My Story 41
By Corbin 
How life tests the endurance, patience, and sometimes faith of one young woman.

********** 
 
"God have mercy on the man who doubts what he's sure of." 
			-Bruce Springsteen 
 
******* 
 
I'm sitting on the lateral decline press, when some Korean kid (about 19) walks  
up and asks to work in with me (The fact he has a South Korean flag tattooed on  
his right shoulder helped me figure that out). OK, fine...I relent and nod my  
head 'yes', he seems pleased as punch that I agree. So I do my set and stand up  
trying to kill time by playing with my iPod mini, that's when I get a light tap  
on the shoulder from some other guy asking if I'll spot him on the bench press.  
OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!! 
 
This is turning into a nightmare, but then again, that's usually the way it  
happens. 
 
Okay so now I'm doing my sets, in-between I'm helping spot this guy and now  
everyone is trying to start up a conversation with me. I can't workout like  
this, I have to concentrate and so I'm looking for a way out, which I find. A  
moment arrives when everyone is distracted and I slip out of the weight room,  
walking past this guy who is giving me evil glares because he asked me just the  
other day; "Is it true, you won't date guys with tattoos?" 
 
To which I told him straight up (as I tell everyone) 'DAMN STRAIGHT! I think  
tattoos are vulgar displays of insecurity.'  
 
That response of mine caused him to launch into a verbal barrage of insults back  
at me (Calling me ignorant, judgmental, arrogant....etc....). At that point I  
never argue, I just shrug, turn around and walk away. Reactions like that just  
validate my point. 
 
**********

My father is the Service Manager for a Motorcycle / ATV / Watercraft (little boy 
adrenaline junky) Store. 

While in High School (and some in College) I spent some time working behind the 
Parts Counter to earn a few extra bucks. Beats the hell out of retail, and 
department stores...or so I thought. I was hoping it would be easy 
street and I could get allot spare reading/studying time in, but that was rarely 
the case.

Guys were always in there, packs of them, something I used to poke fun of. I'd 
be sitting at my terminal, reading a textbook when I would look up and there 
would be like six or seven guys standing there from my school, or just from the 
area. That always killed me, there are like two or three other part reps behind 
the counter, why come bug me? Yeah...yeah...I know why...I'm just bitching as 
usual.

"You guys always travel in packs?" I would smirk and close my book.

"You been riding this summer Corbin?" I would always get asked. You see, my 
father had bought me a 2002 Kawi KX125, but I rarely rode it. It was fun the 
first summer but just not my thing. I would just shake my head 'no'.

I never did girly stuff (mainly because I don't usually pal around in large 
packs of girls), and I kind of avoided the ultra feminine route with the jobs I 
took and the sports I played. These choices always put me in frequent contact 
with 'Cool' guys in the area, who were always involved in the 'cool' sports and 
activities, like motor cross, watercraft and other outdoor activities.

The hilarious thing was this, most of these guys were rugged, athletic, good 
looking and pursued by most of my female peers. Yet, here they were, always 
coming into store to buy stuff for their ski's, bikes, ATV's...you name it. All 
I had to do is sit at my station and they came swarming around. That made me 
real popular with the other girls (NOT!). 

I bet some of you gentle readers are fairly bright...so here is a pop-quiz:
After I am done helping some guy and I ask "Is there anything else I can get for 
you?", What response am I likely to get;
a.) 'Just your phone number'
b.) 'A date would be nice'
c.) 'Dinner and a movie'

If you picked any of the above you got the answer right. See, that's wasn't so 
hard, I hope it didn't overtax your brains. :-)

Young...old....you name it, but the older guys were much bolder with asking me 
out.

One mouthy brunette girl came tagging along with her boyfriend and a few of his 
friends one day. She's cutting me these looks all the while I am sitting there 
looking up parts for the guys until some guys start asking me to go riding that 
weekend, when I decline Ms. Mouth speaks up; "I guess blondes don't really have 
more fun."

"Actually..." I say, while still typing, "...Blondes ARE more fun. That's why 
your boyfriend and his buddies always come asking me to hang out with them." A 
few muffled laughs later and she is fit to be tied.

