My College Years Part 34
By Corbin

"A nation as a society forms a moral person, and every member of it is 
personally responsible for his society."
	-Thomas Jefferson
 
**********

If you were expecting one of my usual rants, there isn't one today, well not 
this time around. I just don't feel like venting, I'm in great spirits, actually 
I am usually in great spirits, it's only those occasional moments when I feel 
inspired to sit down and vent that people get to see my agitated side.

**********

"And you believed her Corbin?!" 
 
That's was the first thing I remember coming out of Sharon's mouth, or something 
to that effect. Immediately she launched into this defensive diatribe. But that 
was Sharon's way of convincing someone she was right, when she in fact knew she 
was wrong; so first she gets defensive, then goes on the offensive. Anyway, 
Sharon was yelling at me, her face becoming unusually red as she flapped her 
arms out to her side like she was trying to take off for flight or something. 
 
Oh yeah let me backup, this is all occurring right after I came bursting into 
the apartment and verbally blasted Sharon about what problems her manipulations 
were causing, specifically my run in with Courtney. So anyway, I'm getting an 
earful of...

"You don't know what you're talking about!"

"That girl (Courtney) is full of crap!" 

"You shouldn't doubt me!", and on and on...
 
I won't bore you with everything that Sharon dumped on me nor any of the details 
about who did what and when, not that the details would bore you, it's just that 
some of the things she did may have crossed some legal boundaries (pulling Admin 
strings at the school via her father who is friends with so-and-so to have an 
audit/investigation done on some other Sorority, along with other stuff like 
that. All the way down to petty gossip (she invented) about people, smearing 
reputations and so on). You see, when you deal with people like Sharon who 
thinks two-wrongs-make-a-right, I might as well turn around and try to reason 
with the picture hanging on the wall behind me. (But I hate that picture hanging 
on the wall, it's that modern art crap Sharon likes, anyway that's way off on 
another tangent.)
 
But Sharon quickly collected herself, she knew blowing up at me was not the 
right thing to do and took a deep breath before walking up to me, placing a 
gentle hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry for yelling and I'm sorry for pulling you 
into this. But please believe me, they're just playing mind games with you. If 
it makes you feel any better I'll keep you informed of everything before I 
actually do something." She smiles and squeezes my shoulder.
 
"Sharon, don't patronize me." I huff, cocking my eyebrow with a bit more 
agitation, "Telling me that you're going to check in with me..."
 
"I'm being serious!" She gasps. Sharon's an actress you see, not in the screen 
or stage sense but knows how to play on my weaknesses, weaknesses only she 
knows, well she and Nikki. Now she's pushing on my shoulders, guiding me towards 
her bedroom where she proceeds to work her magic. And I'm just going with the 
flow because I have to admit, I enjoyed how she soothed my anxieties with her 
soft tone and caresses. So I believed her, I wanted to believe her...I didn't 
want to argue with her at all, she always seemed to have everything under 
control and the next thing I knew I was letting my head rest on her pillow, 
besides I was emotionally drained.
 
I really didn't want to try and explain this because I'm not sure if I can, but 
I'm not one to give up easily so here goes...

There was never a conscious decision on either my part, nor Sharon's, that our 
friendship would play out the way it has, it just sort of happened over time. 
Sharon definitely became the emotionally dominant one as our friendship evolved 
over the years, she used her spellbinding witchcraft on me you see :). I was 
never good with mind games like Sharon and I think she saw me as this na•ve, 
clueless little girl (little in the psychological sense) that needed to be 
controlled, dominated, and cared for; and she didn't like anyone else having a 
higher priority in my life then her. Hence she drove a wedge between me and 
anyone she perceived as a threat.
 
She did this by creating last minute dramas in her life that needed my full 
attention, drama's I went along with.
 
For awhile at least, things stayed friendly...platonic...but overtime things got 
more intense, but that's later on.
 
********** 

The last thing I remember before dozing off was laying on my left side, knees 
drawn up and my hands tucked in-between my thighs. Sharon was curled up behind 
me, playing with my hair, she liked that, hell I loved that! Running her 
fingernails thru my hair with the occasional stroke down my back. In fact, when 
it was just the two of us at the apartment we usually slept in the same bed, 
SLEPT as in Zzzzzzzz, snoring! But I think you guys instantly translate that 
from 'slept-together' to 'sex-together'.
 
Things did seem to calm down, but I also believe in the 'calm before the storm', 
so the more quiet Sharon was, the more worried I became. But I had no proof she 
was up to anything and honestly I didn't want to know because I had some last 
minute touches to put on some research papers and exams and wanted to get all 
the administrative stuff submitted ahead of time in order to graduate in the 
spring of 2002. Where has the time gone? So many years in school have come and 
gone and I was getting close to graduation...I still held out hope that Nikki 
and I would reconnect, I never gave up hope, never, but the light was fading 
from anything being rekindled it seemed.
 
