College 21 By Corbin How life tests the endurance, patience, and sometimes faith of one young woman. ********** I could probably leave out allot of boring stuff, the only problem is what stuff? Once again I have to emphasis that my forte is not writing so I typically am all over the place. I don't really have a pace at which I work and sometimes I don't feel like writing down allot of details or getting too graphic. Hell, sometimes I feel like giving up all together because it gets very tedious. So anyway, I'm in a pretty good mood today, actually I am a very laid- back-happy-go-lucky-easy-going person, yeah I know you don't believe me. Based on all of the ranting and raving I've done one might think I walk around perpetually pissed off. Not true at all! Well, I was at the gym last night, actually it was a pretty sad workout on my part, my body just felt tapped out so I took it easy and will most likely take tonight off and maybe tomorrow, I need at least a couple of days to let the body recuperate. Oh, so anyway the point I was going to make was this! There was a guy at the gym last night, looks about my age, early 20's and damn cute...I mean tall, fit, okay pretty hot looking when you get right down to it. I've only seen him a few times, fairly new I think, anyways we make eye contact a few times (yes I am guilty of flirting with him by making eye contact and smiling) just a small smile that's the extent of my ability to flirt, a smile or a glance or two, that's it. (Yeah, yeah, Nikki and I are as committed as any two people ever could be. But you know, it's like being on a diet, I can still look at the menu right? But then again I don't diet...so I'm not sure that was a good analogy? But...anyway I'm rambling again...what was I saying??) Oh yeah! Before now I've paid him little attention, just you know sizing him up and such, going thru my mental list of checks and balances. So he sits up after doing a few reps on the bench press and leans forward, his short sleeve shirt moves up about an inch on his right arm...and...FUDGE CRAKERS!!!! he has a tattoo. PHOEY! Granted it's not a big tattoo, but still, very annoying and I leave the weight room, I was almost done anyway. I am bummed now because I have a rule against dating guys/girls with tattoos. I know I've mentioned this before, but for some reason I can't seem to stop fixating on it when around someone...fixating as in I want to grab a bottle of Windex and try to rub the damn thing off. Tattoos remind me of a smudge of dirt that needs to be cleaned off. I've gotten my share of grief from guys and girls, most don't push the issue when I tell them I am not interested, but when pressed I will tell them the truth. Their reaction varies greatly, some actually offer to have it removed...some think I'm kidding and others get down right pissed, calling me 'Stuck up', 'Snob', 'Who are you to judge someone based on something so superficial' and so on, but I don't respond, I just stand there and listen until they finish, then ask: "Feel better now?" and walk off, sometimes catching the occasional 'Bitch' as I walk away. To me, tattoos reek of some deeper-rooted emotional baggage that I just don't want to deal with. (I should have been a Psychiatrist, but then I would probably end up counseling myself...only to turn around and have myself committed!...HAHAHA...okay...I thought it was funny). Well, on with this super-charged, highly rated life of mine! ********** Has anyone ever had one of those nights where everything starts out great and then unexpectedly goes to shit by the end? Well, this was just such a night, classic textbook from start to finish in those regards. To say the day started out great is not entirely true, I was a basket case by mid morning. I couldn't keep my arms and legs from trembling as I sat in that damn chair. There was this mirror right in front of me but I really wasn't looking at my reflection as much as I was trying to envision what I was about to look like. Sharon was standing off to my right, speaking with the hairdresser explaining what the cut should look like and the whole time I could feel my stomach twisting as I watched Sharon draw invisible lines along my neck and face. "Shit that's allot of hair!" I mumbled it out loud in despair. "Everything's going to be okay, you're going to look wonderful" I felt the hairstylist lean in close, her warm reassuring voice entering my left ear canal, but it did very little to ease my concerns. "Don't worry strong girl, you won't loose all of your strength when your hair is cut." Sharon rubbed my right shoulder, ever trying to bring some lightheartedness into the moment and I smiled. 'Uh oh! My cheeks are trembling...that's a bad sign, it means I'm going to cry!' Good grief I feel pathetic, about to ball because my long blonde hair was getting cropped about shoulder length. Snip...snip...snip....and sure enough, the next thing I knew my right hand was brushing the tears off my cheeks as my hair floated away, down to the ground below. I have to say, it helped that the woman cutting my hair was such an artist, it was a helpful distraction to watch as she sculpted, cut, slashed and shaped my locks of hair. She was so graceful with the scissors and razor that I became momentarily mesmerized by the flashing metal reflecting off the overhead lights. Now why would going from totally unmanaged and unkempt, to something smooth, shapely and glamorous cause my insides to flip-flop? I didn't know for sure, but as the hours wore on that day I felt my body slowly succumb to the delicious body treatment that ensued. Pedicure, Manicure, Facial, Makeup, Hair...after all, it was a full service salon and Sharon had outdone herself in making sure I was well taken care of. 