"Dream on you muscle head jock. At least I got a boyfriend." Well, now her 
boyfriend is asking her to cool-it. I stand up to get the receipt that is 
getting spit out from the printer behind me and new she gets a good look at my 
height and build. She must be 5' 2" max, so my 5' 11" frame kind of towers over 
her, and she's getting a bit more quiet. I hand the receipt to the guy on my 
right as I smile, thanking him for the purchase.

I look at the girl, while giving my best customer service smile, "We'll there be 
anything else." She just gives me this eat shit look, but I can tell she's 
biting her tongue. I brace my hands against the counter top making sure they get 
a good look at the muscles running up the length of my arms. I normally despise 
showing off, but now seemed like a good time.   

I was biting my tongue real hard because I didn't want to get fired by my Dad of 
all people.

Maybe next time I'll tell about one of the first times I went riding, I was 
getting the hang of things on some pretty rough terrain and ended up beating 
the crap out of some guy because he was razzing my riding skills in front of 
everyone, which I can take...be he kept going and going and going and 
going.....I had him eating dirt after I got done with him. 

**********

I tried to distract myself by standing next to the sofa end-table, casually 
flipping thru a magazine. I then turned around and sure enough Sharon was 
standing there smiling at me, like she knew I would eventually turn around or 
something. We kind of just stood there awkwardly as I paced around in a random 
circles, why I don't know. Sharon on the other hand seemed totally calm, simply 
standing in the middle of the room with her hands clasped in front of her, again 
all very calm.

"Did you have a good time?"

"Nope." I quipped and plucked at my shorts, shoving my hands into my pockets and 
then pulling them out again. 

"You lie." She smiled at me. "Again, sorry about tonight." She stepped in 
and grabbed me by the shoulder and tugged. "Maybe it was just the speed of the 
songs, perhaps you would have danced if it was something slower." Sharon 
stepped in closer and was right up against me, her left hand touched on my right 
hip. I continued to play dumb at this point until I realized that Sharon was 
trying to get me to dance with her, by this time my heart was pounding so hard I 
couldn't hear the music any longer. I did protest at first as she pulled me to 
the middle of the room, just because a part of me was still angry with her and I 
do love giving her a hard time. Sharon kept swaying her hips hoping I would join 
in and something in me relented as I turned my head around, I was just so tired 
and emotionally drained from everything. Sharon had this way about her that 
could ease my stress, it must be her upbeat outlook on life in general.

Anyway, I started to follow Sharon's lead as our bodies swayed to the song, 
which I don't recall the name of, my mind was way to stormy to recall that 
particular detail. I was trying to go into 'casual' mode, thinking about all the 
times Sharon and I have danced before when out at parties and clubs, that this 
was just the same old thing, no big deal. 

"You cold?" Sharon asked.

"No, why?" A little surprised that Sharon asked me that.

"Your just shaking a bit. Just relax." She sighed. Just relax? I wanted to run 
to the bathroom and puke my guts out I was so nervous and scared and I didn't 
even know why, actually yes I did, I was just suppressing a sneaky suspicions I 
had. Anyway I forced myself to take a few deep breaths and let my fingers 
glide over Sharon's shoulders and arms as we began to sway back and forth, our 
bodies finally settling into a slow rhythm until our eyes found one another. My 
mind started to drift, I wondered what Nikki was doing and what it would feel 
like to have her close to me now, I think my hands even pulled Sharon closer as 
my mind drifted and wondered. 

I felt Sharon bend her left knee and slid her leg forward, prodding my 
thighs apart, I relaxed and let her knee push in-between my legs. We were just 
kind of holding one another at this point and moving with our cheeks touching 
one another. Sharon would whisper something nice and complimentary, I would 
thank her and just kept wondering if I was about to wake from this steamy dream. 
The music never seemed to stop, I recall a low sensual voice singing in the 
background and I could feel Sharon's fingers tracing the outline of my bra strap 
thru my shirt, following it's lines down over my shoulders to where it clasped 
in the back. Later, I realized my fingers had done they're own navigating, up 
and down Sharon's back.

"This is nice." I said could feel that electricity flow from 
the ground up, that energy that rises up in your body when you're about to 
engage in something new and exciting. With our heads pulled back a little, I 
could see that the front of our bodies were totally pressed against one 
another.

