College Years: 34
By Corbin
"A nation as a society forms a moral person, and every member of it is personally responsible for his society." -Thomas Jefferson


Pre-Story Introduction/Observations...

Try this search on Google "French military victories", then click "I feel
lucky." If it still works you will be surprised, then click on the link.

If you were expecting one of my usual rants, there isn't one today, well not
this time around. I just don't feel like venting, I'm in great
spirits...actually I am usually in great spirits, it's only those occasional
moments when I feel inspired to sit down and vent that people get to see my
agitated side.

That and I've been busy watching the Olympics! Which are now over at this
writing, but anyway GO USA! And go we did!

Hey! Look at that! No...not here dummy...up above under the title...does
anyone notice something missing? Maybe an email address? Yep...gone...outta'
here! Very annoying, not worth the hassle.

If anyone needs to reach me, try channeling via the higher telepathic means of
communication, at least there is no spam to deal with.

If I sent you an email, you may consider yourself one of the blessed few :)

34

"And you believed her Corbin?!"

That's was the first thing I remember coming out of Sharon's mouth, or
something to that effect. Immediately she launched into this defensive
diatribe. But that was Sharon's way of convincing someone she was right, when
she in fact knew she was wrong; so first she gets defensive, then goes on the
offensive. Anyway, Sharon was yelling at me, her face becoming unusually red
as she flapped her arms out to her side like she was trying to take off for
flight or something.

Oh yeah let me backup, this is all occurring right after I came bursting into
the apartment and verbally blasted Sharon about what problems her
manipulations were causing, specifically my run in with Courtney. So anyway,
I'm getting an earful of... "You don't know what you're talking about!" "That
girl (Courtney) is full of crap!" "You shouldn't doubt me!", and on and on...

I won't bore you with everything that Sharon dumped on me...nor any of the
details about who did what and when, not that the details would bore you, it's
just that some of the things she did may have crossed some legal boundaries
(pulling Admin strings at the school via her father who is friends with
so-and-so to have an audit/investigation done on some other Sorority, along
with other stuff like that. All the way down to petty gossip (she invented)
about people, smearing reputations and so on). You see, when you deal with
people like Sharon who thinks two-wrongs- make-a-right, I might as well turn
around and try to reason with the picture hanging on the wall behind me. (But
I hate that picture hanging on the wall, it's that modern art crap Sharon
likes, anyway that's way off on another tangent.)

But Sharon quickly collected herself, she knew blowing up at me was not the
right thing to do and took a deep breath before walking up to me, placing a
gentle hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry for yelling...and I'm sorry for pulling
you into this. But please believe me, they're just playing mind games with
you. If it makes you feel any better I'll keep you informed of everything
before I actually do something." She smiles and squeezed my shoulder.

"Sharon, don't patronize me." I huff, cocking my eyebrow with a bit more
agitation, "Telling me that you're going to check in with me..."

"I'm being serious!" She gasps. Sharon's an actress you see, not in the screen
or stage sense but knows how to play on my weaknesses, weaknesses only she
knows, well she and Nikki. Now she's pushing on my shoulders, guiding me to
her bed where she proceeds to work her magic. And I'm just going with the flow
because I have to admit, I enjoyed how she soothed my anxieties with her soft
tone and caresses. So I believed her, I wanted to believe her...I didn't want
to argue with her at all...she always seemed to have everything under control
and the next thing I knew I was letting my head rest on her pillow, besides I
was emotionally drained.

I really didn't want to try and explain this because I'm not sure if I can,
but I'm not one to give up easily so here goes... There was never a conscious
decision on either my part, nor Sharon's, that our friendship would play out
the way it has, it just sort of happened over time. Sharon definitely became
the emotionally dominate one as our friendship evolved over the years...she
used her spellbinding witchcraft on me you see :). I was never good with mind
games like Sharon and I think she saw me as this na‹ve, clueless little girl
(little in the psychological sense) that needed to be controlled, dominated,
and cared for; and she didn't like anyone else having a higher priority in my
life then her. Hence she drove a wedge between me and anyone she perceived as
a threat. She did this by creating last minute drama's in her life that needed
my full attention, drama's I went along with for a short time.

For awhile at least, things stayed friendly...platonic...but overtime things
got more intense...but that's later on.

