College 22
By Corbin
How life tests the endurance, patience, and sometimes faith of one young woman.

**********

"Let bravery be thy choice, but not bravado." 
Menander (342 BC D 292 BC)
 
**********

Well, it's dead, my computer that is, it finally died. All seemed lost, 
everything I had ever accumulated on that hunk of junk; pictures, emails, diary, 
everything. But then an angel from heaven smiled down on me and I remembered 
that this guy in our townhouse-complex did computer 'stuff'. So I knocked on his 
door asking him for help, which he seemed more then eager to please...I also 
offered to financially reimburse him to which he replied, "Well, let's see what 
the problem is first."
 
Shameful is how I felt as I sat there watching him drag that hunk of metal 
out from under my desk and look it over. I could tell he was slightly 
stunned at the condition, scuff marks from where I've kicked it repeatedly, 
not to mention the billows of dust and lint that fell out of the case when he 
finally cracked it open. The comedy show really got started when Sharon 
came in and sat down to watch, annoyingly filing her fingernails as she 
fired of smart ass comment after comment. I was doing my best to suppress my 
panic as he asked if I had any backup of my 'data'.
 
"Well, if we had a backup, we wouldn't need your help, now would we?" Sharon 
gripped.
 
"SHARON!" I snapped, that was awfully rude of her. She just shrugged and 
continued to file her fingernails, I know it's that bitchy side of hers coming 
out.
 
That's when reality started to settle in as I realized years of personal stuff 
was lost, or so I thought. Fuck I was ready to panic, wait, ready to?  I 
was panicking!
 
Well, he leaves to go and get a spare hard drive from his townhouse 
downstairs (people actually have spare hard drives lying around?) and 
somehow...and I don't know how, he got the thing to boot off a CD and was 
able to run some software that took freaking hours.
 
Long story short, almost all of my stuff was recovered onto that spare 
drive which he gave to me! For NOTHING! I tried to pay him, but he would 
have none of it! Damn, what a guy!
 
Of course had he billed me I would have strung him up by his scrawny neck and 
said "YOU LITTLE PUNK, YOU WILL FIX THIS PC OF MINE AND THEN BEG ME NOT TO KICK 
YOUR LITTLE ASS AFTERWARDS! AND YOU WIll BE GRATEFUL EITHER WAY BECAUSE I GAVE 
YOU THE PLEASURE OF BEING IN MY PRESENCE!!!" 
 
But I wouldn't do that 'cuase I'm nice, just a pussycat *MEOW*
 
He then offered to help copy all the recovered data off the drive onto 
whatever new computer I decide to buy. You know, I never even gave him 
the time of day before all this and all of the sudden he was a lifesaver! 
Spending hours helping me get all my stuff recovered and restored and 
never asked anything in return...and why did I never pay any attention to 
this guy? I guess he dresses okay, a bit skinny, a little dorky. But he was 
nice, courteous, kind, and generous with his time. Not sure if he's dating 
material but....it does make me think twice. I've never considered going out 
with someone who is a little shorter and pretty weak, I mean I could probably 
kick his butt with nothing more then a 'stern' look.
 
Sharon is such a tease, she grabbed the guy by his right arm as he got up 
to leave, pulling me and him into a group hug while she kissed him on the 
cheek. Talk about bright red, this guy was blushing harder then I can recall 
seeing in a long time, it was adorable. But come on now! I know he enjoyed that 
hug as we thanked him profusely! :) 
 
Sometimes I think the mind is far more seductive then the body? Yeah, but 
I'm looking for both ya' know?
 
We waved goodbye as he trotted down the stairs and after Sharon closed 
the door she ruined the moment...

"I bet he goes back to his room and whacks off to that hug we gave him." 
She quipped while turning the knob to the deadbolt.
 
"Thanks Sharon! Thanks for ruining a perfectly innocent moment you freak!" I 
snapped.
 
"What?" Sharon just shrugged and looked at me like *I* was the one with 
the problem.
 
So, what did I get as a replacement? An Apple PowerBook loaded with all 
the features! Damn it's so cool I love it!!! The guy at the store even set 
everything up for me and sat down with me to teach me step-by-step on 
how to use EVERYTHING! He gave me his Business Card and his personal 
Cell Phone number written on the back in case I had any Questions, hmmm now why 
do you suppose he gave me his personal cell number? I dunno? Any guesses?
 
