Corbin: The College Years, part 17

By Corbin, corbin@poetic.com

How life tests the endurance, patience, and sometimes faith of one young woman.

Introduction/Ranting/Venting/Rambling...

Many of you may be amazed to find out that I am rather well traveled, not sure why I think that. Anyway, my Aunt works for the Sumitomo Corporation and my Uncle (who is English) for a Beijing Company, he actually setup their first remote sales office here in the U.S.

So, I’ve been to England, Japan and Hong Kong and I always take a friend or two when I travel (when possible as I hate traveling alone). I also always try and mark off some time to ‘roll’ with anyone and everyone that allows me too. ‘Rolling’ as in ‘Grappling’, it’s fascinating to work with other styles and I find that the Chinese women are VERY, VERY aggressive…so are the Russian women...but I find they (Russian) are quick to loose their composure and fall back on ‘catfighting/underhanded’ techniques when things don’t go their way.

“Whoa...WHOA!...slow down, we are just practicing” I try to remind them.

The last girl I grappled with overseas was Luda (short for Ludmilla). She was tall, at least my height and damn tough, but had a bad temper. I don’t like wringing respect out of people, but she gave me a burn across my neck when she grabbed the collar of my Gi and dragged it across my throat to choke me. I had just scooted out from under her for the umpteenth time when she got pissed off (she was always getting pissed off) and I felt the fabric grind against my skin. Now THAT pissed ME off and I scissored my legs around her waist nice and hard forcing an uncomfortable groan out of her body as I continued to scoot and go for a hold on her left wrist. As my body scooted her arm was being forced into an uncomfortable position although she still would not let go, but her grip was beginning to loosen nonetheless. Finally, I pushed on her wrist and she lost the entire grip, it was now time to teach Comrade Luda a lesson, thus I powered her left arm up behind her back…pushing her wrist up between her shoulder-blades until she yelped something in Russian, and then screamed. She won’t tap, she never taps, you gotta break the bitch’s limbs or make her scream before she gives up; I made her scream 'cause I’m nice like that :)

Who’s your momma now!

Thank god she didn’t bite me, I don’t trust those Russian girls.

Grappling, no problem I can take her, but it seems her forte is catfighting (Which I’ve never been in one thank god. Depends on your def of a Catfight too; For me it would include scratching, hair pulling, gouging, breast scratching...all that nasty stuff.) Anyway, Luda is a freaking wildcat as she proved later that night, taking out four other girls in a bar fight that broke out. Let me put it this way, take several nationalities (Chinese, Korean, Russian and a smattering of others; mix a little alcohol and you have a nice concoction for a potentially volatile situation). Me? I make a straight line to an exit door when any shoving or fighting breaks out, no thank you.

Another topic and small rant:

Do I have any regrets? No!

What the hell am I talking about?

Competing at higher levels...be it fitness/bodybuilding/martial arts, and believe you me I’ve faced an onslaught of pressure over the years to do all of the above. I believe it all comes down to priorities; I would rather do other things with my time then travel to various competitions and such. I think my mindset at the gym speaks for itself...LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! Just because you are also a female/male fitness nut does not mean we are automatically buddies and are members of some exclusive club.

NO I don’t need you to spot me!

NO I don’t need you babbling words of encouragement into my ear so I can do one more rep!

NO I don’t want to list what my workout routine is on a weekly basis!

NO I don’t want to tell you what vitamins I prefer!

NO I don’t want to enter a competition!

NO I don’t want you to sponsor me!

NO I won’t endorse your products! NOR pose in front of a camera while working out (Okay, that’s a partial lie, I did one exercise spread/advertisement but you’ll have to find it on your own and that’s all the clues I’m going to give away) NOR will I wear a freaking itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny bikini to a photo shoot!

‘Oh you don’t like the full back bottoms we are providing? Here, wear a thong…’

NO, YOU WEAR THE THONG MR. CAMERAMAN...then again...I’ll pass...I can live without seeing him in one of those.

(OH WOW...I LOVE THIS SONG!! ‘Hanging by a moment’ by Lifehouse, it just came on the radio...sorry...anyway...as I was saying...)

YES I am dating someone! NO I still will NOT consider going out with you, I JUST TOLD YOU I AM INVOVLED WITH SOMEONE!

I am going to get a tee shirt printed up with the above so I don’t have to repeat myself. Actually, it’s not a problem anymore, and that’s the way I like it! Oh and then you have the male-ego maniacs who can’t EVER take a hint and continue to talk to me even if I have headphones on, not even looking at them as they talk to me.