The last thing I remember before dozing off was laying on my left side, knees
drawn up and my hands tucked in-between my thighs. Sharon was curled up behind
me, playing with my hair, she liked that...hell, I loved that! Running her
fingernails thru my hair with the occasional stroke down my back. In fact,
when it was just the two of us at the apartment we usually slept in the same
bed...SLEPT as in Zzzzzzzz, snoring!...but I think you guys instantly
translate that from 'slept-together' to 'sex- together'.

Things did seem to calm down, but I also believe in the 'calm before the
storm', so the more quiet Sharon was, the more worried I became. But I had no
proof she was up to anything and honestly I didn't want to know because I had
some last minute touches to put on some research papers and exams and wanted
to get all the administrative stuff submitted ahead of time in order to
graduate in the spring of 2002. Where has the time gone? So many years in
school have come and gone and I was getting close to graduation...I still held
out hope that Nikki and I would reconnect...I never gave up hope...never...but
the light was fading from anything being rekindled it seemed.

I had walked from the apartment to campus one day, it was one of those
beautiful, spring days...the sky so crystal clear that I felt like I could
almost see into the deep, dark void above (God I sound like a cheesy greeting
card or something). So I just enjoyed the walk, everything was in full bloom
as I strolled along, and I had a brand new pair of running shoes on, so my
feet were gleefully singing in their new confines! (I love a new pair of good
running shoes!) So my mood was up beat, so much so that I even enjoyed the
stares and comments from guys as I just walked along with this big, goofy
smile on my face. Sometimes the flattery is nice, it's even amusing to watch
two grown men, dressed in their business suits obviously engaged in some heavy
conversation suddenly stop and stare. That is the power we have over you
guys...and on occasion I enjoy it. My yellow tank top was drawing allot of
attention, I never knew so many people appreciated yellow...oh please, nobody
was looking at my boobs <evil grin>. For that matter, I doubt the 'twisting
neck' stares were riveted to my ass either...but I guess snug, khaki
short-shorts have been known to do that, just a lingering theory I have.

So I had some free time this afternoon as I walked; do I shop? Just hang out?
Go see Nikki? Or just kick back in the park and see if any friends are there?

I can't make my mind up so I pickup a local newspaper and sit down on a park
bench to flip thru some of the local stories. Sometimes I am such a
dolt...totally in the dark...as I see this story about campus police
investigating an assault case involving a university girl and her boyfriend.
The couple was apparently badly beat up and I recognize both of their names!
She's also in Sharon's sorority...and fuck I know the guy too...well sort of.
I nervously look at my cell phone and no messages or calls and now I wonder if
something's going on...is this an isolated incident?

I'm up and walking nervously now...kind of in circles as I read and reread the
article, but as usual it's pretty weak on details. Nothing on being robbed, no
they were just assaulted? Why do I have a bad feeling...where's a trash can? I
feel sick to my stomach. Oh no, I feel that dark cloud returning....the one
that materializes when I get bad feelings and follows me around for days
raining on my parade.

I tear out the section of the story and stuff it into my pocket...shit I'm
sweating now as I start to walk in ten different directions unable to remember
where anything was I was so panicked. 'Where would Sharon be right now?' I
know! And I take off running towards her sorority house. Fuck, I knew I should
have driven but my strong legs are carrying me effortlessly over the sidewalk
as I dodge people and even jump over one of those annoying wiener dogs. Dammit
people! Get the hell out of the way! I'm having a crises, how can you stroll
along so leisurely?!

I've been running all out for almost half a mile now and my heart seems to go
into overdrive when I spot Sharon's car parked nearby and then I suddenly I
come to a stop, my shoes doing that harsh skidding over the sidewalk...'Why am
I stopping?'

I think I wanted to cry when I suddenly tried to gather my wits about me; 'Am
I loosing it?', 'Is my imagination getting the best of me?' I guess I should
explain what I thought was going on; I had images of Courtney beating the crap
out of those two people and now tracking down Sharon...but I wasn't aware of
any problems...but then again I kept to myself allot and Sharon was being very
secretive as of late.

'Your crazy Corbin!' I told myself and even remember smiling like I had indeed
lost my mind, 'This is all your imagination! People just don't go around
assaulting other people over petty crap! And you have no proof Courtney is
behind it, it's just some random crime.'