'But who am I kidding? I knew for damn sure that there was no way I was going to be able to maintain this level of style, but for one night I did my best to pull it all together: 1 'Convertible' bra cause I'm wearing a strapless dress. 1 Pair of Black Evening Sandals (Oh shit, high heels! Please lord, don't let me make an ass of myself). 1 Diamante v-string thong (Mmmmm, I don't normally like thongs, but damn I looked incredibly sexy in it and it felt good under the gown). 1 Micro-Fleece Classic Gown, slits going up the left and right side, but not that high. READY TO GO!! (I won't bore you with the makeup, shaving, and other personal attention that goes into making us look nice for you guys.) "Hey! I look pretty damn hot!" I blurted out in front of the full length mirror, turning to the left, then to the right several times, taking small steps as if fearful the image was a mirage. In truth, I barely recognized myself, my hair had that radiant sheen and I simply couldn't stop smiling, also I was proud for once at having decent size breasts which really sealed-the-deal with this particular dress. My cleavage was going to be on display tonight for sure. Sharon stood off to one side nodding her head with approval, extremely impressed with my outcome, almost feeling like some proud parent. "Now I expect you go back to your usual grungy apparel after tonight." Sharon sighed as we headed out. "Now I didn't expect that!" I looked over with a bit of genuine surprise expecting just the opposite. That she would demand I keep up this level of appearance forever. "I can't have the competition, you look too damn good." Sharon groaned and she was not completely joking either, normally Sharon had to be the center of attention, but she set about privately quelling her bitchiness. But she was damn sure to get credit for my makeover. Well it was one of the best nights of my life, a firestorm of attention from guys and girls (even if some the compliments were fake/superficial cause I knew some of these girls disliked me), but all the girls complimented my appearance in the end. Everything was paying off it seemed, my hard work in the gym had given my body that defined, almost hard physique that was nicely shown off in the dress; being strapless my neck, shoulders and arms were on display, and the sexiest part was the slit up the side of the gown showing off my calves and thighs. For once I relished every bit of it and oddly enough, the intense male attention didn't seem to bother Dale, in fact it only pumped his pride and ego up even further. My balancing act with the heels was a success, partly due to the fact that I did not have anything to drink that night, it kind of sucked not to drink but you know I really didn't need it, I had a great time no matter what. "Things are winding down, do you want to head on up?" Dale whispered as he slid his right arm around my back and pulled me in close. "Sure" I sighed, I was getting sleepy anyway WHOOOAAAA! What did he just say? "What? Go up where?" I suddenly looked over at him, we were almost eye level now with my heels. "I got us a room for the night." Dale smiled casually, "I can't wait to peel this dress off your hot body. Besides it's late and I thought it would be convenient and romantic to have our own room tonight." I was a bit speechless, on one hand it made sense and did sound romantic, after all the event was being hosted by one of the really nice hotels in the area. 'But I know he's up to something' my mind continued to suspect as I felt his hands caressing up and down my waist, pulling me in closer. "Just come on up and see." Dale smiled mischievously. So I did, we walked up the spiral staircase to the second floor, needless to say my heart was pounding furiously as my mind played tricks on me. 'Am I actually second guessing myself? No, he's not asking for sex, but the plan is obvious.' I continued to wrestle with things emotionally. He slipped the key card in and the light turned green, 'Bingo we were in! And that sneaky devil had been planning something for sure.' Well I just walked into that room, took a look around and burst into tears, it was a beautiful... "Why are you crying!" He rushed over. "No one's ever done anything like this for me." I babbled as my tear blurred eyes swept across the room. The lights were low and some beautifully romantic music played in the background. But I think it was the rose pedals...they formed a trail from the door, up to the bed and were carefully littered all about while a huge arrangement of red roses sat on the nearby dresser. "Oh baby." He sighed and pulled me into this incredibly warm embrace, our bodies were on fire...errr...make that MY body was on fire. Dale was pushing all the right buttons tonight and I was almost ready to just give myself over to him, to consummate our relationship, to let him take me and make love to me all night. I wanted it...I wanted him...I wanted him in me, on top of me...you name it. I knew my body was into it as I realized I was involuntarily grinding my crotch against his and that set off a chain reaction on both our parts. His hands moved down and cupped my ass, squeezing firmly as our mouths mated against one another, god it was hot...we were hot for each other. I was so on the verge of telling him to take me, to take my virginity that night. 