I know allot of women who are determined to prove something...you know...kick ass and take names, all that junk. Well, more power to ya! Good luck!

Me? I do things at my own pace and am content ruling my little corner of this universe :)

Part 17

Sharon slowly dissolved the moment by standing up, she still had a smile on her face, god what a relief,

‘I mean really now, the next you know I was going to break out in hives or something.’

“Well, I’m still worried about you…” Sharon moaned.

‘Oh shit, I’m not out of the woods yet…here it comes…or here something comes.’

“What for…why?” Corbin remained sitting looking up curiously, unable to fathom what Sharon was getting ready to drop on her. ‘Oh I had many suspicions, but playing dumb was my first choice.’

“Well for starters, look at you!” Sharon waved her right hand in Corbin’s direction.

“What?” Corbin sneered with angry contempt, “What nit-picky thing are you going to beat me up on now?”

‘I really hated it when Sharon would go on a tangent about how I dressed.’

“Fucking look at you…you look like some hippie, granola, mess of a…”

“Thanks allot Sharon!” Corbin yelled, looking up with a wounded expression on her face, ‘She knew how to hurt my feelings although she rationalized that it was for my own good.’

“…You think I’m wrong? HUH? Your hair is a mess, do you even use a comb anymore?…And what’s with the oversized tee shirts and everyday you wear the same damn crappy worn out cargo shorts, and those flip flops…holy shit…those nasty things are ready to walk away on their own…” Sharon continued her critique, “What is going on! Why are you letting your appearance go?”

“Dale doesn’t seem mind” Corbin replied with a sneer, but her voice was weak, it cut her deeply to have Sharon standing here saying these things, “There’s nothing wrong with me…”

“Nothing wrong!” Sharon leaned back in faux shock, “Nothing wrong she says?” Sharon’s eyes darted about the room as if looking for someone else to suddenly appear and agree with her assessment.

“What are you talking about?” Corbin shook her head; her heart was beating faster, wondering if Sharon knew something that Corbin was totally oblivious to.

“You have no idea? You just walk around…La-de-da-de-da…” Sharon performed a little semi circle prance, flipping her hair over her shoulders while looking up in the air in a somewhat clueless manner.

“Get to your point already” Corbin sighed, but knew that one more cutting remark would push her over the emotional edge. She didn’t know how she was holding back the tears as it was, her whole body felt rigid, afraid that the slightest movement would cause her facade to break down and began clenching her fists tighter.

“My point…” Sharon said, becoming more serious, “…is that I hear all these rumors, like stuff going on between you and Nikki…”

“Will you leave that alone already, one time you walk in and she’s giving me a massage…” Corbin just rolled her eyes.

“I’m not talking about that crap! I’m talking about a reliable source of mine that saw you two lip-locked in a parking lot one night, what the fuck is that all about? Good god Corbin, please tell me your not…”

“Bullshit” Corbin bolted to her feet, but her heart was pounding frantically, suddenly everything took on a whole other meaning to hear that people had seen her and Nikki being physical with one another, and suddenly her head was spinning.

‘God my knees feel weak, I think I might pass out.’ Her privacy was being invaded…out in the open for people to secretly manipulate and gossip, she felt nauseous.

“It’s not bullshit, I know you and I see how you’re acting…AND…don’t you think Dale will freak out if he knew you were fooling around with Nikki like that?” Sharon continued.

“Oh god” Corbin moaned and placed her palms against the wall as if she was going to be frisked by the police. The muscles along her shoulders and back tensing with stress as she would alternate bending her left then right knees to hide the shaking in her legs. A shaking that is all the more evident due to the muscle definition along her calf and thighs.

“…did you also know that Dale is on the verge of hearing that something is going on with you and Shelton?” Sharon said in a bit more quiet tone.

“WHAT!” Corbin spun around, but gone was all the anxiety replaced by total hostile fury, “Who is saying that? What the fuck! What do you mean on the verge!” Corbin took several steps towards Sharon. But the brunette seemed unfazed as she casually placed her hands on her hips while tapping her right foot.

“Damn it! Talk to me!” Corbin reached out and grabbed Sharon’s bare shoulders, literally shaking her back and forth.

“WATCH THE DRESS!” Sharon huffed and slapped at Corbin’s forearms, pushing herself away, “My god, do you know how much this costs?” Sharon quickly surveyed her straps and made a few adjustments. “You think everyone out there is just all wonderfully supportive of you two? Hell no, allot of guys and girls would LOVE IT if you two broke up” Sharon said as she brushed some lint off the front, but quickly looked back up “Allot of guys would just love for you to be back in the single scene again” Sharon sighed.