**********
 
So here's a little moment I had the other day: Sitting at this old picnic table 
with the sun beating down on my already warm body which makes me feel wonderful. 
My brown tee shirt soaked with sweat, it must be at least 90 degrees with 80% 
humidity, god I love this weather. You see I had to drag this table outside, why 
put a picnic table inside? And the view, oh my what a view, looking out over 
these fields while I sit eating my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. So quiet 
and peaceful.
 
Part of my contentment is knowing that I am outsider, a loner...that's just 
the way it is with me. But accepting that has brought allot of peace into my 
life. 

Just a moment I wanted to share :)
 
**********
 
Now it's time for a little confession...
 
If anyone out there has been reading this, then you know I give my gym allot of 
grief, actually, I give the people that go there allot of grief. But, I 
do like the management and its employees. Also I am unquestionably at the 
TOP of the female food chain, heck, I'm damn near close to being at the 
top period, except for a few men that are hardcore body builders. Now, what I am 
referring to is the 'Total Package': Strength, physique, dexterity, endurance, 
definition (which probably could fall under physique), and yes...even looks. So 
what does that say about me? Well, it means that I am guilty of 'sizing' myself 
up against other people and perhaps being a bit conceded...and arrogant...and a 
few other words you can throw in the mix, god knows I've been called them all.  
 
There are maybe one or two other women that are more hardcore then me, but they 
are serious into the competitions. Big bulky arms and legs, ripped and cut when 
getting ready for tournaments, but even when it's 'down time' for them, their 
faces have that yucky masculine look, where their cheeks are all sunken looking, 
nasty. I wont come out and accuse them of being on 'roids, but look, there are 
some tell tale signs which I won't dwell on.

Well, I walked into the gym this past Saturday afternoon around 5:30 pm. 
It was a very slow day, just the kind I like, when in one of the aerobic rooms I 
see this woman, long brown hair pulled into a pony tail and she is performing 
some Kata/Form (I didn't recognize the Style) she was all alone. But damn, she 
looked powerful as she executed every strike and kick with confidence and 
authority. She had on a black pair of pants (lower part of her Gi) but a sports 
bra on top. She didn't have a belt on so I had no idea what rank she was. 
 
I have never seen this girl before and I was freaking impressed...seriously, she 
had this 'aura' about her, where did she come from? I came so close to walking 
in and talking to her. Why was that? I normally avoid everyone...but she seemed 
to exude the opposite of everything that I am; She had tattoos on her right 
shoulder and one on her back and left forearm...nothing big, but you know how I 
dislike tattoos. She also appeared very much into the whole stand up 
Fighting Arts, where I love the grappling/wrestling style, it was like looking 
at my opposite in every way, except she did have this 'loner' attitude, like 
me. Also, I was taller then her, she looked to be around 5' 6" or 7". 
Anyway, I went into the locker room, changed and came out. I purposively 
walk back around to where she is, thinking I just might say hello, but now 
she is leaving! Gym bag slung over her shoulder and she looks at me...I 
simply stare right back at her and she looks away, then looks back at me, 
this time with a more inquisitive intense stare. Then I looked away so as 
not to appear obvious, nothing hostile in that exchange, but we were 
definitely sizing each other up...and that was it, she left and I went into the 
weight room to exercise.
 
Will I see her again? Only time will tell.
 
**********
 
I knew the coming days and weeks were going to have several 'make or break' 
moments in my relationship with Nikki, starting with today...this very moment.
 
Nikki opened the door, she paused and looked around studying my dorm 
room, and obviously she noticed the additional clothing and belongings.
 
"Who's stuff is all of this?" Nikki casually pointed, but I think she already 
knew.
 
"Oh Sharon's, she was over earlier and might stay over the night." I sighed 
and closed my laptop.
 
"Really!" Nikki looked dumbfounded and appeared not to know what to make of the 
whole thing. I was waiting for some comment, something to open the door so that 
we could clear the air, all the tension that was between us, but it didn't 
happen. Nikki kind of shuffled around, gathering her thoughts and then suddenly 
looked up at me with those big beautiful dark eyes of hers;
"Hey, do you mind trying something with me this afternoon?"
 
"Try something?" My tone a bit on the suspicious side, not to mention probably 
sounding a bit retarded as I dragged out the question.
 
"Yeah, I want you to come to my class, I really think you would enjoy it."
 
"That karate class?" I zipped up my light weight jacket.
 