I'm sitting under a tree now, catching my breath as I pull out the torn
newspaper article and glance around for a trash can. "Well Sharon...if you've
made this bed, you have to sleep in it..." I mumble to myself as I stand and
turn and walk away from the direction of the Sorority house. Now I was pretty
freaked out, like I was turning my back on a friend, my legs even felt weak as
I kept walking in a total daze. My whole body was drenched in sweat and I even
thought about going back home to shower but didn't feel like it to be honest,
although a change of clothes would have been nice. My tank top was soaked,
much to the delight of a few guys on campus that I passed, but I had a bra on
so it's not like you could see anything, but all men pretend to have x-ray
vision.

"CORBIN! CORBIN!"

'Huh?' I stop and look over my shoulder, it's Chris and he's juggling a
backpack and some other stuff while trying to catch up to me. I don't think I
will ever be able to free him of all his dorky mannerisms, but I'm still
trying.

"Oh, hey Chris" I smile, forcing a smile as he steps up, I give him a hug and
tell him it's good to see him. I grab his shoulder strap and pull it up on his
shoulders and tell him to stand up straight. Still, he's like a changed
person, still a tad on the geeky side, but that's okay. I don't see his
girlfriend with him, which is just as well because she doesn't like me, which
is more Chris's fault then mine or anyone else's. After Chris and I finished
our class project he developed a bad habit of speaking 'highly' of me,
especially around Megan (his girlfriend). Which is a big mistake, we don't
want to hear about how you guy's idolize other women, it's very annoying. So I
had to tell Chris to 'chill' on the 'Corbin-this and Corbin-that' stuff and he
understood what I was getting at.

I had hoped some small chit-chat with Chris would take my mind off things, but
it didn't...*BOO HOO HOO* *POOR ME* *WHINE-WHINE-WHINE* I know, I'm sounding
pathetic... :)

So I did what I normally do when I am frustrated, depressed, angry...I go into
the gym and lift. That was exactly what I needed too, for several days I was
either working out or studying, and most importantly avoiding Sharon. I could
tell things were not going well for her, she seemed in a bit of a funk but
stayed quiet most of the time. 'Oh something was brewing I could tell, but
screw it it's not my problem.' (Gosh, am I na‹ve or what?)

Right before I went back into the gym to hit the free weights I rested my body
for about three days straight, and what a world of difference that can make.
Now, before I retell this little moment in time, I want to recount a few
fairly boring minutes leading up to my return to the gym (not that most of
this isn't boring to you people, but just suck it up and read on! Or stop
reading and leave...or stick your head in the toilet and flush several times,
I don't really give a shit!). I'm sitting on my bed and watching my fingers
pull and stretch on these three rubber bands, rolling them around my fingers
and wrists...come-on people, you have all done this before, it's a fairly
mindless activity of distraction. There is no point to this, no thinking, no
worrying...a complete and utter waste of time as I play with these stupid
rubber bands...ahhhh....but there is a point to it you see, my subconscious
seemed to be churning away...plotting and planning what to do next. Things
were getting fired up inside of me and so I set my little rubber bands down on
the bed and stood up. Now, it's off to the gym!

It was mid afternoon and packed in that stinky place, I rarely came to the gym
during the middle of the day because of crowd control problems. What I mean
is, there are 'crowds' and I have a 'problem' with that :)

I jammed my fingers thru my gloves to get ready to lift, I don't normally wear
gloves but the calluses on my hands were getting bad, to the point I was
having to take scissors and cut them off sometimes. There are other ways,
gloves included, to deal with this issue, but I'm too lazy...*snip*..*snip* no
more calluses, no just some ugly cut up skin. Anyway, I've started wearing
gloves now. I then realize that over the past several days I have never seen
Courtney at the gym, for a girl that has quickly gained a reputation for being
so strong and tough I never see her working out.

SHIT! Spoke to soon, there she is! Walking into the weight room with the usual
gaggle of 'Courtney worshipers' in tow as I continue to adjust the velcro
strap from my gloves around each wrist. She doesn't see me...yet.