“Well that’s not going to happen!” Corbin snapped, “Why are you just telling me about this now?” Corbin waved her arms frantically, “And Shelton? Oh please…we’re just friends!” Corbin made a pained, confused expression.

“You two had lunch together last week?” Sharon raised an eyebrow suspiciously.

“We were at the same fucking Deli Sharon! At the same time! And we decided to sit down and chat…YES I know he likes me but we are just friends…oh my god, I mean…What the fuck!” Corbin spun around and paced towards the bed and back towards Sharon as her hands roamed all over her head and stomach with nervous energy.

“Now do you see Corbin?” Sharon folded her arms across her chest.

“No I don’t see Sharon, fuck them…I don’t care, let them talk all they want it wont change anything” Corbin sighed and shook her head in disbelief.

“Oh you’re so right it won’t change a thing…” Sharon, ever the perfectionist, adjusted the straps over her shoulders again as she surveyed the hint of cleavage that rose up from the front, low swooping curve of her outfit and made another adjustment, “…gossip never infiltrates relationships and causes issues.”

“Anything else I need to know?” Corbin turned around more resolute now, trying to put on her best game face, only this was no game, she felt like her private life was unraveling.

“Oh, yeah, one more thing...this…” Sharon took two steps forward and her left hand swooped around, smacking Corbin’s right shoulder, echoing off the mostly bare walls with a loud *POP*.

“OW! WHAT THE FUCK?” Corbin jerked her shoulder back, her left hand flew out and pushed Sharon’s right shoulder causing the brunette to retreat two steps. ‘It really didn’t hurt, just the shock of Sharon smacking me on the shoulder was all.’

“That’s for fighting!” Sharon said with a disapproving shake of her head.

“What?” Corbin’s eyebrows pinched together, again in confusion.

“And I told you watch the dress! I swear if you hurt one fiber on this dress I will kick your ass for sure,” Sharon rolled her shoulders, “…and I’ll do it in my high heels too, how’d you like that? Get your ass kicked by a chick in high heels?” Sharon raised her eyebrows with that taunting cocky look of hers.

“Fighting Sharon? What fighting? What are you...” Corbin shook her head but acting was not her best ability and it showed.

“On the soccer field and knocking some girl down in a bar, then threatening someone in the parking lot…”

“Hey, they started it!” Corbin spat right back defensively, “If you think I’m backing down, well never again Sharon…” Corbin jabbed her left finger at the small empty space which separated the two.

“Well no more!” Sharon stepped in.

“What do you mean no more?” Corbin turned away but gave a quick glance over her shoulder like ‘Who are you to tell me what to do?’, but suddenly felt another shove come, this time on the back of her right shoulder. Corbin had to quickly put her left hand out to brace herself against the wall or else fall into the nightstand next to her bed.

“Stop it Sharon, I mean it…” getting angry at her friend’s confrontational tactics.

“Go ahead tough girl, start with me since you like fighting” Sharon stepped in leaving only about an inch between her and Corbin. The blonde quickly turned around to step aside but Sharon tracked her movements leaving Corbin with little maneuvering until she was literally in a corner of the room, “Where are you going? I’m right here” Sharon waved her arms out to the side to keep Corbin from getting around her.

“Stop it Sharon” Corbin complained with a nervous smile, not sure if Sharon was being serious or what she was trying to do, “Leave me alone, what are you trying to prove?” Corbin turned to her left, then right, but each time Sharon stepped in front, pushing and bumping her torso against Corbin’s body threateningly.

“The question is…What are YOU trying to prove?” Sharon quickly replied, “Hit me” Sharon suddenly said.

“What! I’m not hitting you!” Corbin almost stuttered and got a bit blushed in the cheeks, “Now stop it!”

“Why not?” Sharon placed her hands on her hips.

“That’s a stupid question” Corbin rolled her eyes and tried to squeeze between Sharon’s left arm and the door on Corbin’s right.

“Not till you tell me why?” Sharon’s left hand flew up and shoved Corbin back into the corner, which was no easy effort, Sharon felt like she was pushing on a wall, a wall of muscle that is, fortunately Corbin didn’t resist and went with the push. Honestly, Sharon knew she was playing a dangerous game, she had never cornered Corbin like this and wasn’t sure how her friend was going to react, but prayed that Corbin didn’t snap and pound her into dust. Nervously she followed her intuition while eyeing the blonde’s body language, hoping that she wasn’t about to push the wrong button, ‘And even if I do, maybe our friendship is enough to keep Corbin from lashing out at me.’ It was a sober reality to feel scared and yet try to hide it behind a total mask of confidence.

