a bowling pin, in fact, I would have 
kept going right over top of her had my feet not gotten tangled up in her legs, 
causing me to fall, which was fine. I let all of my weight collapse on her.

I got a little scared when Carrie just laid there for a few seconds even after I 
got off of her. A luxury she did not extend to me.

"Carrie! You okay?" I asked, a little afraid I had gone too far. In the 
background I heard Sharon cheering something like 'Look at you now bitch!'.
Carrie slowly sat up she looked shaken and was trying to hide some discomfort.
I stuck my hand down to help her up, for my efforts she slapped away my 
outstretched hand.

"I'm fine!"

"Okay" I sighed and walked back over to my place 'should have seen that coming' 
I told myself, and didn't feel so bad about knocking her down. I glanced over 
and saw Sharon giving me the 'thumbs down' repeatedly, I knew what that meant, 
she wanted me to really put a hurting on the redhead, she wanted me to put 
Carrie down and out of the game. Sharon could be ruthless sometimes. But I just 
couldn't bring myself to be that ruthless, 'maybe just a little less will do' I 
considered. Suddenly, as if magically, the cocky air and attitude from Carrie 
had somewhat diminished. I watched the girl wince as she leaned over, but her 
eyes were now burning with a newfound hated towards me.  
 
The play was called and Carrie took off, a little slower then before, I guess 
the fall had zapped some of her energy.  I was making a run to try and tackle 
Brian, Carrie went to intercept me and suddenly, wouldn't you know it, I changed 
direction and plowed right into Carrie again...OOPS! How did that happen? :), 
not as hard as before, but the girl cried in pain when she was hit and a 
second cry went out upon impact with the ground. 

I kneeled down next to her she was lying on her left side, one knee curled up, 
and a short painful cough would expel from her mouth periodically. I put my 
face close to her right cheek and said in a soft tone, "You ok?" Well maybe I 
had a mocking tone in my voice. The girl turned her head and looked up at me 
with tears and pure hostility in her eyes, her once attractive face now a 
contortion of pain and anger. She gets almost nose to nose with me, took a deep 
breath and hissed; "Get the fuck away from me".

So I slowly got up and watch as Carrie painfully got to her feet, her right 
hand massaging her ribs and stomach. Her left making quick work of getting the 
tears off of her cheeks. Straightening herself up, Carrie briskly walked towards 
me and got right in my face, and then pushed me, I took a few steps back.

Hmm, the girls got guts I must say.

"What the hell do your think your doing?" Carrie snapped. Now we had a crowd. 
Some were verbally chastising me for the hit and many calling for a penalty on 
our team.

"I'm just playing football." I acted dumb and shrugged.

But John quickly walked over, "Everyone chill out!  Game's over for now anyway, 
the sky is getting ready to open up." Sure enough a fast moving storm had made 
its way in and a few raindrops began to come down.

"Maybe some other time." I began backing away and smiled, never leaving eye 
contact with Carrie, then I shrugged and smiled again, "...and then again, maybe 
not."  Throwing my arms up in the air.

"Your bleeding." I heard Debbie say and point to Carrie's lower lip just before 
I was out of ear shot range. That was kind of the icing on the cake, aren't I a 
stinker! To enjoy such things. Sharon was standing, waiting and ready to go as I 
walked over to her, I watched her nervously glance up at the dark clouds and 
then over to our parked car way off in the distance.

"Hurry up!" She yelled at me, doing an impatient bounce on her toes. Well, I 
just smiled and finally made my way over to her but I took my time because I 
know it annoys the hell out of her. Impulsively Sharon began to briskly brush 
the dirt from my face, I felt her fingers brush against my cheek 
and forehead, "That was awesome, you were awesome." Sharon told me in a low, 
soft voice. Without realizing it I had closed my eyes to take a deep breath and 
then opened them when it felt that Sharon was done cleaning me up. 

"You looked hot out there!" Sharon suddenly said, kissing me on the lips while 
smiling. 

I just blushed and gasped a little, tilting my head back quickly to break the 
kiss, "Sharon! What in tha..." I just stammered, great here we go again, and I 
thought it was just a one time drunken act on her part when she made a pass at 
me the other night.

"You drive me crazy!" And her hands grabbed my shoulder and we started walking 
to the car before the rain could drench us.

"Sharon get a grip!" I protested, "You're my friend, my straight as an arrow 
friend!" and I just rubbed my temples as I felt a headache coming on. I knew 
what I needed, I needed to go and workout at the gym, I always think more 
clearly when working out and exercising.

When we got to the Townhouse she starts in again as I begin walking up the 
stairs and I feel her fingers poking me in the ass while saying stuff like, 
"Damn, your ass is hard as a rock, not an ounce of fat anywhere. You have a 
nicer ass then mine! That pisses me off!"

"STOP IT!" I snap and swat her hands away from my butt. Gheesh, even if I don't 
have a boyfriend, I now have Sharon groping my ass!? What the hell is going on 
around here!?

There is no deep mystery to explain here, this is how Sharon is around me, very 
flirty and affectionate, more so when she doesn't have a boyfriend to shower 
with attention. I initially caused me some grief and concern, but I figured out 
that is just who she is with me, although she's not that way around her other 
friends. I think she just likes to push my buttons.

Yet I did have to keep my guard up, because I knew that if I returned her 
affections she would jump me in a heart beat, well that and she told me point 
blank that I am the only girl that she wants to go to bed with, but that's not 
going to happen.