I had walked from the apartment to campus one day, it was one of those 
beautiful, spring days...the sky so crystal clear that I felt like I could 
almost see into the deep, dark void above (God I sound like a cheesy greeting 
card or something). So I just enjoyed the walk, everything was in full bloom as 
I strolled along, and I had a brand new pair of running shoes on, so my feet 
were gleefully singing in their new confines! (I love a new pair of good running 
shoes!) So my mood was up beat, so much so that I even enjoyed the stares and 
comments from guys as I just walked along with this big, goofy smile on my face. 
Sometimes the flattery is nice, it's even amusing to watch two grown men, 
dressed in their business suits obviously engaged in some heavy conversation 
suddenly stop and stare. That is the power we have over you guys...and on 
occasion I enjoy it. My yellow tank top was drawing a lot of attention, I never 
knew so many people appreciated yellow...oh please, nobody was looking at my 
boobs <evil grin>. For that matter, I doubt the 'twisting neck' stares were 
riveted to my ass either...but I guess snug, khaki short-shorts 
have been known to do that, just a lingering theory I have.
 
So I had some free time this afternoon as I walked; do I shop? Just hang out? Go 
see Nikki? Or just kick back in the park and see if any friends are there?
 
I can't make my mind up so I pickup a local newspaper and sit down on a park 
bench to flip thru some of the local stories. Sometimes I am such a dolt totally 
in the dark. I see this story about campus police investigating an assault case 
involving a university girl and her boyfriend. The couple was apparently badly 
beat up and I recognize both of their names! She's also in Sharon's 
sorority...and fuck I know the guy too...well sort of. I nervously look at my 
cell phone and no messages or calls and now I wonder if something's going 
on...is this an isolated incident? 
 
I'm up and walking nervously now, kind of in circles as I read and reread the 
article, but as usual it's pretty weak on details. Nothing on being robbed, no 
they were just assaulted? Why do I have a bad feeling...where's a trash can? I 
feel sick to my stomach. Oh no, I feel that dark cloud returning the one that 
materializes when I get bad feelings and follows me around for days raining on 
my parade.
 
I tear out the section of the story and stuff it into my pocket, shit I'm 
sweating now as I start to walk in ten different directions unable to remember 
where anything was because I was panicked. 'Where would Sharon be right now?' I 
know! And I take off running towards her sorority house. Fuck, I knew I should 
have driven but my strong legs are carrying me effortlessly over the sidewalk as 
I dodge people and even jump over one of those annoying wiener dogs. Dammit 
people! Get the hell out of the way! I'm having a crises, how can you stroll 
along so leisurely?!
 
I've been running all out for almost half a mile now and my heart seems to go 
into overdrive when I spot Sharon's car parked nearby and then I suddenly I come 
to a stop, my shoes doing that harsh skidding over the sidewalk...'Why am I 
stopping?' 
 
I think I wanted to cry when I suddenly tried to gather my wits about me; 'Am I 
loosing it?', 'Is my imagination getting the best of me?' I guess I should 
explain what I thought was going on; I had images of Courtney beating the crap 
out of those two people and now tracking down Sharon...but I wasn't aware of any 
problems...but then again I kept to myself allot and Sharon was being very 
secretive as of late. 
 
'Your crazy Corbin!' I told myself and even remember smiling like I had indeed 
lost my mind, 'This is all your imagination! People just don't go around 
assaulting other people over petty crap! And you have no proof Courtney is 
behind it, it's just some random crime.' 
 
I'm sitting under a tree now, catching my breath as I pull out the torn 
newspaper article and glance around for a trash can. "Well Sharon...if you've 
made this bed, you have to sleep in it." I mumble to myself as I stand and turn 
and walk away from the direction of the Sorority house. Now I was pretty freaked 
out, like I was turning my back on a friend, my legs even felt weak as I kept 
walking in a total daze. My whole body was drenched in sweat and I even thought 
about going back home to shower but didn't feel like it to be honest, although a 
change of clothes would have been nice. My tank top was soaked, much to the 
delight of a few guys on campus that I passed, but I had a bra on so it's not 
like you could see anything, but all men pretend to have x-ray vision.
 
"CORBIN! CORBIN!" 
 
'Huh?' I stop and look over my shoulder, it's Chris and he's juggling a backpack 
and some other stuff while trying to catch up to me. I don't think I will ever 
be able to free him of all his dorky mannerisms, but I'm still trying.
 