"I don't know if I've ever told you this, but I've always been jealous of 
you." Sharon suddenly whispered.

"What?" I almost froze, well I did for a second because this news was a shocker, 
and why is she telling me this now?

"Yep, the way you seem to effortlessly be comfortable in your own skin, how 
beautiful you look without ever having to work at it, how guys and girls just 
gravitate...."

"Oh god stop...stop Sharon." I pleaded, it was getting nauseating to hear this. 
I did appreciate all the compliments, but felt she was going over the top. I 
felt her hands slip around my waist and her fingers lock at the base of my back, 
pulling our stomachs in tighter.

Another song went by and we danced quietly until she pressed her lips 
against my cheek and kissed me. 'Uh oh! Here we go' I thought and suddenly 
froze, my heart filled with fear, like a runaway elevator that was now 
plummeting out of control into the depths of despair. This was it and I knew 
what was coming and decided to let it wash over me in a series of slow 
movements, I could smell the sweet perfume radiating off Sharon's still sweaty 
skin as stray strands of damp hair would graze and cling to my own cheek. I 
think we were both gasping a little, because the rush of excitement was 
something I seldom had ever experienced (except with Nikki and my brain seemed 
to want Sharon to become Nikki just for this one moment). I started kissing on 
Sharon's neck and she on mine, it was a delightful experience as the momentum 
carried over to our hands that sensually and carefully explored each other, 
covering hips, back and arms. As if on command we tilted their heads and leaned 
in until our foreheads pressed against one another, the tips of our noses rubbed 
and I just kept my eyes closed.

I felt so overpowered by the moment, my lower privates throbbed and butterflies 
made my tummy tremble as I cracked an eyelid to watch Sharon moisten her lips 
with her tongue. Sharon never asked, she just went for it, her soft lips lightly 
grazed mine and I was suddenly brushing my mouth upward as my lower lip briefly 
caught on Sharon's upper and she leaned in, maybe not even a quarter of an inch 
and our soft, fleshy, lips pressed. In unison we both pressed in, it was very 
intense, but at the same time it was absolutely terrifying to be so emotionally 
vulnerable with someone I had always thought of as just a very close friend. 

As if on queue we suddenly pulled away from one another, gasping, my mind was 
spinning, I mean what the hell I'm standing here kissing Sharon? Did she know 
what she was doing? I made every effort to look into her eyes and read her 
emotions and intentions, there was no doubt or confusion on her part and she 
moved in once again. This was my first reality check at just how aggressive 
Sharon really could be, it was like she was trying to devour my lips when she 
came in for a real kiss, her tongue whipped around inside of my mouth and I let 
her! But she was also gentle and soft at times, caressing away the tears from my 
face, wait was I crying? I must be. But I discovered that Sharon liked to kiss 
'rough', rubbing, sucking and nibbling on my lips.

Trust me, several times I was thinking: What am I doing, kissing my good friend 
like this and the things she would say...when Nikki and I made out, it was 
normally quiet, with only soft loving words, but Sharon started  saying things 
like; "Oh baby you are so fucking hot.", "You're the only girl I've ever 
fantasized about." "I love your hot ass!" 

The intensity of the kiss simply seemed to grow and soon it was just a long 
string of moans and grunts as our lips and tongues wrestled aggressively 
against one another. "Kiss me, keeping kissing me, please", Sharon kept moaning 
as she lunged her mouth after mine, I just about had an orgasm when Sharon 
sucked on my tongue for several seconds, I mean what the heck is going on! 

Fear, panic, hopelessness started crashing in on the moment, and my trembling 
that initially started as lust soon turned to anger as I soon realized that this 
cannot continue. 'You can't do this' my mind and body was now shifting and 
focusing because this isn't where I want to be, and I didn't know what Sharon's 
real intentions were. Like I have always said, I take kissing very seriously.

My two strong hands came up, a palm coming to rest on each of Sharon's cheeks as 
I slowly tilted my head away, breaking off the kiss.

"That was wonderful Sharon, but slow down." My words carried more then 
just common sense, there was a focus taking place mentally and emotionally, I 
knew where my heart belonged.

"Corbin?" Sharon's voice came out trembling, her hands now cupping my cheeks in 
return, "I..." she paused and I was eager to hear what was to come next. "...I" 
she quickly buried her face into my neck and hugged me, "I'm sorry." she sighed.