'Shit I'm going to ruin the dress!' My mind screamed as we pulled and ground against one another, standing in the middle of the room, 'Of fuck the dress!' I sighed and gave in. We carefully guided one another to the bed and I took the initiative by pushing him towards the bed, the back of his knees hit the edge of the mattress and he sat down breaking off the kiss. He looked up at me and then began to lie back, pulling me down on top of him. The dress was getting in the way so I began to hike it up high on my legs so I could straddle his waist, and I think that's when he thought I had given him the green light. I suppose I can understand his view on things as I was responding to everything at this point and being pretty aggressive myself. Damn, he is quick! He had that zipper down, belt unbuckled and penis out in seconds, the touch against my inner thighs was startling at first but I was still into kissing and his touches, so I let it slide for the moment. I felt him try to move a little lower and get 'into position', yet I still didn't say or do anything to stop him. I felt the nudging of the crown of his penis against my crotch causing me to moan, rather unexpectedly and loudly at that, but he wasn't going to get very far anyway as I still had my underwear on. I felt the track of his hand, moving up my leg and then under my dress, searching for something, to remove that final barrier with his deft fingers that ran along the trim of my panties, gliding along until they reached my crotch. He gently traced the outline of my labia thru the fabric, no amateurish poking or prodding, but soft pleasurable strokes that kept putting my resolve in question. "Dale." I whimpered. "What." He gasped in my ear as he nibbled on my earlobe. "We need to slow down." I moaned, it was a weak effort, but I was prepared to be more resolute if necessary. I'm still not sure what clicked or caused me to put the breaks on, because you see at that point my entire body was hot, so horny and I was soaking wet between the legs that it felt like some animalistic urge was taking me over. I wanted to rip my clothes off and his, and not just to make love, but to dominate, to utterly and sexually dominate him. 'God what has gotten into me?' 'But wait, that isn't part of my plan...my life long plan...my dream...' my logical, emotional, and sexual desires all argued with one another, struggling to take control of the moment. "What do you mean?" He groaned and continued to press the length of his penis against my crotch and I knew he was feeling it now, that small strip of silk that was now soaked with my lust. "You know I want to wait." I said and there it was, something clicked emotionally, psychologically, whatever you want to call it, I think I broke the spell in his head as he became a little detached. I pulled away and looked into his eyes, "I'm sorry, but..." He wouldn't look my in the eyes and I knew he was miffed. "But?" He said almost above a whisper. "But..." I groaned and slowly swung my left leg over the top of his body as I laid down next to him on his left, 'Holy shit, his penis was as big as I could ever remember, fucking enormous! Poor guy, I mean he was aching so bad for it and my body got aroused just looking at it. Slowly I reached over with my left hand and gently began to stroke his shaft causing his back to arch and a moan to come from his mouth. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and struggled to get back on track, "...you know I want to wait." "Oh I know!" He grumbled, "It's just frustrating that's all." He complained and wiped the sweat off his forehead and cheek as his body slowly churned to the stimulation I was giving his erection. "Look..." I tried to smile and save the moment, 'I couldn't take my eyes off that beautiful penis, with its blossoming head and thick veins running up its length. Damn, my insides was almost throbbing in sync to his dick.' My heart was still pumping so hard that my eardrums pounded. "Look, I can..." "Give me another hand job?" He shot me this really irritated look now, like he was getting sick and tired of it. "Sorry" He mumbled and looked away. "You should be." I snapped and jerked my hand away so as to stand up, reaching down to snatch up my shoes. Now I was coming out of my sexual trance, and that pissed me off, ungrateful punk! "What?" He said and sat up, "Where are you going?" "Home, I'm getting sick and tired of this shit coming up all the time!" "Well it's only an issue cause you keep making it one!" He snapped, "What more do you want? I love you Corbin! One second your turning me ON, the next you're shutting down the whole thing and I'm just suppose to settle for some hand job now!" He pleaded, somewhere between being angry and sad. "I want it all