"Oh, hey Chris" I smile, forcing a smile as he steps up, I give him a hug and 
tell him it's good to see him. I grab his shoulder strap and pull it up on his 
shoulders and tell him to stand up straight. Still, he's like a changed person, 
still a tad on the geeky side, but that's okay. I don't see his girlfriend with 
him, which is just as well because she doesn't like me, which is more Chris's 
fault then mine or anyone else's. After Chris and I finished our class project 
he developed a bad habit of speaking 'highly' of me, especially around Megan 
(his girlfriend). Which is a big mistake, we don't want to hear about how you 
guys idolize other women, and it's very annoying. So I had to tell Chris to 
'chill' on the 'Corbin-this and Corbin-that' stuff and he understood what I was 
getting at. 
 
I had hoped some small chit-chat with Chris would take my mind off things, but 
it didn't...*BOO HOO HOO* *POOR ME* *WHINE*WHINE*WHINE* I know, I'm sounding 
pathetic. :)
 
So I did what I normally do when I am frustrated, depressed, and angry. I go 
into 
the gym and lift. That was exactly what I needed too, for several days I was 
either working out or studying, and most importantly avoiding Sharon. I could 
tell things were not going well for her, she seemed in a bit of a funk but 
stayed quiet most of the time. 'Oh something was brewing I could tell, but screw 
it it's not my problem.'
 
(Gosh, am I naive or what?)
 
**********
 
Right before I went back into the gym to hit the free weights I rested my body 
for about three days straight, and what a world of difference that can make. 
Now, before I retell this little moment in time, I want to recount a few fairly 
boring minutes leading up to my return to the gym (not that most of this isn't 
boring to you people, but just suck it up and read on! Or stop reading and leave 
or stick your head in the toilet and flush several times, I don't really give a 
shit!). 

I'm sitting on my bed and watching my fingers pull and stretch on these three 
rubber bands, rolling them around my fingers and wrists. Come-on people, you 
have all done this before, it's a fairly mindless activity of distraction. There 
is no point to this, no thinking, no worrying just a complete and utter waste of 
time as I play with these stupid rubber bands. Ah but there is a point to it you 
see, my subconscious seemed to be churning away, plotting and planning what to 
do next. Things were getting fired up inside of me and so I set my little rubber 
bands down on the bed and stood up. 

Now, it's off to the gym!
 
It was mid afternoon and people were packed in that stinky place, I rarely came 
to the gym during the middle of the day because of crowd control problems. What 
I mean is, there are 'crowds' and I have a 'problem' with that :)
 
I jammed my fingers thru my gloves to get ready to lift, I don't normally wear 
gloves but the calluses on my hands were getting bad, to the point I was having 
to take scissors and cut them off sometimes. There are other ways, gloves 
included, to deal with this issue, but I'm too lazy...*snip*..*snip* no more 
calluses, no just some ugly cut up skin. Anyway, I've started wearing gloves 
now. I then realize that over the past several days I have never seen Courtney 
at the gym, for a girl that has quickly gained a reputation for being so strong 
and tough I never see her working out. 
 
SHIT! Spoke to soon, there she is! Walking into the weight room with the usual 
gaggle of 'Courtney worshipers' in tow as I continue to adjust the Velcro strap 
from my gloves around each wrist. She doesn't see me...yet.
 
In fact, since our run-in that evening at the Jacuzzi, a little over a week ago, 
we've not really seen or spoken to one another, it was as if we had never even 
met. Did that moment in the Jacuzzi even really happen? It seems like a fading 
memory...maybe a dream?
 
But it's no dream that I know my way around a gym. I can feel my heart rate 
increase as I snap my little headphones in place and hear Linkin Park's 
'Papercut' reverberate into my eardrums. I still vividly remember looking down 
at the black tattered gloves and thinking 'You've got a month to go Corbin. Just 
one month before I either move onto graduate school or the workforce. Either way 
I've worked hard for everything, too hard to rollover or to keep trying to fly 
under everyone's radar.' Maybe that wasn't the smartest pep talk I ever gave 
myself, but it's better I try and make some calculated stand then trying to keep 
stuffing the cork into my emotions...because I could just feel a blow up coming. 
I finished putting another plate on the bar and had just put the clamp in place 
when I glanced up again, 'Now Courtney sees me' I think, as she is sitting on a 
piece of equipment across the room, staring at me and I give her this little 
smirk before turning away. I didn't really care how she felt or what expression 
she gave me in return, she was nothing to me now...a fly to be swatted when the 
time came. Awfully arrogant of me to think that huh? Well, with so little time 
in school left, I didn't give a flying fuck anymore.
 
(I don't know why I take Sharon's side...I guess that makes me her witless 
accomplice.)
 
**********
 
Anyway, back to 'Not giving a flying fuck', that is what I was all about 
attitude. Studying and lifting was really what it all came down to and various 
other forms of exercising; running, soccer, cycling, hiking...you name it. 
During those last few days everyone and everything got allot of attitude from 
me.
 