What about me? So what should I be? Mad, confused, irritated, insulted, or maybe 
all of them? I actually wanted to know what Sharon was thinking before jumping 
to any conclusions, after all, I did let the kiss continue for a bit so I 
participated as well. I also had to be honest, I've always found Sharon 
attractive and had my own fantasies about kissing her, now that it has actually 
happened I can say that it was very wonderful, even sensual, but it didn't have 
the same electricity and lustful spark that Nikki and I have, and that fact is 
very important. 

"Was it nice?" Sharon suddenly asked and leaned away, we still had each other in 
a close embrace, it looked like Sharon had collected herself a little.

"Yes, it was very nice." I smiled and even blushed, "You've never been at a loss 
of words before Sharon, so tell me, what was were you thinking?"

"Thinking? I wasn't thinking silly!" Sharon blushed and smiled her big smile, 
that almost made me laugh and I really didn't want some heavy conversation to 
start, if this was some fleeting moment of lust on Sharon's part that I was fine 
with that.

"What?" I asked as soon as I realized that Sharon was studying me hard now, even 
in her slightly alcoholic induced state of awareness, she was thinking about 
something profound.

Her head slowly, barely even distinguishable, moved a little as if some reality 
was settling in.

"Tell me!" I said and flexed my arms a little, causing her torso to shake some.

"You really love that girl, don't you?" 

It wasn't even really a question, actually it was more like some self-awareness 
that Sharon was coming to terms with. I cracked a smile and was tempted to say 
'Yeah well DUH!', but I let my smile convey everything I had already verbalized 
a thousand times over. Sharon wasn't smiling so much now, maybe the reality that 
all of her scheming in College and trying to set me up on dates, and prodding to 
get me together with David were all for naught. 

"Can I kiss you some more?" Sharon asked with a smile and leaned in a little.

"What!" I leaned back, a bit surprised and nervously giggled, "Are you still 
drunk?"

"Not really, but you're the best kisser! Better then any guy I've ever kissed 
and my last two boyfriends were great kissers so that says allot." Sharon began 
to wiggle her body up close to me. 

I gotta get this girl off me, this is way to tempting, "Whoa, slow down 
girlfriend, we gotta stop. I enjoyed it, but let's put the brakes on this now." 
And I pushed her away, meanwhile she's grabbing at my ass and hips as I turn 
away to go into my room.

"Well damn!" She huffed and strutted down the hall toward her room, kind of 
singing to herself a little.

Great, I hope this was a one time thing and she doesn't start chasing me down 
all the time, that's all I need. I flopped down on my bed and got a little 
irritated, why can't Nikki be so persistent!

**********

As painful as it was, Nikki and I went about our normal lives while apart, err 
separated, broken up? Hell I don't know what you want to call it. Doesn't that 
sound bizarre? Because what is normal? Living your life according to how you 
think other people will approve? 

Nikki rarely dated any guys during our time apart and I was starting to keep 
Robert at arms length, but after all he WAS still my boyfriend at that time and 
I enjoyed his company and deeply cared for him.

So I admit, I take things for granted, like it's damn hard for a guy to control  
his sexual urges. You see some nights I would sleep over Robert's apartment and 
yet I kept slamming the brakes on (just I like I used to do with Dale). In the 
back of my mind I knew what was coming, the same train wreck that sent Dale and 
I off the track and into a big breakup, his urges began to override his logic. I 
probably should have learned my lesson, but no, not me. (Besides, between 
shuttling to work, the gym, seeing Nikki and dating Robert I knew the crap was 
going to hit the fan sooner or later.) 
 
I was 22 at this time, continuing to get physically harder all the time and this 
was pure hell on Robert. I was very prudish around Robert, rarely sleeping over 
his apartment, and I always wore some kind tee shirt and shorts to bed, but that 
alone was driving him insane with lust it seemed, and it probably wasn't the 
best idea to let him sleep in the nude next to me, constantly feeling his 
erection bumping up against me. But I loved his soft caresses, which I found 
very soothing, and I still felt our whole relationship had an innocent quality 
about it. Innocent that is until he blew me away with a suggestion one night as 
we lay in bed; I was lying on my left side while Robert was hugging me from 
behind, as usual I could feel his penis pressing hard against my butt. Why he 
would torture himself by coming to bed without any clothes on baffled me, but in 
any case his right hand had a nice grip on my right butt cheek when I heard him 
ask, "Maybe we could try something different?" 
 
