High School 04 By Corbin How life tests the endurance, patience, and sometimes faith of one young woman. ********** "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member." Groucho Marx ********** You smell that? That's smoke coming out of my ears...I'm brain fried this morning. I have no idea how my fingers are even typing....or where these words are even coming from...I'm rambling...drifting...I need some coffee...that bed is looking good again...I'm going to be late for work... *YAWN* Well, wasn't that an exciting introduction...if I think of something wonderful I'll come back and write something... ********** It was an awkward, unnerving couple of days that followed. Simply talking in the hall together was a test in anxiety and stress, more so for me as my friends typically consisted of outcasts and former-friends of Sharon's. Each warning me relentlessly that 'I' was going to be Sharon's next ex-friend and better to sever ties with the Cheerleading captain now, before finding out painfully later. Yet I never saw any of those warnings manifest in the way Sharon treated me. But with so many people telling me otherwise, to in essence 'watch my back', I couldn't help but keep my guard up at times...'just in case' I would tell myself. But not everyone was willing to let things slide, no matter how much time went by, I should have known...heck, maybe I did know that something was brewing between me and Taylor. Now I don't believe in being able to predict the future but I was doing a fine job of being able to mentally picture everything that was going to happen that afternoon, before it happened. I also suppose you might say that subconsciously I wanted this to happen and now I have to use that word 'fate' again, because I knew that having Taylor and me in the same room together...alone, was a bad thing...like right now! Damn, and I was so close to the end of school year to... I had hoped that because our lockers were on opposite sides of the row, and about ten feet down from one another, that I could just change and get the hell out of there. So I quickly crossed my arms in front, gripping the bottom of my sweat soaked t-shirt and in one fluid motion peeled it from my body, leaving just my sports bra and running shorts still intact. Performing a slight weight shift onto my right leg, I raised my arms above my head and clasped my left wrist with my right hand before leaning far to the left and then to my right, stretching and pulling my sore, tight lat muscles. Dropping my arms I slowly rolled my head back and forth trying to work out some of the tension from a physically and mentally exhausting two weeks. Yeah I know, I'm dragging my feet now, but I have to stretch...and even though I need to get a move on and get home I really didn't feel like rushing just for Taylor's sake. All the crap I have had to listen to, even my own teammates have been merciless with the questions and comments. At least most of them haven't stopped talking to me, a slight consolation to an overall miserable past few days, and sadly I knew they would never warm up to the idea of me hanging out with Sharon or vice versa. Ironically though, the first time Sharon invited me to attend a party at Rachel's house everyone seemed really nice, most likely because I was never one of their biggest critics. Ahh...DAMN! Here we go. I now catch Taylor glancing over at me and sense something bad is going to come out of her big mouth. Shit...must move faster...skip the showers...go straight home. Another uncomfortable feeling was creeping up on me, as mentioned earlier, Taylor was known for being openly gay and her eyeing me made me feel tad uncomfortable. From the corner of my left eye I caught her hands almost rip her shirt off, tossing it to the ground, now I'm back to picking up this hostile aura from her again...'Maybe she can't decide if she has the hots for me or wants to try and kick my ass?' Probably both I guess. Physically, there were some pretty major distinctions between our body types, I had that toned, almost muscular physique with almost no body fat while Taylor's own muscular, stocky build was wrapped in a layer of body fat, not allot, but enough to soften her look. I guess she enjoyed eating fast food too much to give it up in the pursuit of that 'ripped' look. Now, indirectly Taylor had been waging a war of words with various classmates against me and Sharon, saying crap like; 'How could she befriend that snotty, fucking, bitch!', 'They now hang around each other all the damn time and to make matters worse most of the girls on the Cheer squad now accepts her as an equal!', 'Pretty soon, she will start to act just like one of them!' I really had tried to keep to myself and mind my business, but Taylor was starting to make allot of annoying racket...slamming her locker closed and then open again, throwing her clothes down on the bench and floor. I was sure it was an attempt to pluck my nerves, and it was working. 