I suppose it was a somewhat calculated move on my part, especially if I knew 
someone had an intense dislike for Sharon. I picked my battles too because I was 
maneuvering in for the kill, but wasn't going to be the one who made the first 
move...oh no, I was going to draw Courtney out and make her come to me.
 
You see, I had become curious if this girl had the nerve to follow thru on her 
threat, that if I took sides that she would 'kick my ass'. Well I definitely put 
the vibe out there, that I was taking sides with Sharon and I was blunt about 
it. Telling several guys and girls to go and do unpleasant things to themselves 
and probably included a few of their family members whenever I got the chance.
 
I remember one confrontation I got into with these two guys that walked right up 
to me and decided to pepper me with insults; 

Q: "Hey Corbin, why are you being such a bitch lately?"
A: 'Cause I can be!'

Q: "You on a permanent period?"
A: 'No, thank god.'

Q: "Just going thru that man-hater stage ever since Dale dumped you?"
A: 'Other way around guys.'

And on, and on they went. By the way, that's what I thought in response as 
they rambled, I didn't respond, they were just trying to push my buttons. By now 
a few people were ease dropping and even moved in close cause this kind of 
dialogue will draw allot of attention. So I'm sitting there on this workout 
bench as they perform their little stand-up routine.
 
"So where's you smart ass mouth now Corbin?" The guy to my left smirks as he 
puts his hands on his hips, posing real cocky like, he seemed pretty satisfied 
with his buddy's clever cutting-remarks. Mind you gentle readers, I have been 
sitting idle this whole time as they went on with their in-depth (but 
inaccurate) analysis of my personal life.
 
I just shrug, "You guys are too clever for me, I can't keep up. But your 
presentation needs some work, on a scale of 1 to 10, I give you a 4." A few 
people gathered around us smirk as I seem to be tuning them out now, going back 
to exercising. I guess they got a little pissed cause I'm not getting all riled 
up at their remarks. 
 
The guy on my right leaned in "I guess that mouth of yours just isn't getting 
the workout it used too, at least according to Dale that's all you were ever any 
good at, blowing him off."
 
"Not even good at that from what I heard." The guy on the left jumps in to whom 
his buddy replies something like, "Actually it was more along the lines of going 
down on her Soccer Dyke friend's...."
 
'Okay, okay, guys thrive on dirty, sex talk, time to tune them out,' and I put 
my headphones back on and lay on the bench to finish my workout. I wasn't going 
to fight them, although it seemed they were prodding me into something like 
that. No I have other plans they were not part of my equation at the moment, 
just a minor distraction. If I'm going to get in trouble for fighting it won't 
be with these two idiots. If there is going to be trouble it's going to be with 
Courtney and then it will be worth it. I couldn't hear the rest of their insults 
but they finally gave up and walked off. I mean, I can understand why some guys 
were starting with me, I had an attitude and was very verbally/physically 
aggressive toward some of their girlfriends. And then there was that guy in the 
parking lot that I beat-up, he was a Frat brother so they were looking for some 
payback I guess.  

SCREEEEEEEEEECH!!!!!! Stop right there.

Did you thing I was just going to leave the gym without some kind of follow-up 
to their rude behavior?

So I step out of the locker room, gym bag in hand, and stop, scanning the floor 
and find the two of them next to the Standing Dual Pulley machine. (That's 
really what it's called, it's got a freakish multitude of uses that the 
manufacturer 'Hammer Strength' calls it the Dual Pulley machine.)

So now I take a deep breath and walk towards them, one of the guys smacks the 
other guy on the arm as they see me approach, I kind of have a faint smile on my 
face, which is a nice tactic to use, it disarms your opponent because they think 
you may not be all pissed off. There were a few other big guys there, some 
Football Players which were friends of mine and I gave them some pleasant 
hellos. So these two guys aren't so cocky when they first confronted me because 
we are new a few of my friends.

"If you two guys still have some energy left over, after running those big 
mouths of yours, we can go in the other room and workout some. I have my workout 
Gi with me and all we have to do is spread the mats out on the floor."

"What, are you serious?" One asks.

"Oh she's serious." Beni says with a faint smile. He's one of those football 
players I was just mentioning. He casually leans down, adjusting the weights on 
the workout machine before turning back around. Beni is a big guy (Beni is his 
nick name not his real name) 6'6" and WIDE, with lots of muscles, she could 
drive thru a concrete wall probably.

Those guys are just looking at Beni and then back at me as if there were waiting 
for some other clue as to what to do.

"HELLO? Anything going on up there?" I say while pointing to their heads.

"Bullcrap." They both smile like I'm getting ready to say 'April Fools' or 
something.
 