In fact, since our run-in that evening at the Jacuzzi, a little over a week
ago, we've not really seen or spoken to one another, it was as if we had never
even met. Did that moment in the Jacuzzi even really happen? It seems like a
fading memory...maybe a dream?

But it's no dream that I know my way around a gym. I can feel my heart rate
increase as I snap my little headphones in place and hear Linkin Park's
'Papercut' reverberate into my eardrums. I still vividly remember looking down
at the black tattered gloves and thinking 'You've got a month to go Corbin.
Just one month before I either move onto graduate school or the workforce.
Either way I've worked hard for everything, too hard to rollover or to keep
trying to fly under everyone's radar.' Maybe that wasn't the smartest pep talk
I ever gave myself, but it's better I try and make some calculated stand then
trying to keep stuffing the cork into my emotions...because I could just feel
a blow up coming. I finished putting another plate on the bar and had just put
the clamp in place when I glanced up again, 'Now Courtney sees me' I think as
she is sitting on a piece of equipment across the room, staring at me and I
give her this little smirk before turning away. I didn't really care how she
felt or what expression she gave me in return, she was nothing to me now...a
fly to be swatted when the time came. Awfully arrogant of me to think that
huh? Well, with so little time in school left, I didn't give a flying fuck
anymore...

(I don't know why I take Sharon's side...I guess that makes me her witless
accomplice.)

Anyway, back to 'Not giving a flying fuck', that is what I was all
about...attitude wise. Studying and lifting was really what it all came down
to and various other forms of exercising (running, cycling, hiking...you name
it) during those last few days and everyone/everything else got allot of
attitude from me.

I suppose it was a somewhat calculated move on my part, especially if I knew
someone had an intense dislike for Sharon. I picked my battles too because I
was maneuvering in for the kill, but wasn't going to be the one who made the
first move...oh no, I was going to draw Courtney out and make her come to
me...

You see, I had become curious if this girl had the nerve to follow thru on her
threat, that if I took sides that she would 'kick my ass'. Well I definitely
put the vibe out there, that I was taking sides with Sharon and I was blunt
about it. Telling several guys and girls to go and do unpleasant things to
themselves and probably included a few of their family members whenever I got
the chance.

I remember one confrontation I got into with these two guys that walked right
up to me and decided to pepper me with insults; "Hey Corbin, why are you being
such a bitch lately?".............'Cause I can be!' "You on a permanent
period?"...........................................'No, thank god.' "Just
going thru that man-hater stage ever since Dale dumped
you?"........................'Other way around guys.'

And on...and on...they went. By the way, that's what I thought in response as
they rambled, I didn't respond, they were just trying to push my buttons. By
now a few people were ease dropping and even moved in close cause this kind of
dialogue will draw allot of attention. So I'm sitting there on this workout
bench as they perform their little stand-up routine.

"So where's you smart ass mouth now Corbin?" The guy to my left smirks as he
puts his hands on his hips, posing real cocky like, he seemed pretty satisfied
with his buddy's clever cutting-remarks. Mind you gentle readers, I have been
sitting idle this whole time as they went on with their in-depth (but
inaccurate) analysis of my personal life.

I just shrug, "You guys are too clever for me, I can't keep up. But your
presentation needs some work, on a scale of 1 to 10, I give you a 4." A few
people around us smirk as I seem to be tuning them out now, going back to
exercising. I guess they got a little pissed cause I'm not getting all riled
up at their remarks.

The guy on my right leaned in "I guess that mouth of yours just isn't getting
the workout it used too, at least according to Dale that's all you were ever
any good at, blowing him off."

"Not even good at that from what I heard." The guy on the left jumps in to
whom his buddy replies something like, "Actually it was more along the lines
of going down on her Soccer Dyke friend's...."

'Okay...okay...guys thrive on dirty, sex talk, time to tune them out,' and I
put my headphones back on and lay on the bench to finish my workout. I wasn't
going to fight them, although it seemed they were prodding me into something
like that, no I have other plans they were not part of my equation at the
moment, just a minor distraction. If I'm going to get in trouble for fighting
it won't be with these two idiots...if there is going to be trouble it's going
to be with Courtney...and then it will be worth it. I couldn't hear the rest
of their insults but they finally gave up and walked off. I mean, I can
understand why some guys were starting with me, I had an attitude and was very
verbally/physically aggressive toward some of their girlfriends. And then
there was that guy in the parking lot that I beat-up, he was a Frat brother so
they were looking for some payback I guess.