"What? Like what?" I initially had no clue what he was going after, he knew sex 
was out of the question, I guess had come up with another argument about how 
oral sex doesn't really count as sex.

"Not oral sex, or regular sex." He said, "But try..." his words trailed off as 
he squeezed my ass.

I took a deep breath and privately counted to ten so that I didn't blow up. What 
is it with you guys wanting to stick your dick back there? Sharon told me that 
her boyfriend Kevin in College, and Paul recently, all tried the butt sex route, 
she flat out rejected them of course.

"No Robert." I sighed. 
 
"We...I mean, I'd be careful." He sat up a little.  
 
Well, I have to be blunt with him now, so I also prop myself up on my left elbow  
and flip some blonde hair out of my eyes, I roll over toward him, "No sex 
Robert." 
 
"But it's not the same." He protested. 
 
"Then how about this, NO penetration of any kind." I got more firm. 

"Okay...okay." He moaned and flopped back onto the bed, the sheets were now a 
bit disheveled and his body lay mostly uncovered, and he made no attempt at 
covering up his erection. I can't believe it, I felt pretty bad for him, he 
seemed to be in a constant state of suffering around me. My left hand began to 
rub his stomach until I seemed to instinctively grip his penis, it was hot and 
twitched in my hand. He moaned again and closed his eyes as I would gently 
squeeze then release, then squeeze again.

"Would you at least rub on me?" He seemed to beg more than ask, I just smiled 
down at him and that alone gave him the answer.

But then I paused and took a deep breath as I contemplated doing something, 
something I had never done to a man before. I didn't want to analyze things 
right now, otherwise I would be sitting her all night and get nothing 
accomplished. "I'll go down on you if you promise to tell me before you cum?"

"Oh god yes." He sighed and I swear I thought he was about to cry. I really did 
love Robert, he was such a sweet caring guy, not in-love with him mind you, but 
I did love him toward the end of our relationship, how strange is that? I was 
actually getting very turned on at the moment, I knew that Sharon had given oral 
sex to all of her boyfriends and so had Nikki, well actually to clarify, Nik 
just Rob back in College oral, and they had gone ALL the way, but none before 
him. Nik was a bit prudish with the guys, like me, seemed were saving up all our 
sex drive for one another :).

So I just made this up as I went along and how he responded to my touch, I used 
my tongue and took as much into my mouth as I cared too, while trying not to 
scrap my teeth over his head or shaft. The boy was in heaven, and I was getting 
off on the control I seemed to have over him, his whole body seemed to quiver 
and shake depending on what I did. He started to arch his back and pant allot 
faster now, so I thought I better remind him, "You better tell me *when* or 
you'll be sorry." And I put my lips back on the crown of his penis while moving 
my right hand down to gently squeeze his balls, and that's when...

"IM CUMING!" He called out and in a flash my head was out of the way, my left 
hand continued moving up and down and I had never seen him cum so much. He 
easily shot all the way up onto his chest again and again.

"Oh my god, thank you." He just kept thanking me along with a long string of 
curse words.

"Now go clean yourself up." I ordered and pointed to the bathroom, I rolled over 
and pulled the covers up so I could sleep now. Like I was going to get some 
tissues and clean the guy up, please! Not going to happen.
 
[On a side rant. Let me just say that I have never, and will never try anal  
sex. THAT IS THE EXIT DOOR PEOPLE!! What is wrong with all of you guys! All of  
my plumbing works perfect back there, you think I want to screw that up? You 
can't get in my front door so you try the back door...gheesh. I bet I could 
punch a hole in the wall and you'd be  happy to stick your penis in it.]  
 
Even after that warning, Robert still had this preoccupation with my butt, which 
I guess is fine, I have a sexy ass, or so I'm told, so if he wanted to admire 
it, touch it (in private not public) go right ahead. Anyway, things settled back 
down, and I went ahead and became more conservative around Robert just to settle 
him down. Things seemed calm all right...nice, no pressure from him on anything 
for awhile, I also was very skimpy on giving him oral sex, in fact he only got 
it one more time after that. 
 