"Jiu-Jitsu" Nikki corrected, "Anyway, I thought maybe you could just try it, 
don't act surprised, we've talked about this before." She shrugged trying to 
act relaxed about the whole thing, but I think she was trying to get us 
closer again, something I also secretly wanted. It was awkward, the way we 
floated in and out of intimacy with one another, one of us would get guarded and 
then we both would pull back and retreat back into the relationships with our 
respective boyfriends.
 
"Uhm, well, I'll go and watch maybe." I just replied with not much enthusiasm as 
I followed her down to the University Gym.
 
Nikki looked over at me "Sorry we haven't had more time together." And then 
wrapped her right arm around my shoulder as we trekked down the sidewalk. I 
don't know why that almost made me cry, was it the fact that I had missed her 
touch so much?
 
"Thanks Nic" I sighed and for a seconds rested my head on her shoulder, 
that made her smile even though I couldn't see it, I could just feel that she 
was smiling. I sighed while watching the occasional leaf blow across the 
concrete sidewalk ahead of us.
 
"Damn Corbin, are you okay? I mean, if you ever need to talk." Nikki said.
 
"Thanks, I'm okay I think, Dale and I are just hitting a very serious stage and 
as usual I am having doubts." I groaned feeling that tension rise up in my back.
 
"What?" Nikki paused on the steps leading up to the gym, waiting for me to 
complete my thoughts.
 
"People just won't give us a break," I stuffed my hands into my pockets 
out of frustration, "The second we have any argument I am getting asked out on 
dates. Not to mention Nic some of my so-called friends are now 
trying to go out with Dale, that really hurts." Uh-oh, better roll the eyes a 
few times, I feel a little moisture building up in the corners and I really 
don't need to start crying right now.
 
"Your about to find out who your friends really are Corbin." Nikki reached 
up and gripped my left shoulder. I could see it in her eyes and it pained 
me, she had this glimmer of hope that something could develop between 
us, but I was panicking and scared as hell. I just couldn't see myself in a 
relationship with a girl just yet, and I still had feelings for Dale. But I 
can't see my life without Nikki.
 
"Hey!" Nikki suddenly beamed her smile at me trying to change the subject.
 
"What?" I whispered cautiously, leaning away a few inches.
 
"I love your hair! It's shorter, it looks great!"
 
I felt Nikki reach out and touch a few strands, caressing and touching it 
admiringly, "Thanks, I have to admit, I've really grown to like it."

**********
 
It's time for the 'Squat Test'.
 
Every time I go shopping for pants I have to perform the 'squat test'. You 
see, lately the trend with jeans for women is to have them cut so low 
around the waist that if I bend or 'squat' my underwear shows out the back 
or front. I hate that!
 
So I turn around, back to the mirror, squat and look over my shoulder to 
see if the panties are peaking out. A little bit is okay, but not allot.
 
Not to mention that when I find a pair, my thighs usually won't fit, not that 
I have big thighs, it's just they are somewhat muscular. Seems clothing 
designers think all girls are super skinny or super fat. I even have to 
resort to wearing men's jeans so I can overcome this stupid lack of 
selection.
 
Girls, please stop wearing short tank tops, you know the ones, where your 
fat bellies flop out and jiggle when you walk? I know the reason behind it, 
I just wish they would stop. They know their unattractive guts are hanging 
out for the world to see, it's a kind of in-your-face reverse fashion 
statement, or some mumbo-jumbo thing like that.
 
"Gee Corbin, I wish I had a body like yours, you must work out all the 
time."

Yeah, I do workout all the time you jello-eating, fat, slug of a pudding ass. 
While you are out drinking, eating, partying every night, I am at the gym, 
including weekends. It's called making sacrifices, everyone wants the one-
minute thigh-master or the eat-whatever-you-want diet. Damn this world is 
filled with some simple minded, gullible, lazy fools. 
 