"My money is on Corbin by the way, if either of you guys take her up on the 
offer." Beni sighs and braces his massive arm against the machine as he watches 
this scene unfold. Beni is my buddy :) Hehehe

"Now you guys can either apologize to me, or take me up on my offer, in which 
case I'll wring an apology out of you. And by the way, there is no third 
option."

"An apology from us isn't justifiable, regardless of what we said, you've been 
way over the top rude and ugly to some of our friends. So if anyone needs to 
apologize it should be you." One of the guys says and I was darn impressed with 
his well worded rebuttal.

I shrug and nod my head in approval, "Well, maybe you are right on that account, 
and we could go around in circles about 'who' said 'what' to 'whom' for the next 
hour..." (This is what I hated, the core of my problem with the politics of 
friendships, where you end up defending someone till the very end but no one can 
remember who insulted who first.) "...but the only thing that is going to bring 
me immediate satisfaction is an apology for the vulgar comment you made about me 
and Dale."

"How about the third option, No to the apology and No to the grappling." One of 
the guys pipes up.

"Well, I figured on that as well. So I'll just say this, neither one of you have 
any courage, your cowards. You have nothing to back up what your mouths get you 
into and I'm sure Dale won't be too happy that you've pulled him into this."

"That wasn't a good idea guys." Beni looks over at them and now they're getting 
some pretty disapproving looks from some of the other football players.

"OH YES," And I smile as I see the look of pale-grief growing on both their 
faces, "I plan on telling Dale as soon as I leave here. And as your going to 
find out, he won't give you two the option of tucking-tale and running like me. 
We may not be dating, but your going to find out just how close Dale and I still 
are." 

What I said was all-true, Dale and I were still close and had worked on 
repairing our relationship. Although not dating again, Dale harbored a very 
romantic soft spot for me and as the two clowns seemed intent on finding out, he 
was also very protective of me. Not that I needed protection, but still, it's 
nice to have that security blanket.

So now their babbling excuses and pointing at me and each other and Beni who 
just keeps shrugging and shaking his head with disapproval at these two.

"So you just want us to say we're sorry, that's it?" One guy looks over at the 
other and then back at me.

"Well, you have to mean it. Of course." I say. God, can you believe it, I 
couldn't, these two guys are just minutes away from totally humbling themselves 
at my feet and I didn't have to lift a finger. I was damn intent on grappling 
with one or both of them too.

"Hey Corbin!" Shelton walks up, and gives me a hug, remember him? Another 
Football friend. Another benefit of dating Dale, getting to be friends will all 
his other friends. Some of them were asses, but most I got along with and now 
these two guys are starting to look real nervous. Because now I'm flanked by 
Shelton and Beni and they...well, they are just looking like a couple of scarred 
mice backed into a corner.

"I'm sorry." 
 
"Yeah, me too."

"Oh man..." Shelton pipes but, giving his big infectious smile that I like, 
"...that was pathetic guys, you've got to say it with more feeling! Now let's 
hear it." I wish Shelton would let me handle this, because while the apology 
initially stunk, I can handle it. But you see, Shelton likes to make a big scene 
and is probably getting off on totally humiliating these guys.

"I'm sorry Corbin, for what I said back in the Weight room."

"Yeah, sorry, that was an ugly thing to say."

Damn, now I kind of feel bad for them, that's nuts, I should be living it up, 
but unfortunately Shelton is kind of driving the knife of humiliation in deep, 
razzing them about being able to 'Man Up' and give a good apology.

I give Beni and Shelton a hug and say my goodbyes.

**********
 
Has anyone heard of these two quotes? 
"Ask and ye' shall receive..." or 
"Be careful what you wish for..."
 
Or something along those lines, anyway I bring that up for a reason as you will 
see...
 
**********
 
"Long time, how have you been?" 
 
That's how it started, with a polite question. Courtney approached me at a party 
one weekend right before graduation, and yes it was a pre-graduation celebration 
for you less then clever people out there.
 
I was sipping on a beer, which wasn't bad by the way, whatever brand it was in 
that keg was mighty tasty. I recall it was kind of cool that night, right after 
a thunderstorm had rolled by. I notice and remember things like that, like the 
sounds outside of my bedroom window as I lay falling asleep when I was a little 
girl. And so it's with some detail that I recall the gentle way her hand gripped 
my shoulder as she asked me the above question.
 
I was in a good mood, this was the first of many party's I was to attend tonight 
and over the next few days. Saying goodbyes and so on, and I was looking forward 
to seeing Nikki tonight, we had spoken briefly in the women's locker room and 
she went out of her way to mention a party she would be attending. I know all of 
those subtleties sound gay, but when you dealing with a relationship like the 
one I have with Nikki, it's not straight forward, although it should be, right? 