Dale! Everything! The walk down the aisle, the wedding night, the romantic honeymoon! I WANT THE WHOLE FUCKING FAIRTALE!" I cried and turned to walk towards the door pausing one more time, "All of this tonight is wonderful but I can't take the constant pressure!" "Corbin please stop! Jesus, I'm sorry I just don't know what to do? I'm just human, I mean fuck...this is torture!" He pleaded and started to cry too. "Just take me home." and I reached behind my back grabbing the door handle and started to open it. "I'm sorry." He whimpered and watching this big strong, beautiful man cry just breaks my heart. Head down and face red, he stepped in close to stroke my cheeks with his hands. "I love you so much Corbin, I am so deeply in love with you, I'm just a big dummy when I comes to talking about these things." Wow, I've never seen him so emotional, he's gotten weepy and stuff with me before, but he was down right sobbing now, and so was I. "Dale, I just don't know what more to say." At that moment, things felt so serious between us it scared the hell out of me, could this man be my future, my husband to be, father to my children (if I ever decide to have kids that is, can't stand the little critters for more then an hour or two.) "Then don't say anything else," he said. I let him pull me into a hug and we held each other for a few minutes, we both calmed down a little bit, I did not want to be the tough hard ass now, laying down the law again. We felt totally in love with one another and needed to work thru this like so many other couples have had to deal with it. A part of me wanted to shove him away and tell him off, that it was over and I wanted nothing more to do with men and their pressures for sex. But the other part of me knew I needed to stand with Dale, as a couple, as a man and women and explore what the future held for us. Lord only knows, but this hurtle will seem small compared to the pain life can dish out. So I wanted to lean on him and have him lean on me. I turned away from him until I was facing the door, my left hand gripping the fancy curvature of the Handle, I closed it and turned the lock. Part of me still wanted to crawl into my bed at my dorm and sleep off the confusion that comes with relationships and love. "Thank you for staying and believing in us." He whispered. "I know I am difficult and have high expectations, and can make allot of demands." I sighed and tilted my head forward until it met the door. I then felt Dale move in close against me from behind, his fingers softly touching and massaging my shoulders and neck, it really felt heavenly. Also I think I did not yank that door open because I had eagerly been receptive to all of his advances and touches, but then as usual I suddenly started to shut it all down. I guess our relationship will either get stronger from this point forward or break apart. His hot breath whispered on my neck, the hairs along my neck stood up in response, "Whatever you want if fine with me, but I want us to stay here tonight, just let me hold you in my arms." He started to kiss my neck and shoulders in a slow and tender manner, I thought of Nikki kissing me, but only for a second. I never answered him, I was tired of talking and just rolled my head to the right and sighed. He already knew what my answer was, and slid his hands down around my waist and to my stomach pulling me tight against him. It didn't take long before the simmering heat that exists between us began to once again build into a volcanic thunder. He was grinding his crotch into my butt and I was grinding right back as his hands were cupping my breasts thru the dress. "Unhook me." I moaned and he slowly undid the hooks on my dress, I turned around and as we walked back to the bed he began to undress himself. I loved Dale's body he was ripped and has a six pack of abs and wonderful muscles all over, without a word spoken I slipped off my dress, my bra and then decided to reveal all of my body by pushing off my panties. This was an action that I did not take lightly, his eyes went wide absorbing every inch as he had never seen me fully nude before. But his look conveyed something else, a look of adoring as well as lust, looks I've seen many times before. "My god Corbin, you have the most beautiful body I have ever seen." Dale was also now fully nude and his penis as hard as that body of his body. Simultaneously we knelt onto the bed and moved our knees toward one another until we found a tight embrace, the felling of his chest hair across my breasts was warm and soothing, his large erection throbbing against my belly sent an erotic shiver up my spine. Slowly we started to kiss, open mouths hovering and touching, tongues rolling against one another. Our strong bodies lowered to the bed, and rolled across the covers while our legs and arms intertwined, I have never been nude with anyone before and I was trembling as our bodies seemed to grind and writhe against one another, almost as if we were wrestling. I was on top of him now, and could feel his hips push up, the heat between our sexes was incredible, in that moment I now felt the incredible chemistry that exists between a man and a woman, and how powerful the desire to make love can really be. Our kissing never stopped as I reached down between our