I work hard for this body, I take my vitamins, eat what I should, go to the 
doctor and get regular check ups and exams as I should. You know 
something, come to think of it, I have never had a broken bone or even a 
fracture, which is phenomenal considering all the sports I've played and 
still play. My doc says I have great bone density! Oh, I've pulled a muscle, 
jammed a toe, finger or two but that's the extent of it....oops, better knock 
on wood! :)

**********
 
I knew Nikki was watching me, 'watching out for me' perhaps is the more 
appropriate term. The class had been segmented off into appropriate 
rankings and I (with the rest of the novices) sat as 'Bill' went over some 
basic drills. I could call him by his official title as I write this, per class 
protocol, but I don't believe in all that formal bowing junk, just show me 
the technique. Besides, his name really is Bill...he looks like a 'Bill', 
henceforth I will call him Mr. Bill :) Not Sensei, not Master...none of 
that...not out of disrespect, but as you will see, in the next few months I 
would be kicking Bill's ass all over the matt, so much for that Black belt 
around his waist, MASTER BILL! :P
 
Bill, was going around to each student and was explaining how to put 
someone in, as they call it, 'Your Guard'.  Specifically he was showing us 
the 'Near Guard' position, where the person on the bottom has their legs 
wrapped around the hips of the top person. The opponent is clinched close, 
so that they do not have the distance to punch. The bottom person uses 
their legs to control the hips of the top person, got that? 
 
And now my stomach was doing flip-flops. 'Why am I so stressed 
out!' was all I could wonder. Maybe I was picking up a vibe from Bill, 
something that Nikki had failed to inform me of; You see, Bill seems to 
have a fondness of 'putting down' strong women, especially strong 
beautiful women, but not in a mean-spirited or overly nasty way. This was 
done more so because I suspected he wanted to make sure that if you 
were going to convey an 'air' of toughness he sure was going to see if you 
could back it up, especially the girls. 
 
Now it's my turn as he moves over to where I am sitting. I'm feeling pretty 
uncomfortable wrapping my legs around his waist, even with the thick 
heavy Gi on. I don't know why, seems rather intimate, but in any case I 
tried to stay focused on the mechanics of it all, but often wondered if men 
were having secret sexual fantasies as they practiced all of these grappling 
moves with me.  Back to Mr. Bill, he is making some final adjustments 
while leaning over the top of my body and begins to explain the purpose of 
this technique, and how this would lead into other techniques to be utilized 
later. 
 
"Squeeze some." He said, with a tone of 'go ahead, try me'. So I increased 
the tension along my inner thighs; he simply appeared amused, 'What an 
ass' I thought. Cautiously I tightened my left foot around my right ankle 
just a tad more, I'm not sure why I did that, but it was as if my 
subconscious was telling my body to get ready. Several male students are 
just sitting there looking at me, not even paying attention to the instructor, 
and now I'm wondering if this was all a big mistake as I glance over at 
Nikki, but she's busy helping another student, 'Damn, I'm on my own.'
 
"Don't worry, you can grip harder then that, if you can, I'll be alright." His 
voice snapped me back into the moment, but that condescending smile, 
I'm sure it was a fucking condescending smile...now that pissed me off.
 
"You sure?" I sneered. 
 
And then he snorted with amusement, "Yeah, I'm sure" and then I think 
he may have even rolled his eyes a little. 'Is this guy for real? I mean 
what happened to being respectful, and treating your students with 
respect. But this character is acting like a real jerk!' Maybe I'm the one in 
la-la land and need a wake up call or maybe this instructor needs one, in 
any case, boy-oh-boy he's about to get one...from me! 
 
'You want pressure, you got it Mr. Ass!' I was fuming now. Suddenly my 
legs snapped shut and I was beaming with a smile of satisfaction as he was 
starting to realize his poor choice of words. "Like that?" I seethed thru 
gritted teeth while still serving up a heaping helping of that smile of mine.
 
"Ugghhhh" He groaned, "yeeeaahhhgghhh"
 
I was loving it, he couldn't disguise it as his face began that slow twisting 
expression into pain, pain that conveyed his male pride at work, mentally 
fighting to suppress any sign of weakness. But his torso was no match for 
my thighs, even if he was in good shape, I simply steamrolled all of his 
internal guts between my legs, making sure I squished his insides nice and 
flat. 'Oh look at that, he's still trying to act all nonchalant' I thought, but 
he's sweating now and his face is a bit redder then a few seconds before. 
'Oh come on, all of this bravado to save a little face? To save your ego? I 
mean after all he asked for this!'
 
On a hunch I glanced over at Nikki and she almost had a full-blown smile 
on her face, that 'Good, serves you right' kind of look on her face. 
 
And then, I think I rocked his world when I looked back up at poor Bill and 
asked, "Is that tight enough, or should I make it tighter?" I gave him the 
coldest, hard-core look I could, my smile fading. I had held some of my 
gripping power in reserve, just incase.
 