'Ohhh great!' I privately moaned when Janet suddenly came around the corner and opened up her locker, which was next to Taylor's, on her right. "Hey, that was a good practice game today, yeah?" Janet piped up and I was swept up with a moment of relief, thinking that Janet would be that needed distraction, a saving moment of grace. But FAT CHANCE! Taylor wasn't listening, "Yeah" I heard her mumble half-heartedly. I should have known, Taylor was always a little unstable and once her little mind capsized, her better judgment simply got drowned by the moment; "You know what Janet, too bad we didn't get to finish off Princess the other day." But I knew Janet to be a little more sensible and while she normally took Taylor's lead, I could tell she was backing down. Mostly I believe because of me, with nothing but my sports bra on I looked pretty mean and intimidating after a workout. "Uhhhhhh..." Janet stuttered, "Uhhhh, yeah, I know what you mean." but Janet's voice was shaking, not giving Taylor the resounding support she was looking for. As for me? Well, I could feel the blood flowing at a furious pace into my arteries, my ears were doing that pounding thing as I prayed; 'Please god, make her shut up, please.' I felt like I was being tested and my hands lowered to my side as I just stood paralyzed looking straight ahead into that dark locker. It was as if the dark void was calling me...that darker side of myself...nice parallel huh? "You know, she looked really cute in her..." came the last straw out of Taylor's mouth. THAT'S IT! My mind snapped and I slammed my locker shut, causing both Taylor and Janet to jump with shock. Still, I just stood there, facing my locker as my palm lay flat against the now closed door. Still decked out in my shorts and bra, I slowly, purposively stepped over that bench, I didn't even see the bench as my legs seemed to move of their own accord. My left leg found its footing...then my right as I now stood only feet away from my antagonist. With every move it seemed that my anguish intensified as blood continued to flood arteries, I didn't know if I was ready to cross 'that' line, a line I had never crossed before. But as I said before, it felt like I was stepping out of one 'skin' and into another, the old 'Corbin' was still standing back at the locker, calling me back and to ignore Taylor's taunts, 'Don't go!' my non- confrontational side cried out... ...but it was too late. I watched Taylor blink a couple of times with doubt as she stared at me, maybe a little surprised I was ready for this showdown. Indeed, I don't think she expected me to 'step up' so quickly and hesitated just long enough for me to speak; "Shut your mouth Taylor and take what you just said back." Well, not the most intimidating comment 'take it back' but I'm winging it here a little, I did lower my voice so as to conceal any nervousness. Wow, what a rush! My whole body felt alive, my chest was swelling...rising and falling like my very heart might explode, although I knew that wasn't likely, it was just unlike any other level of energy I've been able to achieve. But let me reiterate...I do NOT like fighting...but I am good at it :) The walls and everything around me started to fade away, leaving just me and Taylor, I didn't even see little Janet anymore. "Why don't you just MAKE me!" Taylor slammed her locker shut and turned to square up her shoulders. 'Nice try' is what I'm thinking, but I can tell she doesn't have it. Now why would I know that? I'm no mind reader but her eyes are darting all around while I just have this laser-like fixation on her face. She's trying hard, but there is a wave of doubt that keeps rippling up to the surface...all in the eyes and a few other nervous twitches in her body language. So now I take another step forward, "Why are you pushing me?" "Why are you hanging out with that bitch!" Taylor was almost yelling. 'Oh, let's ratchet it up to yelling now, that's always a good scare tactic' I think sarcastically to myself. Regardless, I could also tell that Taylor had backed herself into a corner with no way out...she couldn't loose face now. I suppose for a split second I thought about what the consequences might be, but I did *it* anyway, I reached out with both hands and shoved Taylor on her shoulders. She was flailing her arms next, her shoes slipping and down on her back she went, it all happened so fast that I was still coming to terms with the fact I had just pushed her down. She fought the fall every inch of the way, I guess I must have pushed allot harder then I intended, okay that's bullshit, I pushed her pretty hard because I wanted to. Janet's eyes were almost popping out of her skull as she looked a little panicked, trying