bodies, I cupped the length of his shaft, it felt so hot to the touch and I pressed it firmly against the ridges of my lower abs. My action caused him to instantly thrust upward, I held it tight against me as I helped him rub his penis between my hand and stomach. The thickness and power of holding his penis was amazing, the effect on me was staggering, I had become so wet, at times I thought I could literally feel my juices leaking out of my vagina, it was my body reacting to this man under me, making itself ready to accept him and I wanted him in me, to become apart of me. Yet is was not to be, as I have always said my willpower can be amazing and I resisted, and it didn't take long for Dale to cum, in a matter of minutes he was shooting his sperm all the way up to his chest. I just kept kissing him as I gently massaged his dick and balls, he lay spent under me, moaning loudly for several more minutes, he wanted us to have oral sex that night but I said no, again the line had to be drawn and maintained. I am amazed that I had the fortitude to hold off as I also wanted him to give me oral sex and I wanted to give it to him (It would have been a first for me), but I had promised myself years ago, certain things would be off limits until marriage. We awoke the next morning, him cradling me in a spoon position, he had a hard-on again of course, but I wasn't in the mood. We went downstairs and had breakfast in the nice restaurant and had a long talk. We both seemed in good spirits as we drove back to my dorm, he wanted to walk me up but I said I wanted to just shower and change and take care of some school work. He kissed me repeatedly and told me how much he loved me, I smiled and it felt good to hear, but on the way up to my room I started to totally zone out, it seemed that I had started to think that the entire universe revolves around School, Dating, Sports, parties...whatever...and problems can cause a ripple to affect every single activity one participates in, and then it feels like the whole world is caving in on you. I really didn't know why I was in a sudden funk, but suddenly I was angry...very angry. Was I being overly dramatic? Yeah, but I'm a woman so that is part of the package, I like being dramatic sometimes...it's a female thing. Suddenly all of the wonderful lovely things we said to one another and promises we made, and the intensity of our physical connection from the night before was being set aside. It didn't make sense and I didn't want to figure it out, all I wanted to do is shift my focus back on school again, working out, my sports, friends...get back into my 'Safe-Zone'. Marriage, husband, kids, picket fence and a house seemed to make me want to gag, and it made me angry that I had lost focus. Yep, easier said then done as I stood back in my dorm room, looking at my mirror still all dressed up. Almost ritualistically I slowly peeled the dress off of my body, I was mentally and physically exhausted. I pulled a hanger down from the closet and gently slipped the dress onto the special hanger that came with it, designed so as not to leave marks on the fabric. When I closed the door, I again came face to face with myself, this time I was only in my thong and bra and I placed my hands on my hips as my eyes slowly swept up and down. I was alone, I knew I was alone in the room, but I still had this moment of silliness as I raised my left arm up and curled it in, I watched that muscle slowly bunch and swell as my fist came in. I couldn't even recall doing this before and I brought my other arm up and then tensed my abs...'Damn' I thought, for the first time I felt like I wanted to appreciate all the work I had put into my body. I posed a few times in the mirror, watching and admiring the way all of my muscles etched and coiled with definition under my skin as I rotated my upper torso...left to right, right to left...'Wow' I thought. I guess I am fortunate, people have always said I was born with good genes, I don't know...I guess...hard work must factor in somewhere right? I admit, for a few minutes I stood in front of that mirror, taking pride in my body...my curves...my muscles. I stripped off my underwear and took a nice long shower, it helped clear my mind. I was very pleased with myself for sticking to my beliefs last night, 'no sex' period. Love is such a tormenting emotion, like rollercoaster ride. I stepped from the shower and was startled by the short hair on my head, it caught me off guard again, but I smiled at my reflection, it looked really nice. My smile was also a reflection of having finally thought thru everything that was said and done, and I had no regrets. A night of love making would come and go, but it was more important that my standards (or values if you prefer) were still intact, the respect I keep for myself is something I will carry with me to my grave. My virginity is not to be given away lightly, even though I knew Dale was totally committed to me, and things with Sharon were going well and the only anxiety seemed to come whenever I thought of Nikki, huh, no surprise there I guess. These moments alone I often did allot of soul searching, resolutions were made and promises to myself were also often committed to. I guess you could say I do allot of self consoling.