Has anyone heard of these two quotes? "Ask and ye' shall receive..." or "Be
careful what you wish for..."

Or something along those lines, anyway I bring that up for a reason as you
will see...

"Long time, how have you been?"

That's how it started, with a polite question. Courtney approached me at a
party one weekend right before graduation, and yes it was a pre-graduation
celebration for you less then clever people out there.

I was sipping on a beer, which wasn't bad by the way, whatever brand it was in
that keg was mighty tasty. I recall it was kind of cool that night, right
after a thunderstorm had rolled by. I notice and remember things like that,
like the sounds outside of my bedroom window as I lay falling asleep when I
was a little girl. And so it's with some detail that I recall the gentle way
her hand gripped my shoulder as she asked me the above question.

I turned and she was there, with a look she had when we first met (isn't that
sweet?), she too had a cup in her right hand, I assume enjoying the same
beverage I was. Her eyes had that calm, confident stare that first annoyed me
and still did.

"Fine." I say, but draw it out with a cautious tone letting her know that I
know full well her polite greeting was now out of the way and she should get
on with what she wants. But WOW, my heart was pounding hard now because I
wasn't sure what my next move should be. I guess I realized that according to
my plan I wasn't going to have to make any move, that Courtney would pull one
of her ultimatums and from there I guess we would get to fighting...right? I
don't know...what if she doesn't do that? What if she doesn't start anything?
What if I've been building this up in my own mind for days and days and then
nothing! And what if we do fight and I get kicked out of
school...arrested...god knows what else...

So as you can see, my little wheels are spinning in a million different
directions.

"You going to miss all of this?" and she nods in the direction of the house
where most of the partiers were assembled.

"Yeah, some." I sigh and take another sip of my beer.

"I saw you at the gym the other day, you're pretty impressive." She's studying
me again and now even smiling a bit.

"Glad you think so..." I groan, "...look Courtney, the last time we talked you
made some pretty harsh comments." There I put it out there, I wanted to cut
the core issue between us.

"Oh that!" She smiles and leans back with a look of genuine surprise, "Oh
please, that's petty stuff, I'm over that...is that what's on your mind?"
She's shaking her head back and forth as if surprised I have even given it a
second thought.

"Really, you seemed pretty focused on it then, but now you've changed your
mind?" I kind of keep her in my sights, but don't give her my full attention,
it's more of a psychological thing to make her think I am only half interested
what she has to say.

"Well, I admit, maybe I bit off more then I could chew, cause from what I hear
your into all that Karate stuff and are allot stronger then I originally
anticipated, so you know..." She does this casual shrug, "...I'm not above
admitting when I made a mistake."

So now she does have my full attention, because what I am hearing totally
blows me away...all of my hostility that's been building for days now is a
swirling mass of confusion. I mean what the fuck! I must be loosing it,
because this whole time I've been building up some big impending blowout while
she's been kicking back and not even giving it a second thought. Am I stressed
out or what? So I'm just standing there, kind of dumbfounded and feeling like
an idiot cause I've been such an ass to everyone and for what? For nothing! I
felt totally embarrassed.

Courtney suddenly stopped talking and paused before saying, "There is one more
thing."

"What is it?" I blinked back to the present and inquired. To which Courtney
then replied by smacking me in nose with the meaty portion of her forearm, my
head snapped back sending me toppling back dazed and confused. That fucking
bitch...what a fucking setup...my defenses were down and now I was flat on my
back, blinking thru tears, beer spilled all over the front of my shirt. I
swiped the back of my arm under my sore nose and a large streak of red
appeared over the back of my hand and fingers as I scrambled to get up 'Fuck
I'm bleeding! That should be on the inside of my body!'. She had started at me
again, grabbing a fist full of my hair and then began pounding me with her
other fist until I was back down on my knees, I just tucked my head and tried
to cover up as her fists pounded away on the back of my head and back. And now
I'm hearing all this commotion, like "Kick her ass!".

'Kick whose ass?' I wonder.