to decide whether to run and get a teacher or to just run for cover, "Uhmmm...guys! Please!" Janet tried to weakly intervene. "You just have to keep pushing it too far, don't you?" My face became a little flushed now, it felt as if my heart was sucking all the blood right out of my legs and making them feel weak. The other visible sign of my despair was the obvious shaking in my hands, but my voice was still even and I tilted my head slightly forward, 'Maybe that will add a menacing look to my stare' I thought with some degree of humor. Taylor was already scrambling back to her feet and had a perplexed expression, like disbelief that she was just down on the floor, and I had put her there. I expected and got retaliation, Taylor came at me with a hard shove, causing my torso to twist in response. But it didn't force me to take a step back (Just a little tit-for-tat observation) mainly because I was ready for it. "What are you going to do? Nothing! So fuck you!" Taylor yelled and almost had tears coming out of her eyes as I guess her nerves were getting the best of her. So I'm at that pivotal decision making moment, does Taylor really want to fight? Or just have some shoving match? What a waist of time to even contemplate, 'Let's get this over with or I'll never hear the end of it.' 'You're in trouble now.' My mind warned, meaning that I was thinking about the 'NO FIGHTING' on school property rule and how I was about to tarnish my pristine academic and behavioral record at this School. And that 'old Corbin' was back at my locker, begging me to come to my senses, but I had *popped* my top and there was no trying to close the lid on my energy now. Besides, it happened so quickly, too quickly, as I dove in to tackle her to the ground, not so much the way a football player might tackle someone, but the way a wrestler on the guys wrestling team would take someone down. My powers of observation are pretty keen and I have always been good about being able to mimic people in sports. Taylor simply grunted upon the impact and I felt her body tense, trying to lean into my oncoming attack. "You fucking stupid bitch" I hissed as my eyes narrowed and glistened with a little of my own emotion (No I wasn't going to cry, but you know, emotions running high and all). I was surprised how sturdy Taylor felt and threw all my weight forward to try and knock her down, 'After that?' I had no idea, really didn't have a clue, being my first fight and all. A part of me was also praying that I didn't get my ass kicked too badly, regardless. My right hand grabbed the back of her left knee and pulled it up, that's all I needed and she was going back off balance again, I wanted to lift and slam her as I had seen the guys do, but an image of the back of Taylor's head hitting the tile floor was not a pretty sight. "Fuck" Taylor cursed, and I know she wasn't expecting me to be so strong and I'm sure no other girl had literally thrown her around like this. "Come on Taylor!" I heard Janet shout in support, now that pissed me off. "Ow bitch! My hair!" My voice was yelling, Taylor had just gone for the classic 'cat fight' hair pull technique, damn it hurt, she had gripped a big chunk of my hair on the back of my head. But that didn't stop us from hitting the floor hard, our bodies spilled out and somehow Janet managed to dislodge herself, kicking and pushing herself out of the flurry of activity. It back to just me and Taylor now, as we reattached to one another, this was a full blown fight and my heart and body was racing with adrenaline the likes I had never experienced, to my horror I was loving it. I scooted astride her prone body while trying to deflect the slaps and punches Taylor was throwing up at me. "Shit! Wait you guys! Stop!" Janet yelled, oh now she's yelling for us to stop, is that because I am on top, which is bad news for Janet's friend since from the bottom position Taylor didn't seem sure what to do next, her wiggles and movements were somewhat spastic and uncoordinated. Perhaps it was just a moment of desperation, maybe Taylor felt the fight wasn't going her way and so in a moment of opportunity, she tried pulling my hair again, but my left hand quickly slapped her right hand away and I managed to wrap my fingers with hers to try and control her arm. She resisted of course and Taylor is pretty strong, evident in our little quick test of strength, but I just growled and pinned Taylor's right arm over her head, well now, guess that answers which one of us is stronger. Taylor showed no restraint with fighting dirty as I felt her left hand try and grab one of my breasts, 'Oh no she didn't just try and do that!' My left hand let go of her pinned right arm and punched straight down into her gut, 'BINGO' direct hit, I sunk her battleship! :) She's coughing and her face looks all red as she gasps for air. "Hey, stop get off her!" I hear Janet yelling at me, I just ignore her. So now I was moving onto accomplishing my next task, inching up her body and planting my knees into this bitch's armpits. I then saw an opportunity and kept Taylor's arm pinned to the floor (no more pinching, boob grabbing, slapping or punching) while trying to pull my left knee up to try and sit astride the girl's waist. I have to admit, we were both getting a bit fatigued, and I couldn't be sure, but the layers of perspiration coming off her skin and heavy panting made me suspect that Taylor was almost out of gas, soon I hoped she would be saying "I give!" and the fight would be over so no one really gets hurt, especially me! 