All seemed perfect...too perfect. 

********** 

Like I have always said, Robert is very perceptive and smart, or maybe it was 
just foolish of me to think he would never wise up to the fact that Nikki and I 
would periodically go out on a date. Err, well I don't know if I would call it 
dating. Nikki and I would go kick the soccer ball around at the park, go 
jogging, catch a movie and buddy around, we had put allot of our mutual lusting 
for one another on the back burner and tried to settle into hanging out as 
friends. She was and still is, my very best friend, although we avoided one 
topic in particular, which is dating guys, Robert in particular. We did both get 
many a laugh out of recounting tales of girls hitting on us for dates, I don't 
know if we had both started putting out some kind of weird vibe after we fell 
for one another back in College, but ever since then, gay women would home in on 
us frequently.

I had left work to go and meet Nikki at her apartment for lunch, I was all 
smiles when I left her place and was about to unlock my car door when it all 
unraveled before my very eyes. I thought I was seeing things then my stomach got 
that sick tight feeling as I saw Robert's car pull up in front of Nikki's 
apartment complex. I did several double takes to make sure it was him, yep it 
was, DAMN!

My first thought was to scold myself, 'You big dummy, why did you ever tell 
Robert about Nikki!' well my mind answered itself, 'Because you TRY to be 
honest about everything!' And this is what it got me, a bucket load of grief. 
'Is this some kind of sick joke?' I also thought, fate stepping in and forcing a 
hand to be played out. Anyway, I tried reading Robert's expression he looked a 
mess, more so emotionally as he stepped out of the car and walked towards me, 
not even shutting off the engine or the car door. He almost had tears in his 
eyes as he approached, which choked me up terribly, I kept telling myself 'Keep 
it together.'  

"What the hell is going on Corbin?" He said, looking at me then glancing around 
as if to see if anyone else was there.

"Robert please, let's go back to your place and talk." I walked over to him and 
touched his arms.

"No Corbin! Tell me, were you here seeing a guy? What's going on?" Now the tears 
were coming and he had that sick, pale look on his face.

"It's not that at all." By now I was feeling close to tears myself because I 
didn't want things to end like this, so I had to steady myself, "There 
is no guy." I said sternly and clenched my jaws. He had an initial look of 
confusion after all he had no idea this was Nikki's apartment and of course his 
first instinct what that I was seeing another guy.

"Look..." But I was interrupted as I suddenly noticed his line of sight changed, 
I turned and saw Nikki standing on the steps a few yards away. Well, this is 
just getting better by the minute because Robert has met Nik before so his brain 
immediately processed what was going on.

She stood there looking concerned for me, as well as Robert.

"What is going on? I deserve the truth!"

"Nothing!"

"BULLSHIT!"

And back and forth it went until I basically snapped.

"Shut up!" and I get in Robert's face and literally push him aside, causing him 
to stumble back.

"What?" Robert gasped in shock. 

I just point to his car, "I swear Robert you better move your ass, 
your car is blocking mine and if you don't move it I will, and I'll put the damn 
thing in the nearest ditch when I do!" I must have lost my mind.

Well he's walking to his car now, saying things like "I can't believe your 
doing this!"

I run up the sidewalk to where Nikki is standing, she has the totally stunned 
look on her face, "I'm sorry, Robert must have followed me or something."

"Or something." Nikki says lowering her face with a look of suspicion.

"What the hell does that mean?" I ask, blown away that I have some ulterior 
motive here.

"Nothing, just go take care of Robert." She sighs and turns away to walk back 
into her apartment. I was stunned and a little pissed as I watched her sprint 
back up the stairs. So now I'm about to get in my car and realize I need to calm 
him down, and so I wave him down before he pulls away. He's practically sobbing 
as I kneel down next to his window and reach in to stroke his head and neck, 
"Robert, shhh, it's okay, just calm down okay. I'll follow you to your place 
all-right?"