“Come’on, you’re my friend Sharon, I’m not hitting you” Corbin sighed and even seemed to relax a little, but that was nothing to the relief Sharon suddenly felt, ‘Thank god’ she thought as it looked like Corbin was caving in emotionally instead of exploding physically.

“Your friend? I am?” Sharon cocked her head to the right with a confused look, “Why can’t you look me in the eyes and say it” Sharon shrugged studying Corbin’s physical appearance, her hair was a mess, totally loose around her cheeks and hid a good portion of her face. Sharon, still totally winging it, felt confident things were going better, a turning point if you will…’I hope I am doing the right thing’ she prayed at the last minute. She watched Corbin’s right hand come up and cover her eyes while her thumb and forefinger massaged her temples, Sharon sighed and rolled her eyes impatiently, “Damn it, tell me what your thinking, I mean look at you…your ready to explode right now…Jesus you’re unraveling, what’s happening to you?”.

“Tell you WHAT?...What do you want to hear?” Corbin snapped, ripping away her right hand to reveal a pair of blood shot eyes, “And are you happy now? Huh? Making me cry, that’s what you wanted isn’t it?” Corbin groaned and quickly brushed the tears from her cheeks, but they kept coming. “You’re never happy until you emotionally beat someone down…are you Sharon? That’s when your at your happiest and you call me your best friend?”

“I am! I’m trying to help, I don’t know what else to do!” Sharon replied as her own composure started to fall apart.

“You call this helping?” Corbin sighed with a roll of the eyes, “Pushing me into a corner while yelling at me?”

“Don’t take your frustrations out on other people Corbin, your going to get into trouble! If your upset, come looking for me and take it out on me so we can talk about it, I want to help you!” Sharon reached up and gently touched Corbin’s shoulders, but her hands were fiercely smacked away.

“This isn’t helping” Corbin growled.

“You keep shutting me out, not telling me what’s going on or bothering you.” Sharon kept trying to give Corbin a hug, only have her efforts repeatedly rebuffed, “You’re going to get into some real trouble if you start anymore fights…and I know you can take care of yourself, I’m talking about this getting out of control and you getting into some kind of Academic trouble because of it. You’re too damn smart to continue on this track...”

“You want to know what’s bothering me?” Corbin sighed and finally let Sharon’s hands slip around her shoulders.

“Of course I do.” Sharon whispered.

“You want to know what’s really upsetting me? And you can’t laugh” Corbin lowered her head and sighed into the comfort of her friend’s warm neck.

“Please…shhh…just tell me, whatever it is…” Sharon stroked the back of Corbin’s head soothingly.

“I don’t have anything to wear to the party next weekend.”

“What?” Sharon stopped patting Corbin’s back and shoulders, not at all expecting that response.

Taking a deep breath Corbin then leaned away, “I don’t have a dress and I don’t know…well...” Corbin rolled her eyes as she fought to admit the truth.

“Hey...hey...I understand, don’t say another word” Sharon beamed, she loved this, she loved shopping and this was her dream moment. She was going to peel away all the athletic clothes, Target, and GAP crap and do some real dressing up of her dear friend...her heart pounded with excitement as she contemplated the biggest makeover plan...Corbin’s hair.

“This is going to be sooooo GREAT!” Sharon was almost bouncing on her toes as she hugged Corbin again and again enthusiastically. But Corbin suddenly began to have an anxiety attack as she nervously wondered what Sharon’s wheeling-dealing mind might have in store for her.

(Look, all you guys have to do is find a clean pair of underwear, but not us. You have NO IDEA the pressures we are under. Besides, I think it was a combination of things that just swelled up inside of me. I mean, I felt really pathetic not having the confidence to pick something out on my own. But honestly, for the first time I wanted to look nice…radiantly beautiful and glamorous, no more dressing down…well, at least for this upcoming event).

“You’re beautiful” Sharon said and held her breath, “Look at you, your tan, in shape…in fucking phenomenal shape…” Sharon leaned back starring down at Corbin’s arms, chest and shoulders, “…you just radiate confidence, you just wait!”.

Corbin nervously glanced away, “Thanks Sharon”.

‘Well isn’t this dandy, things are all patched up with Sharon but now Nikki was getting pissed at me. You see, I have to admit, I had started to make excuses when it came to making time for Nik, things were getting just too confusing. She wouldn’t come right out and say it, but I knew she had started to see something more develop between us, but I wasn’t ready to commit myself in that direction. Yes I had some pretty deep feelings for her and still do, but I still liked guys, I still wanted to date Dale...I dunno...’