'There!' I thought as I felt secure on top of her, I guess my mouth wanted to step up and take part in the action as well; "You kept having to push it didn't you bitch!" I seethed, letting my own anger get the better of me. "Yeah I did, so fuck you!" Taylor was quick with her own response, "You brought this on yourself! Hanging out with those fucking snot-nosed cunts!" Taylor shouted up at me. "Give up!" I said, having her pinned to the ground. "Fuck YOU!" Taylor yelled and thrashed even harder, that pissed me off and I moved my left knee out, I didn't know why I did it, but it seemed at this particular moment I wasn't even the same person, all I wanted to do was inflict the most pain and subdue this girl. So I twisted my hips to the right, bringing my left knee back in towards the upper part of Taylor's ribs. Looking down I recall this gushing cry burst forth from her throat as Taylor's face scrunched up in horrible pain. 'Damn,' I thought, I didn't think I hit her that hard. But I wasn't taking any chances and reached down wrapping my right hand around Taylor's exposed throat, my fingers dug and curled into her slippery, sweaty skin effectively pinning her head to the ground. "Get off of her!" Janet yells at me again and I was surprised to feel her hands pulling at my shoulders, trying to get me off Taylor. This too pissed me off even more, and I turned my attention to the girl at my left, pulling on me, I gave Janet a firm shove as hard as I could and she went sprawling backwards, "Get the fuck off me or your next!" I've lost my mind, who is this crazy blonde girl beating up on two schoolmates, I no longer knew who I was, clich‚d but true. I look back down at Taylor, "Are we done?" I spoke in-between gasps, it was unbearably hot now with droplets of sweat falling down off my face 'fuck it's like a sauna in here or something.' "Done? This answer your question?" Taylor's right hand came up with not so much amazing speed as much as it simply caught me totally off guard. My left arm was unable to come up in time to try and deflect, which meant the slap connected fully upon my left cheek. I had never been slapped before and honestly it was like someone flashed a light bulb directly in my eyes followed by a few seconds of disorientation. Fucking Janet, she distracted me, I had let go of Taylor's arms and got rewarded for my mistake. Frantically I tried to blink away the tears and regain control of my senses and I wasn't sure how I did it, but I kept from getting rocked off of Taylor's bucking body. Had Taylor not been so exhausted, she just might have bucked me off, but she hadn't the strength to maintain the bridge long enough and her back collapsed back down to the floor. In any case, I wanted to hit her again, I mean really hit her, my upper body twisted as my right arm pull back and chambered, and thus I launched the first punch of my entire life; Yes it was poorly aimed, but it landed with terrible impact. I suppose the sweat, combined with Taylor's thrashing caused it to glance off the girl's left cheek and plow into the left side of her defenseless nose. "Oh my god!" Those were the very next words I heard and they were coming from Janet. I looked down and saw a smear of red blood beginning to emerge from Taylor's nose, amazing what the sight of blood can do and not just the sight of it, but Taylor suddenly panicked as well. There was nothing exciting about any of this as I leaned back, scooting off her in my own horror at the turn of events. Taylor had moved to quickly cup her face while I slumped back, I rested on her knees until I gathered my wits about me and slowly backed further away, giving the wounded girl room to sit up. I watched, there was some trembling in her fingers as she touched and pinched her nose upon initial inspection. 