My Story Part 53
By Corbin
Suffering

**********

"90% of everything is crap." 
		-Someone's Law? 

**********

At first I got a short lecture from Sharon, which I just nodded in silence as 
she browbeat me about being more responsible, (Me? ME IRRISPONSIBLE? I won't 
list the things her arrogant ass has pulled over the years).

But what she did next I did not deserve, or at least I thought I didn't deserve; 
She drew a bath for me, washing my hair and massaging my neck. I mean, I guess I 
looked pretty down in the dumps, but here I was being pampered and cared for. 
Meanwhile David and Robert sat back in their respective homes, really feeling 
the pain of being 'dumped'. I was more prepared then they were, I had been 
formulating my exit for weeks, psychologically getting ready to 'bail' if the 
shit hit the fan, while they were totally...utterly...blindsided.

And what kind of support network do they have, the usual guy's coming around, 
taking them out and feeding them the 'standard routine' of:
"Yeah man, girl's aren't worth it."
"You're better off without her."
"You know she was screwing him, so fuck her."
"You need a girlfriend who won't hold out on you, she's was just a tease 
anyway."

I'm just assuming the worst, Robert has some good friends and not all would 
fall in line with that kind of rhetoric, but I know when they went out drinking 
I was probably getting bashed pretty hard. Except for David, he didn't have 
anyone to turn to because it was all a secret that he and I were getting 
together, and he in fact never did tell anyone, so he stewed in his own private 
hell.

But anyway, as I sat soaking in that tub with Sharon gently messaging the warm 
sponge over my shoulders, it was then I decided to come clean, "Nothing romantic 
went on between David and I, he was just into my body, muscles, but then he got 
really emotionally attached." God I felt like crap right after I said that, I 
thought I should call him later to check on him. "This turned into one big mess, 
I should never have opened that door with David." I kind of slumped into the tub 
some.

"Corbin, don't be so hard on yourself, I mean it's not like it's the first time. 
Is it?" 

"What? It was the first and last!" I was sitting up more, stunned at what I was 
hearing.

"Well, I just thought you've done this before, I mean you're not just in great 
shape, but the kind of phenomenal shape that people really take notice of and I 
figured it's was bound to happen. Also I could always tell when you were heading 
over to David's, your mood always perked up a good hour before leaving the 
house, so you at least seemed to be really enjoying it." Sharon leaned in close 
and brushed the hair from my cheeks, "But I understand how it must hurt."

"I should have done the right thing, I should have stopped seeing Robert 
first. I should have at least had the courtesy to do that out of respect for 
what we have, he didn't deserve to find out they way he did."

"How far did things go?" Sharon was now down towards the end of the tub, I had 
propped my leg up on the edge as she washed my calf. I told you she spoiled me!

"Never even kissed, besides I always had my underwear on at all times. All I let 
him do was feel my muscles. But then he wanted to get serious, real serious." I 
was blushing now, I don't know why.

"You should have known he was going to want more, if the guy has any feeling or 
depth he'll want more, and you know David falls into that category. Hell Corbin, 
he's liked you for years, what did you expect!" Sharon's body froze as she gave 
me this hard stare. "Again, what's wrong with David as a boyfriend?"

All I could do was shrug, but somehow forced a more appropriate answer, "There's 
just no spark, I don't have that long-term picture of the two us being together. 
You know?" and shrugged again, but looked away "That's what I get for trying to 
play things the way I did, whenever I deviate from my safe little way of doing 
things, people get hurt." I bobbed my chin in and out of the water while 
chastising myself.

I really didn't expect what happened next, Sharon had scooted up next to me and 
leaned over the edge of the tub, placing a kiss on my left cheek. Startled, I 
turned my head a little and suddenly she leaned in again, but I met her with my 
lips and we just let our ourselves go. Our lips locked into a very hot open 
mouth kiss as her left hand reached down into the bath to grab a handful of my 
soap covered right breast, which she gently squeezed (that was really hot), 
softly pulling and kneading at my nipple. That caught me even more off guard, it 
was the first time Sharon ever fondled my bare breasts sexually. Sure we've been 
kissing and hugging while around the house, but we held off doing anymore. I 
guess she felt ready and I wanted her too. Like with allot of things, we were 
both constantly testing the water to see if either one of us was going to freak 
out and be like "Ewww yuck! This is gross!"