He's better, but still pretty upset and I can understand as I get in my car and 
close my eyes, I need to relax a little, I can't get into traffic all cranked up 
like this. This is just great, I've thrown an emotional wrecking ball straight 
into Robert's path, lord what a mess. I even thought about going to the gym, 
because with so much anger I bet it would be good to utilize that energy by 
lifting some weights. Anyway, we get to Robert's and he's in better shape, he's 
angry now and he keeps repeating, "Just tell me the truth, what's going on." 
Well, angry or not I'm calling the shots now so I tell him to take a seat and 
shut up. I try to keep my cool and sit down on the sofa with him, taking his 
hands into mine, softly stroking his forearm.

"Robert, listen to me, I told you from the beginning that Nikki was an important 
part of my life." That really didn't help things, because back and forth the 
conversation goes, he teeters between wanting to believe me and still trying to 
dig...beg...pry for any missing pieces, like was I just stringing him along 
while I put things back together with Nik? Finally, after about a half-hour I'm 
fed up and stand (especially when he started to question my sexual orientation 
and how he didn't understand how I could be attracted to men and women, hell I 
don't fully understand it myself,  all I know is that I fall in love with people 
and if it's a women that's meant to be my life long partner, then so be it.) 
Anyway I'm not getting out of there so easy, he's grabbing for my hands and 
pleading with me to stay and that's when I finally say what really needed to be 
said all along...that phrase that nobody wants to here;

"Robert, we need a break!" and I jerk my hand away from his and head to the 
door. 

Oh brother, he's really upset now and tugging at my arm...my shirt...I mean, he 
really wasn't being THAT pathetic, he just wanted to talk and was trying to keep 
himself somewhat together, trying to keep *us* together, but who can blame him, 
in a matter of minutes our entire relationship just went 'bye-bye' or at least 
it seemed that way.

I get out the door and I'm now flipping open my cell phone and dialing Nikki 
while walking to my car, I figure I've got one more firing squad to face and 
here goes...

She's concerned but quiet and that tells me one thing, she's pissed...I mean 
really pissed. I'm actually feeling exhausted as I head back to work but 
for some reason I am overcome with incredible relief, which is odd because 
I've just walked away from a serious relationship. Knowing how I am, once things 
get 'out of sorts', I just want to move on and in a matter of hours my 
relationship with Robert was over. 

After work I'm driving back to Nikki's apartment, I'm a little pissed now 
because my workout schedule will be affected, I am very routine oriented you see 
:). I see Nikki already out in front of her complex and she looks relieved to 
see me, but still pissed, she has that 'quiet' pissed look, that's how she is, 
unlike Sharon who will begin flapping her arms and jumping around in circles 
while screaming. Nik comes down the steps and greets me with a warm, tight hug, 
'Ah, that's better.' I think, but know that the worst of it is not over.

"Corbin, you need to go home and rest." Nikki says and strokes my neck and back.

"You know Nik, you knew I was seeing Robert, and you know how crazy 
relationships get." I said in defense.

"You told me it was over." Nikki leaned into me, a flash of anger erupting. I 
knew she hated the fact I had started dating Robert while we were romantically 
apart.

"It is, I just ended it, but I didn't want it to end like that!" I flung my 
hands out to my side. To my surprise Nikki just turned away, wrapped her hands 
around the front of her and lowered her head before heading back inside, leaving 
me standing there in disbelief.

"You started this! You wanted to have this break!" I snapped and felt my lower 
lip tremble as I was now wiping the tears from my cheeks. But she never looked 
back, she kept on walking away and back up to her apartment and then sprinted up 
the stairs, I caught a faint glimpse of her right hand brushing away at her face 
and I knew she was crying as well.

"Well that's just fucking great!" I sigh and wave my arms out to my side and 
walk to my car.

Lord have mercy, living alone on a desert island is looking better and better.

**********

When I got back to my townhouse Sharon was there and was the wonderful friend I 
had come to know over the years. What she did next I did not deserve, or at 
least I thought I didn't deserve; She drew a bath for me, washing my hair and 
massaging my neck. I mean, I guess I looked pretty down in the dumps, but here I 
was being pampered and cared for. Meanwhile Robert sat back at his apartment 
feeling 'dumped'. I was more prepared then he was, I had been formulating my 
exit for weeks, psychologically getting ready to 'bail' if the 
shit hit the fan, while he was totally...utterly...blindsided.