"No, actually you can ease up a little." He finally caved and now no one was 
looking at me any more, but at him in bewilderment as to what just 
took place. Somehow Bill got thru the rest of class, but he wasn't moving 
too well.:) After class he came up and slapped me on the back, even commenting 
me on how strong my legs were. Well, Bill turned out to be a good guy after all, 
just had to deal with allot of his bullshit to find the cool guy underneath.
 
He never asked me to put him in a scissor hold again, I can't imagine why 
:)
 
**********
 
Nikki and I chuckled all the way back to my dorm room, she thought what I did 
was hilarious and it felt good to joke around with my friend. 
 
"So how did you like it?" Nikki asked.
 
"I have to say, I loved it but I gotta figure out a way to make more time 
for it."

So it seemed like nothing but good cheer and laughs, until we stepped into 
my room that is.
 
"I'll back off." Her voice, that tone, it broke my heart, mainly because it had 
this cold distant ring to it. Combine that with the grey overcast skies outside 
my window and you had the makings of a really overly dramatic moment. I 
even remember the exact way I paused as I set my gym bag down, my 
heart was pounding hard now, harder then the workout in class ever got it 
going. I turned around, and was about to play dumb, but I couldn't do that with 
Nik, I felt all the sadness weigh over my expression and posture as I stood 
looking at her.

"Yeah, I've been distant." Was all I could mumble in response.

Nikki reached for and gently closed the door to my room, the feeling of a very 
heavy conversation swept over me and yet I knew it was time.
 
"Yeah, me as well." Nikki began, her entire expression was somber yet amazingly 
calm, her eyes appeared focused and she simply stood there, as if rooted to the 
ground. Maybe her eyelids blinked once or twice but that was it, "I've felt it 
for sometime now, some hesitation."
 
"Oh Nik." I sighed and took a couple steps towards her, I wanted so badly to 
reach out and hug her, but I was devastated to have my arms pushed away, as if 
my touch was suddenly insulting to her!
 
"Nikki!" I gasped and just about balled right there, I could feel the emotions 
welling up inside of me as my lower lip trembled. 
 
"I can't Corbin, it's too painful." And I watched her turn to her left to sit 
down on Sharon's bed, folding her hands in her lap, obviously trying to collect 
herself.
 
"Oh, so maybe we could just shake hands, how about that?" I complained, 
but sort of regretted that snappy, sarcastic comment. Normally I never act that 
way towards Nikki, but wonderful Nikki, she just smiled a little, but still 
wouldn't look up at me, she was still trying compose herself in the face of my 
bitchy comment.
 
"Don't." her smile faded as she finally looked up, she was telling me with those 
dark eyes that she was about to bare her soul and now was no time to get nasty 
or angry with one another.
 
"I'm sorry." I frowned and looked away, placing my hands on my hips while 
I began to pace the floor with some agitation.
 
"I know what I want." She suddenly stood up and took a step towards me, 
now that I didn't expect, it caught me off guard. No soft explanations, no 
philosophical roundabout discussions, she was getting in my face with her 
feelings. In no uncertain terms, she was saying she wanted ME! All of me!
 
"But I don't know what I want!" I snapped right back. Perhaps we were standing 
inches away from each other as things started to escalate. 'Shit, why this? Why 
now? Why can't everything be safe and peaceful, I mean it was only a few minutes 
ago we were laughing!'
 
"Say you want to be with me." Nikki said sternly and stepped in pressing 
the front of her body against mine, it sent shivers up my spine and helped 
to further spark another growing desire of mine, but one which would not 
manifest itself for awhile to come.

I was shaking and started to cry a little, my head tilted forward and rested on 
Nikki's shoulder, "I DO want to be with you, but I'm not ready."
 
Nikki's hands came up and gently hugged me, "But why can't we just be together, 
we both want to be together." Nikki lowered her voice and tilted her 
head off to her right, leaning into my neck. It was the warmest, safest place I 
could be, and we would often hug and nuzzle our faces into the others neck when 
doubts would creep into our relationship.

'What is wrong with me?' I often would wonder, 'Why do I feel this way with 
her, two women that find complete love, peace and passion in each others arms.'
 
"Nikki, I think I just need more time." I pleaded with her, but I didn't push 
her away, I stood there because I always caved into to her affectionate touches.
 
"Both you and I can pursue this if we really wanted to." Nik leaned away and her 
hands came up to cradle my face.