"You're a good person, don't be so hard on yourself." Sharon whispered in 
between kisses. "Any chance of you and Robert getting back together?"

"I think not." I sighed into her mouth.

"Well you sure went out with a bang."

**********

After that day, Sharon kind of backed off a little from our relationship, she 
wanted to give me some space, which I needed. I had some sorting out to do about 
David and Robert, and the thought of jumping into something hot-and-heavy with 
Sharon would not have been good.

The following weeks were hell (Weeks for me, months for David and Robert), and I 
made them hellish (on me) on purpose. You see, both David and Robert pursued me 
almost daily, seeking reconciliation by calling, sending me long emails, even 
hand written letters in this techno age and of course flowers. Spilling out 
their hearts and love to me and I forced myself to read every painful word as a 
way of finding out if there were any feelings still there, anything that might 
draw me back to either one of them. 

Nope...none, case closed.

Looking back, and as I've already stated, I know I should have broken up with 
Robert first before pursuing anything with David. But I suppose keeping Robert 
around made for a good excuse to say to David 'I was already in a serious 
relationship'. I know, that's no excuse and not a good reason, it was just 
selfish.

Robert eventually started dating someone else and ironically she was a girl in 
town who could not stand me (goes back to my college days), she was my exact 
opposite in many ways. Very, very, VERY feminine, hated to workout, but had a 
good body, and was giving Robert any kind of sex his imagination could contrive. 

David, well David was still special to me. I hoped some nice girl would 
appreciate his kind worshiping. Guys like David are more of a real-man then 
these 'Polished' types who walk around all cocky, emotional walls-up, gotta-
be-cool mentality. He never disguised his lust, his desires, yet he was polite 
and respectful, always asking my permission and always a gentleman. 

Anyway, it took a few weeks to pull out of my self-induced mental 'funk'. I kind 
of woke up and went to bed every day just a little down and kept more to myself 
during that time. I just couldn't spring out of bed in a good mood knowing the 
hell Robert was going thru, after all he was my boyfriend, and I his girlfriend. 
His daily/weekly life revolved around our relationship; Movies we planned on 
seeing, going out to dinner, planning vacations, calling each other up at the 
end of a long day to talk and make plans.

All gone...suddenly...and without warning. 

The nights and weekends were particularly hard on him, the tears he would cry 
when I tried to console him at times were gut wrenching. We had friends that 
moved in similar circles so it was very hard and awkward on both of us, 
particularly when guys started hinting at asking me out while he was still 
trying to get over me.

Over the years (and a number of women can relate to this) I've had more then my 
share of stalkers. Maybe 'stalker' is a bit harsh, but when I go on a few dates 
with a guy, and then suddenly, they are showing up at the gym, hanging around 
the places I would go, like keeping tabs on me you could call it. College was 
the worst, kind of confined to certain areas so you were always bound to run 
into someone. 

I've BREIFLY dated guys that would interrogate me with junk like:
"Why were you late to gym?"
"Where were you?"
"You said you would be here at such-and-such time!"
"Where are you going tonight?"
"Who was that guy your were talking to?"
"Why didn't you come to the gym today?"
"I tried calling you on your cell phone but it was turned off!"
"A friend saw you at this place when you said you were going somewhere else!"

Just to name a few. If YOU have asked any those questions, seek some counseling! 
Well, that's harsh, sometimes it is just concern.

It's just not a good idea to do that with me, it's a sure fire way to get your 
ass kicked, hung up on, or some other way of letting you know, NEVER BOTHER ME 
AGAIN!

Well, I didn't mean for this to turn into a sad, long story (violins playing in 
the background) kind of rant. 

But life isn't always sunshine and carefree. It wasn't until Nikki came back 
into my life that found out what real longing and pain was all about...but I'm 
getting ahead of myself again.

I can be so damn impatient. :)