I turned and she was there, with a look she had when we first met (isn't that 
sweet?), she too had a cup in her right hand, I assume enjoying the same 
beverage I was. Her eyes had that calm, confident stare that first annoyed me 
and still do.
 
"Fine." I say, but draw it out with a cautious tone letting her know that I know 
full well her polite greeting was now out of the way and she should get on with 
what she wants. But WOW, my heart was pounding hard now because I wasn't sure 
what my next move should be. I guess I realized that according to my plan I 
wasn't going to have to make any move, that Courtney would pull one of her 
ultimatums and from there I guess we would get to fighting...right? I don't 
know...what if she doesn't do that? What if she doesn't start anything? What if 
I've been building this up in my own mind for days and days and then nothing! 
And what if we do fight and I get kicked out of school...arrested...god knows 
what else...
 
So as you can see, my little wheels are spinning in a million different 
directions.
 
"You going to miss all of this?" and she nods in the direction of the house 
where most of the partiers were assembled.
 
"Yeah, some." I sigh and take another sip of my beer.
 
"I saw you at the gym the other day, you're pretty impressive." She's studying 
me again and now even smiling a bit.
 
"Glad you think so." I groan, "Look Courtney, the last time we talked you 
made some pretty harsh comments." There I put it out there, I wanted to cut the 
core issue between us.
 
"Oh that!" She smiles and leans back with a look of genuine surprise, "Oh 
please, that's petty stuff, I'm over that, is that what's on your mind?" She's 
shaking her head back and forth as if surprised I have even given it a second 
thought.
 
"Really, you seemed pretty focused on it then, but now you've changed your 
mind?" I kind of keep her in my sights, but don't give her my full attention, 
it's more of a psychological thing to make her think I am only half interested 
what she has to say.
 
"Well, I admit, maybe I bit off more then I could chew, cause from what I hear 
your into all that Karate stuff and are allot stronger then I originally 
anticipated, so you know," She does this casual shrug, "I'm not above admitting 
when I made a mistake."
 
So now she does have my full attention, because what I am hearing totally blows 
me away, all of my hostility that's been building for days now is a swirling 
mass of confusion. I mean what the fuck! I must be loosing it, because this 
whole time I've been building up some big impending blowout while she's been 
kicking back, not even giving it a second thought. Am I stressed out or what? So 
I'm just standing there, kind of dumbfounded and feeling like an idiot cause 
I've been such an ass to everyone and for what? For nothing! I felt totally 
embarrassed.
 
Courtney suddenly stopped talking and paused before saying, "There is one more 
thing." 
 
"What is it?" I blinked back to the present and inquired. To which Courtney then 
replied by smacking me in nose with the meaty portion of her forearm, my head 
snapped back sending me toppling backward dazed and now really confused.

That fucking bitch! What a setup, my defenses were totally down and now I was 
flat on my back, blinking thru tears, beer spilled all over the front of my 
shirt. I swiped the back of my arm under my sore nose and a large streak of red 
appeared over the back of my hand and fingers as I scrambled to get up 'Fuck I'm 
bleeding! That should be on the inside of my body!'. She had started at me 
again, grabbing a fist full of my hair and then began pounding me with her other 
fist until I was back down on my knees, I just tucked my head and tried to cover 
up as her fists pounded away on the back of my head and back. And now I'm 
hearing all this commotion, like "Kick her ass!".
 
'Kick whose ass?' I wonder.
 
"Get her Courtney!" I hear several voices cheer. Oh, okay, they want MY ass to 
get kicked, I guess I have no friends here all of the sudden. Well, once I was 
on all fours I figured it was all over, (Perfect, this is going according to my 
master plan, NOT!). So I just fall down and start to roll away from her, but 
what I really want to do is stop and inspect my nose to see if it's broken. 
Unfortunately as I scurried away, I caught sight of that bitch coming after me, 
leaning over to grab me. 

Between, the surprise hit, the tricky of blood from my nose and the tears I 
feverishly kept trying to blink from my eyes, I was pretty disoriented. I 
remember getting to my knees as two hands gripped the back of my shirt, so I 
took a wild chance at something, anything really to get her off me. I twisted my 
upper body, my right elbow came around and fortunately rammed into the side of 
her head, I could have cared less where, I just wanted her off me. Shit that 
hurt! My elbow that is and I mean like instant pain too. I don't know what I 
hit, maybe her jaw or the side of her skull, but no matter because now I'm 
looking over my shoulder and see her stumbling back, shaking her head a few 
times as I waited no time getting to my feet. I checked my nose real quick, the 
blood had pretty much stopped, I'm not a bleeder like some people I know who 
just seem to bleed forever before it dries up or they run out of blood.
 