"Nikki...look..." I protested, but her soft, velvety lips kissed my cheek and 
began doing a number on my body and mind. But it was no use, I wasn't ready for 
something like this, I was weak and honestly didn't want what I thought would be 
the responsibility of getting into another relationship. Not to mention what I 
might have to confront by going public with my relationship with another girl.
 
"Think about it, why else would we both have doubts about our boyfriends at 
almost the exact same time? I know you love Dale and I love Rob, but again and 
again we've always been drawn to one another, pulling us away from everything 
and everyone." Nikki continued, daringly she moved her arms back 
down and pulled my waist in tighter, I must admit she was doing a good job of 
confusing and seducing me. "We can do it together, I'll be with you every step 
of the way, I need your support just as much as you need mine." Nikki whispered 
in my ear, "I'm scarred too Corbin."
 
My mind was spinning, all I wanted to do is focus on was School and 
Sports, and there was Dale of course, he was still in the back of mind, we were 
still together, so that was a serious issue. But the thought of Nikki not being 
in my life was so traumatic that I dare not think it, "Nik," I moaned, my eyes 
were closed and I went to hug her back. "Oh Nik, my love." I sighed.

"I love you." Nikki whispered as we caressed and kissed each other on our neck 
and cheeks, but we didn't dare move to kiss the other on our lips. Things were 
too intense now, and I could feel her shaking, or was that me? It had to be both 
of us.

"I'm sorry, I'm pushing, I can't help it when I'm around you Corbin, my life is 
turned upside down." Nikki wept and I began to weep as well, "I had such a 
strong resolve today, to talk to you and try and find a way for us to keep 
seeing one another without ripping Dale and Rob to pieces over this. But I'm 
falling apart without you, it's already taking it's toll on my relationship with 
Rob, I can't even be intimate with him any more." And she began to sob on my 
shoulder.

My hands came up and gripped her shoulders, I wanted to look into her eyes, we 
pulled our faces apart and stood clutching onto one another, my eyelids blinked 
to clear the tears as she did the same. I have never seen Nikki so emotionally 
fragile until this very moment, I had no idea she was in such a traumatized 
state and I forced myself to calm down, I needed to be strong for her as she had 
been for me for so long. Yet, there was never any clear thoughts 
between us when were together like this, we instantly became physical, it was on 
pure emotion we seemed to move sometimes. I watched a tear trek over her cheek 
and crest over her lips, her tongue moved to catch it and I lost my self 
control, my mouth moved in and we were kissing passionately, crying as 
we tasted each other, the salt of our tears and saliva.

I shouldn't have kissed her, but she was returning my kiss with equal fervor 
until she suddenly froze and pushed away from me, "I can't." She cried and wiped 
the tears away while turning to grab her gym bag and bolted from my room.

What just happened?

"Nic?" I just mumbled her name once while standing there alone in total shock. I 
couldn't believe it, she was gone. It didn't seem real, none of it, in fact I 
was more surprised that I was holding it together so well as I sat down on my 
bed, I guess I was in a state of total shock.

And then it hit me, everything that was said and just happened, it welled up in 
the pit of my stomach and was shooting upward...oh damn! I bolted to the 
bathroom and flipped open the toilet lid. I took a few deep breaths and cursed 
privately, as I tried to calm myself, thankfully I did not throw up, I hate 
throwing up, only when I had the worst case of the flu or something did I throw 
up, but that was a long time ago. 
 
I went and laid down on my bed, I just seemed so surreal to find myself torn 
between Dale and Nikki, how in the hell did this happen? Not torn between two 
men, but between a man and another woman!

I wanted to call her later that night but what would I say, the same plea for 
more time on my part? More time for what? I asked myself, time to be alone, or 
time to find and be in love? And where does my future lie? With Dale or with 
Nikki?

Nikki wanted a resolution to all of this, she felt like she was ready and as I 
laid there in bed a warm feeling began in my tummy, I was smiling now a little, 
smiling at the thought that Nikki wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, 
that she felt she had found something in me that no one in this world had but 
me.

"You have to be very careful how you handle this Corbin." I whispered.

The coming weeks would prove to be better then I thought, if awkward, we needed 
the break from one another it seemed. I continued taking the Martial Arts class 
and attending Soccer training and games, so running into Nikki was frequent. We 
were cordial to one another but withdrawn, not much more I can add at this 
point, or want to add, except that 'life' is unpredictable sometimes.