And what kind of support network do you guys have? The usual guy's coming 
around, taking them out and feeding them the 'standard routine' of:
"Yeah man, girl's aren't worth it."
"You're better off without her."
"You need a girlfriend who won't hold out on you, she's was just a tease 
anyway."

I'm just assuming the worst, Robert has some good friends and not all would 
fall in line with that kind of rhetoric, but I know when they went out drinking 
I was probably getting bashed pretty hard.

But anyway, as I sat soaking in that tub with Sharon gently messaging the warm 
sponge over my shoulders, Sharon really tried to do her best with some advice, 
"Corbin, don't be so hard on yourself." 

"I should have done the right thing, I should have stopped seeing Robert 
first. I should have at least had the courtesy to do that out of respect for 
what we have."

I really didn't expect what happened next, Sharon had scooted up next to me and 
leaned over the edge of the tub, placing a kiss on my left cheek. "You're a good 
person, don't be so hard on yourself." Sharon whispered into my ear.

**********

After that little bit of drama I had some sorting out to do and knew that I was 
still going to be in and out of touch with Robert in the days to come.

But honestly, the following days were hell (days for me, weeks for Robert), and 
I made them hellish (on me) on purpose. You see Robert pursued me almost daily, 
seeking reconciliation by calling, sending me long emails, even hand written 
letters in this techno age, and of course flowers. Spilling out his heart and 
love to me and I forced myself to read every painful word as a way of finding 
out if there were any feelings still there, anything that might draw me back to 
him. 

Nope...none, case closed.

It became all crystal clear now, or again I should say, Nikki always was several 
steps ahead of me maturity wise. She knew there would be fallout from my 
breakup with Robert, and pushed us apart just a little until it began to 
subside, I on the other hand wanted to jump right into something hot and heavy 
with Nikki thinking we both needed to seize the moment!

Robert eventually started dating someone else and ironically she was a girl in 
town who could not stand me (goes back to my college days), she was my exact 
opposite in many ways. Very, very, VERY feminine, hated to workout, but had a 
good body, and was giving Robert any kind of sex his imagination could contrive. 

Then David came back around after he heard Robert and I parted ways. David was 
still a friend and that's how I viewed him, so I flat out rejected his appeals 
for dating which put him into a funk, but tough shit, that's the knocks of the 
dating world. 

I kind of woke up and went to bed every day just a little down and kept more to 
myself during that time. I just couldn't spring out of bed in a good mood 
knowing the hell Robert was going thru, after all he was my boyfriend, and I his 
girlfriend. His daily/weekly life revolved around our relationship; Movies we 
planned on seeing, going out to dinner, planning vacations, calling each other 
up at the end of a long day to talk and make plans.

All gone...suddenly...and without warning. 

The nights and weekends were particularly hard on him, the tears he would cry 
when I tried to console him at times were gut wrenching. We had friends that 
moved in similar circles so it was very hard and awkward on both of us, 
particularly when guys started hinting at asking me out while he was still 
trying to get over me.

Over the years (and a number of women can relate to this) I've had more then my 
share of stalkers. Maybe 'stalker' is a bit harsh, but when I go on a few dates 
with a guy, and then suddenly, they are showing up at the gym, hanging around 
the places I would go, like keeping tabs on me you could call it. College was 
the worst, kind of confined to certain areas so you were always bound to run 
into someone. 

I've BREIFLY dated guys that would interrogate me with junk like:
"Why were you late to gym?"
"Where were you?"
"You said you would be here at such-and-such time!"
"Where are you going tonight?"
"Who was that guy your were talking to?"
"Why didn't you come to the gym today?"
"I tried calling you on your cell phone but it was turned off!"
"A friend saw you at this place when you said you were going somewhere else!"

Just to name a few. If YOU have asked any those questions, seek some counseling! 
Well, that's harsh, sometimes it is just concern.

It's just not a good idea to do that with me, it's a sure fire way to get your 
ass kicked, hung up on, or some other way of letting you know, NEVER BOTHER ME 
AGAIN!

Well, I didn't mean for this to turn into a sad, long story (violins playing in 
the background) kind of rant. 

But life isn't always sunshine and carefree.

Or maybe I can be so damn impatient. :)