She wasn't that far from me after all, so with only two or three steps I've got 
her by the neck and hair and proceed to sling around in a circle before letting 
her go. Her body crashes against a nearby wooden fence before stopping. You 
like that technique? It's a classic. At this point a guy had jumped in to break 
it up, but no way buddy I was going to have at this sneaky bitch, but this jerk 
is in my way pushing on my shoulders telling me to chill! ME! She started it! 
(Again this is not part of the plan because it's giving her time to recover.) 
But whatever, I needed to catch my breath and calm down or else I would let my 
emotions get the best of me. So now the drunken crowd is spilling out onto the 
balcony and the tiny backyard. Just great!
 
I came really close to kicking this guy in the nuts, I've never done that before 
and I think it's a really low tactic, thankfully my knee connected with his gut 
totally knocking the wind out of him...good, he's down as I toss him aside and 
reach for little Ms. Tricky-Sucker-Punch. I guess the smack upside her head with 
my now throbbing elbow sent her into la-la land for a few seconds because she is 
slow to get up and that's when I dive on top of her like a white panther (like 
that? I like that description so I added in there for effect! Clever me:) I 
would have said 'Black Panther', but I'm not black, I'm white...I don't know if 
there is such a thing as a 'white panther', but I'm using it anyway. I push her 
back to the ground and quickly mounted her, I pinned her in the throat and 
stuffed my knees into her arm pits, so now I'm feeling pretty good because I 
feel in control, but Courtney actually bucks me off! Amazing, the girl is strong 
as a freaking OX! As I am learning. 
 
I wish I could do a better job of describing everything, I know you folks 
probably want allot of detail, but at this point I remember falling back off her 
as she jumps to her feet and I'm trying to get back up. Now she is unleashing a 
barrage of kicks toward me and that keeps causing me to stumble back, good grief 
she likes that kicking thing, even if they are sloppy. She hits me a few times 
pretty hard and it hurts, so I'm taking the kicks and building up a hurting fast 
until I grasp one of her slower kicks and hold onto that foot for dear life 
bringing her down to the ground yet again, thank god. I'm sure we both looked 
like a couple of drunken retards rolling around. But neither one of us were 
drunk so I guess that just leaves us looking like, oh never mind.
 
Anyway, Courtney attempts to climb on top of me but I roll to my side and we are 
both to our feet again. I was a little dizzy but I saw her coming after me so I 
lowered my shoulders and ran hard into her, I literally barreled into her, 
grabbing her around the waist, pushing her backwards. Now my muscular legs were 
churning as I was staggering her back and I think my strength surprised her 
because she was moving really awkward now, like no girl had ever been able to do 
this to her. But believe me, I just wanted to get her on the ground because I 
don't think she knows how to handle herself that well on the ground that is. 
Also I can't believe this is after only a few minutes of fighting either because 
of how hard we are both breathing. Finally! I hook one of her legs throwing her 
off balance, so we are back on the ground and I'm on top, but Courtney's 
wrapped her legs around my waist and has begun to apply all of the pressure she 
can. I continue to press my forearm into her neck and Courtney gasps for air as 
she beats against my back and sides with her fists. Her legs loosen their grip 
from around my waist and her punches become more sporadic. But manages to land a 
good one on my cheek that was so damn hard it had me seeing stars for a second. 
I should have just pulled her in close, but instead I backed away, which was a 
mistake, but I thought if I collected myself I could think clearer and I would 
just wrestle her to the ground again or someone might finally intervene.

So I'm breathing heavy and I'm sore from the kicks and punches as she scrambles 
to her feet, coming at me with this wild charge trying to now tackle me. So what 
do I do? Like a genius I throw an overhand right punch that sails over her head 
as she ducks. So now I'm off balance, gasping for air as Courtney hugs me around 
the waist unleashing a barrage of punches to my abdomen, damn she seems to land 
everything she goes for, but thankfully she must be getting winded because the 
blows don't sting so bad anymore. I get one blessed second to wipe some of the 
tears from my eyes as I manage to trip her up and we fall to the ground, and 
even though I was glad to be in familiar territory, I also contemplated giving 
up. That's right, can you believe that? I really don't know why, maybe I wasn't 
used to struggling like this, and everything I was trying felt like I was either 
loosing my balance, or second guessing myself which I don't normally do. Maybe I 
had put myself under too much stress over the past several days. So I'm crying a 
little and just great, I can feel my nose bleeding again. 
 