"Get her Courtney!" I hear several voices cheer. Oh, okay...they want MY ass
to get kicked, I guess I have no friends here all of the sudden. Well, once I
was on all fours I figured it was all over, (Perfect, this is going according
to my master plan...NOT!), cause now she started stomping on me with her foot.
So I just fell down and rolled over when that bitch suddenly leaned over and
reached for me, so I tried something...anything...my right elbow sprang up,
ramming into her temple. Good god that hurt! My elbow that is and I mean like
instant pain too, but she stumbled back shaking her head a few times as I
scrambled to get to my feet. The blood from my nose had pretty much stopped,
I'm not a bleeder like some people I know who just seem to bleed forever
before it dries up or they run out of blood.

AHA! I grabbed her by the neck and hair and slung around in a circle sending
her to the ground, her body crashing against a nearby wooden fence before
stopping. You like that technique? It's a classic. At this point a guy had
jumped in to break it up, but no way buddy I was going to have at this sneaky
bitch, but this jerk is in my way pushing on my shoulders telling me to chill!
ME! She started it! (Again this is not part of the plan because it's giving
her time to recover.) So the drunken crowd is spilling out onto the balcony
and now into the tiny backyard. Just great!

I came really close to kicking this guy in the nuts, I've never done that
before and I think it's really low, thankfully my knee connected with his gut
totally knocking the wind out of him...good, he's down as I toss him aside and
reach for little Ms. Tricky- Sucker-Punch. I guess the smack up side her head,
with my now throbbing elbow, sent her into la-la land for a few seconds
because she is slow to get up and that's when I dive on top of her like a
white panther (like that? I like that description, so I added in there for
effect! Clever me :) I would have said 'Black Panther', but I'm not black, I'm
white...I don't know if there is such a thing as a 'white panther', but I'm
using it anyway. I push her back to the ground and quickly mounted her, I
pinned her in the throat and stuffed my knees into her arm pits, so now I'm
feeling pretty good because I feel in control, but Courtney actually bucks me
off!...amazing...the girl is strong as a freaking OX! As I am learning.

I wish I could do a better job of describing everything, I know you folks
probably want allot of detail, but at this point I remember falling back off
her as she jumps to her feet and I'm trying to get back up. Now she is
unleashing a barrage of kicks toward me and that keeps causing me to stumble
back, good grief she likes that kicking thing, even if they are sloppy she
hits me a few times pretty hard and it hurts. So, I am taking the kicks and
building up a hurting fast until I grasp one of Courtney's slower kicks and
hold onto that foot for dear life bringing her down to the ground yet again,
thank god. I'm sure we both looked like a couple of drunken retards rolling
around. But neither one of us were drunk...so I guess that just leaves us
looking like.......oh never mind....

Anyway, Courtney attempts to climb on top of me but I roll to my side and we
are both to our feet again. I was a little dizzy but I saw her coming after me
so I lowered my shoulders and ran hard into her, I literally barreled into
her, grabbing her around the waist, pushing her backwards. Now my muscular
legs were churning as I was staggering her back and I think my strength
surprised her because she was moving really awkward now, like no girl had ever
been able to do this to her. But believe me, I just wanted to get her on the
ground because I don't think she knows how to handle herself that well, on the
ground that is. Also I can't believe this is after only a few minutes of
fighting either because of how hard we are both breathing. So finally! We are
back on the ground and I'm on top but Courtney's wrapped her legs around my
waist and has begun to apply all of the pressure she can. I continue to press
my forearm into her neck and Courtney gasps for air as she beats against my
back and sides with her fists. Her legs loosen their grip from around my waist
and her punches become more sporadic. But manages to land a good one on my
cheek that was so damn hard it had me seeing stars for a second as I back off
to collect myself.

So I'm breathing heavy and I'm sore from the kicks and punches as this fucking
hulk of a girl keeps coming at me. She's again trying to kick...trip anything
she can to knock me down, so what do I do? Like a genius I counter with an
overhand right punch that sails over her head as she ducks. So now I'm off
balance, gasping for air and this girl charges me, unleashing a barrage of
punches to my abdomen, fucking bitch seems to land everything she goes for,
but thankfully she is winded cause the blows don't sting so bad anymore. As I
try to backup and recover wiping the sweat and tears from my eyes I manage to
trip her up and we fall to the ground, and even though I was glad to be in
familiar territory, I also contemplated giving up. That's right, can you
believe that? I really don't know why, maybe I wasn't used to struggling like
this, and everything I was trying felt like I was either loosing my balance,
or second guessing myself which I don't normally do. Maybe I had put myself
under too much stress over the past several days...so I'm crying a little and
just great, I can feel my nose bleeding again.