'Wow' I thought, the tears were really streaming down her face now as she lay slumped against the wall, trying to recover and get her bearings. Janet was quick and handed a towel to her friend, watching that white fabric quickly spot red about a minute later got me a little queasy in the stomach. The strangest thing was the silence that ensued as we all sat and waited. It hadn't even registered with me that I had thrown the punch, or that Taylor's bleeding nose was my doing. Slowly I managed to stand until the back of my legs felt the bench and sat my shaking body down, 'better to sit down then faint' I thought, or worse 'throw up' as my stomach turned at this unexpected sight of blood, my head swooned for a few seconds but a few deep breaths seemed to help. "Jesus Corbin!" Taylor finally spoke up, her voice clearly trembling with emotion and this look of bewilderment, like she couldn't believe that she was sitting on the floor holding a towel to her bleeding nose. She wouldn't look me in the eyes, maybe it was anger, or even embarrassment over what had just happened. I reached over with my left hand and subconsciously rubbed the fingers of my right, there was a slight stinging sensation that had started shooting up thru my hand, 'maybe it's just bruised' I hoped as I flexed my fingers. "Look Taylor, I think things got out of hand." I sighed, but then I remembered what started our brawl and looked back over and waited until Taylor looked up at me; "But don't act so surprised! What the hell did you expect!" I started in again and stood up on wobbly legs, my voice a little more threatening then before, and if felt good to vent. "And don't ever say anything about Sharon again, she's my friend." Wow! Just saying that aloud not only filled me with emotion, but pride as it felt like I was really standing up for something, it felt, well, empowering! I even think my composure became undone for a second as a tear spilled out and over my right cheek, "You got that?" I finally added, I guess wanting to make sure my point was clear, and mustered the hardest look I could. I watched Taylor pull the bloodstained towel from her nose and look at it, her left hand was still tenderly inspecting her nose, but then threw the towel down in disgust. "Yeah okay" she muttered, only briefly looking up at me. I wasn't sure what to say or do next and contemplated just turning about and leaving, but hesitated. 'I can't leave things like this', maybe deep down I wanted to try and salvage something out of this terrible turn of events. I wasn't a bully or a fighter and the better reserved part of my personality began to take control of my senses. I extended my right hand down and I guess feeling I was sincere she took the offer to help her up. Janet followed our lead, also getting to her feet, yet still remained the quiet spectator. Taylor simply groaned and made a painful facial expression as she acted protective of her side where I forcefully put my knee. But perhaps nothing was more unsettling then the physical comparison after the fact, smears of blood around her upper lip and cheek, she looked a disheveled mess. Yet I looked a little flustered and my right cheek was feeling a bit warm from the slap, but one could hardly tell I was in a fight. "I'm sorry" Taylor mumbled, which caught me off guard and her as well, so much so that that I distinctly heard her voice crack with emotion, and the tears began to run down her cheeks. She took a huge breath of air to try and disguise a sob that had also slipped out, my response was to simply nod in acknowledgment and slowly took a step back as my eyes traveled to look over at Janet who remained standing like some statue, her eyes wide with disbelief looking back at me. On my own unsteady pair of legs I sighed "Okay" and walked down the row of lockers grabbing my bag and shirt off the bench while my mind lingered in its own complete and utter daze. Wow, what a change, the late afternoon sun was hanging a little low as I emerged from the girl's gym room and took a deep breath of the cool air, while some humidity hung in the air it was noticeably better then the oppressive heat of the locker room I was leaving behind. The slight breeze chilled my body, as I approached my car, I watched people milling about outside, going about their daily business, 'So strange' that I should feel paranoid, out of body almost, as if I had done something terribly wrong. I felt the tension rise in my back, waiting for the teacher, security guard or Principal to come running up to me any second, to scold and punish me for fighting, to suspend or expel me even. 'It goes against everything I've been taught, so why is there some feeling of liberation in what just happened.' I drove around for about twenty minutes, which was odd because my home was only ten minutes from school. Everything seemed to move in a little slower motion, as a strange calm and peace settled in over me as I fell into an almost Zen like state and then realized that I had the oddest desire to go see Sharon, and to confess everything that just happened, 'After all, she's your friend' and that really got to me as I felt the tide of emotions rise back up.