'Okay, okay Corbin, think, for every problem there is a solution.' I don't know 
why I kept telling myself that, but it seemed to help and I started to 'feel' my 
way around her. Stop over-thinking this, 'Where are her legs, arms and body' I 
started to let my body respond just as if I were in my jiu-jitsu class, let the 
techniques I've been drilling come into play as I feel her grab, dig and 
punch into me. Again, just stick with the basics and because I'm on the 
bottom, I hook my left calf around her right leg and secure her right arm with 
my left 'there, that wasn't so hard'. I'm not fighting to control her limbs, no 
I just want to reign them in enough to roll her over. I bridge and roll, and 
roll we do, 'Thank you god!' as I am on top and decide to just keep my balance. 
'Pause, keep your balance, feel where she's going.' I tell myself as I keep my 
head tucked away from her punches. She grabs my hair a few times, which hurts 
but I'm just letting her buck and thrash under me. 'Let her burn out all her 
energy reserves'. Yep, those exact thoughts went thru my mind. Actually, I can 
do two things at once you know, so while keeping my balance I work on getting a 
better handle on my breathing because I am going to need some energy in a few 
seconds.
 
Looking back, I think I let my anger get the best of me in the beginning of the 
fight and that's where I started to loose focus. But now I had that focus back, 
and the fight was under my control, I could feel and hear her gasping for air as 
I began to regulate mine. He strength wasn't there anymore and she was the one 
lightly sobbing a little. But then I thought about the crowd behind us cheering 
on this girl, rooting for my demise. Well fuck all of you worthless 
shit heads and the second I feel Courtney weaken even more, my right 
fist flies out and begins a rapid fire sequence to the left side of her 
face...her nose, and maybe I'll put my leg to use as my right knee rears back 
and slams her ribs several times which elicits an awful cry and moan from her 
throat. My fist is on fire, painful fire that is, so I switch to my left.
 
Courtney attempted one last arch of her back to roll me off but to no avail as I 
just clamped my thighs around hers. She was shaking and sobbing for breath, but 
I kept her tight, like I should have done from the beginning. She's coughing 
real bad now, I had no idea at the moment she was coughing up blood running down 
the back of her throat from a broken nose.

We were both bathed in sweat as I slid my right arm under the back of her neck 
and my left snaked under her chin and over her throat to choke this bitch. I was 
totally in another world at that moment, I had this pure 'fight to the finish' 
rage going thru me. 

That's when I heard it...
 
"Stop...STOP!" 
 
"What?" I gasped, maybe I really didn't believe it.
 
"Enough! Please" She sobs in that gurgling voice which sounded kind of sickening 
and that's when I realized how bad she was bleeding from the nose and mouth. I 
just about vomited on the spot, somehow I managed to stand and someone was 
behind me guiding me to a nearby chair but I didn't want to sit, I needed to 
stand for some reason and walked over to the fence to lean and collect myself. I 
didn't want to see...I didn't want to know what the damage was, and In front of 
so many people. I regretted it instantly, I felt awful, not victorious or glad 
or happy.
 
Curiosity did get the better of me and I glanced up, she couldn't even stand on 
her own, it took three guys practically dragging/carrying her into the house. 
Her 
face was a bloody mess and I over heard some discussion about taking her to the 
emergency room, that's when I almost lost it, but I turned away and let the 
shadows of the night hide all the tears coming out of my eyes as I paced around 
in circles. I think I knew I might have thrown my life away that 
night...everything I worked so hard in school for and for what? Beating the crap 
out of some girl? And over what? Because I took sides with Sharon over her 
freaking maniacal interest in social status and control that probably led to all 
of this.
 
So a few party goers were there, checking on me and such, not all were against 
me, I did have some friends there and they made sure I got home okay.
 
She had a broken nose by the way, had to wear one of those splints for awhile, 
and had two black eyes to boot. Plus some teeth were knocked loose and some of 
her ribs were pretty badly bruise and a mess of other problems I won't go into 
now. Amazingly, I had not broken anything nor needed any stitches for that fact, 
just allot of bruises, cuts on my hands, and some swelling.
 
Yeeaaaaaaahhhh...I'm Queen of the hill! Big whoop, and at what cost?
 
I don't feel like elaborating anymore on this topic at the moment, enough said.

I was back at my Apartment after the party and it wasn't that long before I was 
mobbed by people. Dale, Nikki, Sharon and allot of other friends that came over 
to check on me. Yeah, Nikki and Sharon in the same room, can you believe it, but 
not a cross word or look was exchanged as they both just were there to comfort 
me and look after me.
 
At graduation, Nikki walked straight up to me and gave me a warm hug for several 
seconds, whispering "I'm so sorry for everything. Call me okay?" And she turned 
and walked away. I went into the ladies room and cried like a baby, it felt so 
good to do that.
  
And as porky pig says: "Tha..tha..tha...that's all folks!"  :) Or something like 
that.

********** 

"'It is never good dwelling on good-byes,' she said. 'It is not the being 
together that it prolongs, it is the parting.'"
 
-- Elizabeth Asquith Bibesco, The Fir and the Palm