'Okay...okay...think think...for every problem there is a solution' I don't
know why I kept telling myself that, but it seemed to help and I started to
'feel' my way around her...where her legs, arms and body was. I had to calm
myself down as this girl kept digging and punching into me. Again, just stick
with the basics and I hook her right calf with mine and secure her right
arm...'there, that wasn't so hard', cause I'm not fighting to control her
limbs, no I just want to reign them in enough to roll her over. I bridge and
roll, and roll we do, 'Thank you god!' as I am on top and decide to just keep
my balance as she proceeds to buck like a bronco under me, 'Just keep your
balance' I kept telling myself, 'Let her burn out all her energy reserves'.
Yep, those exact thoughts went thru my mind. Actually, I can do two things at
once you know, so while keeping my balance I work on getting a better handle
on my breathing...because I am going to need some energy in a few seconds.

I think I let my anger get the best of me again, because I thought about the
crowd behind us cheering on this girl, rooting for my demise. Well fuck all of
you worthless shit heads and the second I feel Courtney weaken and run out of
steam, my right fist flies out and begins a rapid fire sequence to the left
side of her face...her nose, her gut. My fist is on fire, painful fire that
is....

Courtney attempted one last arch of her back to roll me off but to no avail as
I just clamped my thighs around hers. We were shaking and sobbing for
breath...tighter...tighter...closer...closer...as eyeball to eyeball I lay on
top of her. We were both bathed in sweat as I slid my right arm under the back
of her neck and my left snaked under her chin and over her throat...that's
when I heard it...finally....thank goodness...

"Okay"

"What?" I gasped, maybe I really didn't believe it.

"Okay...enough." She said in a gurgling voice, that sounded kind of sickening
and that's when I realized she was bleeding from the nose and mouth pretty
bad. I just about vomited on the spot. I managed to stand and someone was
behind me guiding me to a nearby chair but I didn't want to sit, I needed to
stand for some reason and walked over to the fence to lean and collect myself.
I didn't want to see...I didn't want to know what the damage was, and In front
of so many people. I regretted it instantly...I felt awful, not victorious or
glad or happy, but I felt pathetic, like I had sunk to some lower level.

Curiosity got the better of me and I glanced up, she couldn't even stand on
her own, it took three guys walking her into the house. Her face was a bloody
mess and I over heard some discussion about taking her to the emergency room,
that's when I almost lost it, but I turned away and let the shadows of the
night hide all the tears coming out of my eyes as I paced around in circles. I
think I knew I might have thrown my life away that night...everything I worked
so hard in school for and for what? Beating the crap out of some girl? Hell,
we beat the crap out of one another...and over what? Cause I took sides with
Sharon over her freaking maniacal interest in social status and control that
probably led to all of this.

So a few party goers were there, checking on me and such, not all were against
me...I did have some friends there and they made sure I got home okay.

She had a broken nose by the way, had to wear one of those splints for awhile,
and had two black eyes to boot.

Amazingly, I had no broken bones, loose teeth or needed any stitches. Just
allot of bruises and some swelling, but as you may have guessed, Courtney
wasn't so lucky with the nose and a mess of other problems I won't go into
now.

Yeeaaaaaaahhhh...I'm Queen of the hill.....big whoop, at what cost?

I don't feel like elaborating anymore on this topic at the moment, enough
said.

At graduation, Nikki walked straight up to me and gave me a warm hug for
several seconds, whispering "I'm so sorry for everything. Call me okay?" And
she turned and walked away. I went into the ladies room and cried like a baby,
it felt so good to do that.

And as porky pig says: "Tha..tha..tha...thats all folks!" :) Or something like
that.

"'It is never good dwelling on good-byes,' she said. 'It is not the being
together that it prolongs, it is the parting.'" -- Elizabeth Asquith Bibesco,
The Fir and the Palm